Friday, 4/27/12
well, today has started off on an odd note. i was sleeping soundly and was awakened by my bladder at 4 this morning. went to the bathroom, and BAM. i can't go back to sleep to save my life. i just laid in bed for 2 1/2 hours, then decided i'm not going to waste my morning laying in bed, tossing and turning. so, i just decided to get up for the day and drink some coffee to help kick the "omg, i woke up at 4 am" feeling. at least it's my day off work. that way, when (and i know it'll happen) i get sleepy, i'll be able to take a nap. and most likely it'll be the best one ever.
since it's my day off, i can't really make up my mind what i want to do. be out and about. or just relax at the house all day. i do have laundry to do. and i started re-reading one of my favorite books... so i could dedicate my day to that. i don't really want to be lazy, but i just need to relax. not sure if anyone saw it on fb, but i ended up working over 12 hours the other day, and my body and mind still haven't recovered from that whole ordeal. so, maybe today would be a good "rest-up" day. i wouldn't mind that.
random side note, but i hate when someone is SO down, and all you want to do is help them... but it's just so hard to lift their spirits. it's hard to see those who you love to go through such a rough time. everyone has their rough patches they have to go through, it's just hard to help when there's not much i can do to make it any better. i hate seeing people feel pain, sadness, dread, regret, etc. and if i could, i'd erase all that negativity from their lives. we all need that. erase out the bad, and color in the good. i'm sending out love and high spirits to those who need it most. things will get better. we all have to remind ourselves that. even when we are in our darkest hour, it's always darkest before dawn. so, keep your head up. things may be out of control in you life and things may seem to be out of your hands, but just remember, it WILL settle down and get better. no matter how long it takes, everything happens for a reason... and that is what directs us in this life. so, to those who are going though such bullshit right now, my heart and soul go out to you... in hopes that it'll lift your spirits. even if it's just for a second.
since it's my day off, i can't really make up my mind what i want to do. be out and about. or just relax at the house all day. i do have laundry to do. and i started re-reading one of my favorite books... so i could dedicate my day to that. i don't really want to be lazy, but i just need to relax. not sure if anyone saw it on fb, but i ended up working over 12 hours the other day, and my body and mind still haven't recovered from that whole ordeal. so, maybe today would be a good "rest-up" day. i wouldn't mind that.
random side note, but i hate when someone is SO down, and all you want to do is help them... but it's just so hard to lift their spirits. it's hard to see those who you love to go through such a rough time. everyone has their rough patches they have to go through, it's just hard to help when there's not much i can do to make it any better. i hate seeing people feel pain, sadness, dread, regret, etc. and if i could, i'd erase all that negativity from their lives. we all need that. erase out the bad, and color in the good. i'm sending out love and high spirits to those who need it most. things will get better. we all have to remind ourselves that. even when we are in our darkest hour, it's always darkest before dawn. so, keep your head up. things may be out of control in you life and things may seem to be out of your hands, but just remember, it WILL settle down and get better. no matter how long it takes, everything happens for a reason... and that is what directs us in this life. so, to those who are going though such bullshit right now, my heart and soul go out to you... in hopes that it'll lift your spirits. even if it's just for a second.
- Tuesday, 4/17/12
so, here i sit at home. sick as a dog. i tried to go into work yesterday, but my manager sent me home bc i was so sick. i called my doctors office and they had an appointment available, so i had to go. my sickness was a lot worse than i thought originally. i had a 102 fever, as well as swollen lymph nodes all over my body were swollen. i knew i was sick, and had had a rough time with the whole thing, but now i'm on antibiotics... which have yet to start taking affect. but i have tomorrow off work... so i'll have one extra day to rest and attempt to feel better.
my work has been more than understanding of my illness, but unfortunately my pay check won't be too good next pay day. but hell, i'm sick and i am not going to go through working miserably... so now i'm going to have time to regroup and go back to work on thursday... and hopefully by then my antibiotics will have helped me feel a lot better.
my past day has literally been me laying on the couch watching tv and drinking hot tea. it's the only thing i can do to relax and have some down time before i have to get back in the swing of things. i have another doctors appointment in the morning at the crack of dawn (not having to do with my illness), but as soon as i get home, i'm going to sleep and be lazy again. i have to get better. i HAVE to. i'm so tired of being SO under the weather.
my mom is having friends over tonight, so i'm pretty much forced to stay out of their way. kinda not liking being under house arrest to where i can't even get up and walk around my own house. but oh well. the group of ladies shouldn't be here late, and i'll be able to roam around the house as i please.
my work has been more than understanding of my illness, but unfortunately my pay check won't be too good next pay day. but hell, i'm sick and i am not going to go through working miserably... so now i'm going to have time to regroup and go back to work on thursday... and hopefully by then my antibiotics will have helped me feel a lot better.
my past day has literally been me laying on the couch watching tv and drinking hot tea. it's the only thing i can do to relax and have some down time before i have to get back in the swing of things. i have another doctors appointment in the morning at the crack of dawn (not having to do with my illness), but as soon as i get home, i'm going to sleep and be lazy again. i have to get better. i HAVE to. i'm so tired of being SO under the weather.
my mom is having friends over tonight, so i'm pretty much forced to stay out of their way. kinda not liking being under house arrest to where i can't even get up and walk around my own house. but oh well. the group of ladies shouldn't be here late, and i'll be able to roam around the house as i please.
Monday, 4/16/12
When you drop the ego, you drop a whole world that you have created around it. For the first time you are able to see things as they are — not as you would like them to be. And when you are capable of knowing the facts of life, you become capable of knowing the truth. The facility of life is the first step towards truth. And ego is the most falsifying agent. - Osho
Sunday, 4/15/12
long time since i've posted on here. it's almost been a month, and honestly i'm not sure why it has taken so long to update. but i'm not going to make any excuses. here i am now, and that's what's up.
the past couple of days have been absolutely horrible for me. sick sick sick. i had to call out of work, leave early from work, and feeling like i wasn't myself at all. don't get me wrong, i still feel very sick... but i decided to proclaim i'm about 40% better than i was when this first all happened. there are a lot of personal things that has gone on during my sickness that i really don't want to get into on here. just because i freely write on here as i please, i'm not going to go into detail on what's been going on with this sickness. let's hope i don't have to call out of work tomorrow. i need the money, but i truly don't know if i'll be able to make it. i have wednesday off, and already have one doctor's appointment, so i'm going to schedule another for my primary care doctor and see what she thinks i should do with this sickness that has fallen on me. if i wake up feeling horrible, i'm just going to have to call out and go see her. i just don't want to have to go to the ER like one doctor recommended me to do.
needless to say, i am really going through some tough times and i hope those of you who read this will sending loving and encouraging vibes my way. i'm def going to need it. support from others truly helps me get through things. the help of others is one of the best things to be given. so, please... help me out and send some good thoughts and vibes.
as for work? i'm getting into the routine of things. it's still the most boring job ever (which makes the day go by SO slow), but the new department i'm in pretty much gives me stuff to do ALL day. and honestly... they are giving my department things that are putting way to much stuff and causing us to be in over our heads, there's only 3 girls to run half the store... when in reality we could use a total of 6 people. just to get caught up and get things organized. but no, management puts 1 - 3 people working in the department all day. usually i'm alone in the apparel department by myself until 1:30 or 3:00, so i get a little overwhelmed with all the opening duties. but nonetheless, i don't HATE my job anymore, i just dislike it greatly. which is a great improvement. and to makes things better, the girls i work with are really cool and fun (even though i'm oldest by 7 years). they are young and fun... so they help me feel better :)
so, here's my way overdue update. i need to get back on here more often. it really is a good way for me to sort my thoughts and keep friends up to date on how i feeling. thanks for hanging in there with me.
here's to feeling better :)
the past couple of days have been absolutely horrible for me. sick sick sick. i had to call out of work, leave early from work, and feeling like i wasn't myself at all. don't get me wrong, i still feel very sick... but i decided to proclaim i'm about 40% better than i was when this first all happened. there are a lot of personal things that has gone on during my sickness that i really don't want to get into on here. just because i freely write on here as i please, i'm not going to go into detail on what's been going on with this sickness. let's hope i don't have to call out of work tomorrow. i need the money, but i truly don't know if i'll be able to make it. i have wednesday off, and already have one doctor's appointment, so i'm going to schedule another for my primary care doctor and see what she thinks i should do with this sickness that has fallen on me. if i wake up feeling horrible, i'm just going to have to call out and go see her. i just don't want to have to go to the ER like one doctor recommended me to do.
needless to say, i am really going through some tough times and i hope those of you who read this will sending loving and encouraging vibes my way. i'm def going to need it. support from others truly helps me get through things. the help of others is one of the best things to be given. so, please... help me out and send some good thoughts and vibes.
as for work? i'm getting into the routine of things. it's still the most boring job ever (which makes the day go by SO slow), but the new department i'm in pretty much gives me stuff to do ALL day. and honestly... they are giving my department things that are putting way to much stuff and causing us to be in over our heads, there's only 3 girls to run half the store... when in reality we could use a total of 6 people. just to get caught up and get things organized. but no, management puts 1 - 3 people working in the department all day. usually i'm alone in the apparel department by myself until 1:30 or 3:00, so i get a little overwhelmed with all the opening duties. but nonetheless, i don't HATE my job anymore, i just dislike it greatly. which is a great improvement. and to makes things better, the girls i work with are really cool and fun (even though i'm oldest by 7 years). they are young and fun... so they help me feel better :)
so, here's my way overdue update. i need to get back on here more often. it really is a good way for me to sort my thoughts and keep friends up to date on how i feeling. thanks for hanging in there with me.
here's to feeling better :)
Thursday, 3/22/12
hmm... i don't like waking up when i can peek through my blinds in my room and see the dreary weather outside. it's supposed to be a rainy day (which i know we need, but i don't like the grossness it brings along with it. i'd rather be outside playing in the rain than driving and going to work in the rain. 2 different circumstances, hah. play in the rain, yes. work in the rain, blah.
i need to lighten up for today. i don't feel down or anything, i just feel weird. not sure how to explain it, really. but i just need to lighten my spirit and feel good about the day. i can only live this day once, so here's my opportunity. i need to remind myself of that. and to top it off, i can remind myself that i have the day off tomorrow to work on things i need to get done. no actual work work, just things that need to get done and i need to take care of. but that helps me look forward for tomorrow.
the past few days, i've woken up and gone a good pace each morning. i hate rushing, so i've put a stop to that. i just go with the flow of things now in the morning. no jump out of bed and hurry to get ready. i'm taking my sweet time, and it truly is helping me tone down on the "pre-work" anxiety. my anxiety has been pretty controled lately. i let the little things pass, and take on the big things with an open mind and not with an anxious one. it's the way it has to be for me. having panic/anxiety disorder has really been a challenge for me lately, but i've gotten better at recognizing it and doing my best to control it and make my mind take a second and remember that everything is going to be ok, and i will survive. we all have stress, i just wish my stress would be managed better... with time i think i can accomplish it.
i need to lighten up for today. i don't feel down or anything, i just feel weird. not sure how to explain it, really. but i just need to lighten my spirit and feel good about the day. i can only live this day once, so here's my opportunity. i need to remind myself of that. and to top it off, i can remind myself that i have the day off tomorrow to work on things i need to get done. no actual work work, just things that need to get done and i need to take care of. but that helps me look forward for tomorrow.
the past few days, i've woken up and gone a good pace each morning. i hate rushing, so i've put a stop to that. i just go with the flow of things now in the morning. no jump out of bed and hurry to get ready. i'm taking my sweet time, and it truly is helping me tone down on the "pre-work" anxiety. my anxiety has been pretty controled lately. i let the little things pass, and take on the big things with an open mind and not with an anxious one. it's the way it has to be for me. having panic/anxiety disorder has really been a challenge for me lately, but i've gotten better at recognizing it and doing my best to control it and make my mind take a second and remember that everything is going to be ok, and i will survive. we all have stress, i just wish my stress would be managed better... with time i think i can accomplish it.
Horoscope of the day.A rush of humanitarian spirit and a desire to do some real good might find you looking into various charities in order to find those you might want to help. However, money could be flowing out for other purposes a bit too quickly for your tastes, Sagittarius. It perhaps would be best to find one group that suits you and give only to that one. Save other worthy causes for another time
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Quote of the day."Zen is pure essence, unpolluted, uncorrupted by any non-essential. You cannot take away anything from Zen, because it is only a declaration of your self-nature; neither can you add anything to Zen, because anything added will be artificial. Zen is absolutely in favor of nature. It is not against entertainment; in fact only Zen is capable of laughing, of entertainment, but its entertainment is not different from its enlightenment. The very quality of entertainment differs." - Osho
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Wednesday, 3/21/12
i know i keep saying i'm going to update more than usual, i find it hard to find time lately. and motivation. i decided i need to quit setting goals on here about writing and updating more often. i'm just going to update when the hell i want, about whatever i please. i do want to start posting more of my outfits i put together on my days off... just to add some pazazz to my "the more color the better" section. it's been a while since i've updated on that. so, if i get around to it, more pictures and texts will be updated on occasion, but i will still continue my site as i please :) i do love writing on here and telling myself (and whoever reads it) how i'm sorting my thoughts, and how i'm going to accomplish goals, and how i am doing all around.
i've been doing good lately. an uplifted heart i guess is that you can call it. i still am having down days (which saddens me, bc it seems in the past i haven't had this struggle in a long time)... but i'm making my way up to what i want to be, and what i used to be. carefree. light hearted. caring. and full of love (for myself and others). i feel i'm going back up the slope to having a wonderful and enjoyable life to live. i do have many obstacles, but i think that's part of what helps me grow the most... and realize what i really want and need in my life.
oh, on a side note. get this. our uniforms at work went from fun colorful t-shirts, to wearing horribly ugly light yellow collared shits that have to be buttoned up and tucked in. those who know my style know i truly would look like an idiot in this attire. all of my pants are waaaaay too big to hold my small size shirt (even though i ordered a medium) in to keep it tucked. not to mention my job is very physical and that shirt just doesn't want to stay tucked in. i look a hot mess, let me tell you. i think i'm going to post a picture on here under this section to show how god awful i look with my work attire on. i look like a straight up hot mess. but, in a way it's quite humorous.
this morning i HAVE to take it easy and not hurry to get ready for work, i mean shit... it's only 7:46 am and i don't have to leave my house until 9:30. there is NO reason i should stress about getting ready in the morning. it doesn't even take me that long, and just leaves me sitting around just waiting and getting overwhelmed about the work day to come. i have to stop that. it makes me so anxious that i can't even bare it. so, here's to taking it easy and relaxing with my cup of joe, and i'll wait until i please about getting ready for work.
i've been doing good lately. an uplifted heart i guess is that you can call it. i still am having down days (which saddens me, bc it seems in the past i haven't had this struggle in a long time)... but i'm making my way up to what i want to be, and what i used to be. carefree. light hearted. caring. and full of love (for myself and others). i feel i'm going back up the slope to having a wonderful and enjoyable life to live. i do have many obstacles, but i think that's part of what helps me grow the most... and realize what i really want and need in my life.
oh, on a side note. get this. our uniforms at work went from fun colorful t-shirts, to wearing horribly ugly light yellow collared shits that have to be buttoned up and tucked in. those who know my style know i truly would look like an idiot in this attire. all of my pants are waaaaay too big to hold my small size shirt (even though i ordered a medium) in to keep it tucked. not to mention my job is very physical and that shirt just doesn't want to stay tucked in. i look a hot mess, let me tell you. i think i'm going to post a picture on here under this section to show how god awful i look with my work attire on. i look like a straight up hot mess. but, in a way it's quite humorous.
this morning i HAVE to take it easy and not hurry to get ready for work, i mean shit... it's only 7:46 am and i don't have to leave my house until 9:30. there is NO reason i should stress about getting ready in the morning. it doesn't even take me that long, and just leaves me sitting around just waiting and getting overwhelmed about the work day to come. i have to stop that. it makes me so anxious that i can't even bare it. so, here's to taking it easy and relaxing with my cup of joe, and i'll wait until i please about getting ready for work.
Wednesday, 3/14/12
good morning to all. i've been really good about sleeping in lately. and by sleeping in, i am referring to a 7:30 am. gives me plenty of time to get ready in enough time to where i'm not sitting around all morning. it gives me anxiety just sitting there and waiting to go into work. so, i opted to stay up later at night (which is hard to do when i try to stay awake). but it must be done... bc i'm seriously tired of waking up at 6:00 am.
as for today. work work work. only 3 more days (including today) of work. then i get a day off. i hope it's pretty outside bc i would love to have a warm and sunny day to enjoy my day off for the week. please please please be pretty on friday. i need to soak up some sun. and if it's pretty... my ass is going to the park. it's been such a long time since i've been able to "park it up". it's well over do.
as for today, i promised myself i'm going to go in and have a pleasant say. i need to quit stressing over stuff. i just need to keep light hearted and quit taking it so seriously. that's been my downfall with my work... i just take it too seriously. i just need to go in and enjoy myself. saying i'm not going to take it seriously means i need to quit stressing and enjoy myself while working. sounds impossible, but i think i can do it. i need to bring out my inner happiness and work on being stress free and just enjoy myself. i need to remind myself that i can make the most out of every situation... even if it is as work. work sucks, but i'm the one who makes it suck. i have to get out of that mentality. sunlight, open heart, and joy are my motivation to have a good day. one step at a time. that's what needs to happen, i just have to take it one step at a time. well, it's time to get ready for the rest of the day... but i plan on updating tonight to let everyone know how my day went. so, be prepared to see am update for tonight. stay tuned.
as for today. work work work. only 3 more days (including today) of work. then i get a day off. i hope it's pretty outside bc i would love to have a warm and sunny day to enjoy my day off for the week. please please please be pretty on friday. i need to soak up some sun. and if it's pretty... my ass is going to the park. it's been such a long time since i've been able to "park it up". it's well over do.
as for today, i promised myself i'm going to go in and have a pleasant say. i need to quit stressing over stuff. i just need to keep light hearted and quit taking it so seriously. that's been my downfall with my work... i just take it too seriously. i just need to go in and enjoy myself. saying i'm not going to take it seriously means i need to quit stressing and enjoy myself while working. sounds impossible, but i think i can do it. i need to bring out my inner happiness and work on being stress free and just enjoy myself. i need to remind myself that i can make the most out of every situation... even if it is as work. work sucks, but i'm the one who makes it suck. i have to get out of that mentality. sunlight, open heart, and joy are my motivation to have a good day. one step at a time. that's what needs to happen, i just have to take it one step at a time. well, it's time to get ready for the rest of the day... but i plan on updating tonight to let everyone know how my day went. so, be prepared to see am update for tonight. stay tuned.
Tuesday, 3/13/12
wow, been a long while since i've been on here. i don't want to say i was getting bored updating post, but it's hard for me to find time to update in the mornings. i try to sleep in as late as possible (which leaves me little time to update). i'm considering updating my site at night bc it's the most free time i have. i really do enjoy working and updating my site, but man. tired in the morning, and tired in the evening. i just figure it'd be best to do at night. that way i can discuss how my day went and post anything eventful that happened through out the day.
things have been going good for me, which i'm glad. things have been hectic at work, but it does help the day go by faster. and to top it off, i only close ONE time this week. i hate closing... we usually take about 1 1/2 hours to get clean up done. so, getting off at 6:30 is awesome. i love my shift. 10 - 6:30. it's good since i'm such an early bird, so going in when we open really makes me relieved and happy. i love being able to start my day off earlier than going into work at !2:30. i hate long days like that, bc it leaves me to have closing duties (which i hate). so, needless to say, i'm liking my work schedule this week.
things really have lightened up at work. it's aren't as negative. and i'm starting to enjoy the people i work with. a bunch of young kids (i'm the second oldest there), but i do like them. we have been getting to know each other better, and it really helps lighten the mood. don't get my wrong, i hate working there. but getting to know some of my co-workers really helps the day go by better. but i'm still filling out applications to find a new job... but my job now isn't so bad. i go in with a enlightened spirit, and it really helps make the day better. i have to quit taking things so seriously and start having fun with an open heart.
oh, and did i mention i finally go my car back? oh, yes i finally got it back. i feel so much better knowing i don't have to bum rides anymore from people... and i have my freedom back of being able to come and go as i please. man, i'm glad i got my car back. and man, does it look nice. it looks brand new... and i'm not embarrassed driving around with a dinged up car. oh me, i'm so glad to have my car back!
in addition to my rant, i just wanting to share i have lost weight and reached my goal... plus some. boop! lets see how my diet turns out. wouldn't mind losing some more weight.
things have been going good for me, which i'm glad. things have been hectic at work, but it does help the day go by faster. and to top it off, i only close ONE time this week. i hate closing... we usually take about 1 1/2 hours to get clean up done. so, getting off at 6:30 is awesome. i love my shift. 10 - 6:30. it's good since i'm such an early bird, so going in when we open really makes me relieved and happy. i love being able to start my day off earlier than going into work at !2:30. i hate long days like that, bc it leaves me to have closing duties (which i hate). so, needless to say, i'm liking my work schedule this week.
things really have lightened up at work. it's aren't as negative. and i'm starting to enjoy the people i work with. a bunch of young kids (i'm the second oldest there), but i do like them. we have been getting to know each other better, and it really helps lighten the mood. don't get my wrong, i hate working there. but getting to know some of my co-workers really helps the day go by better. but i'm still filling out applications to find a new job... but my job now isn't so bad. i go in with a enlightened spirit, and it really helps make the day better. i have to quit taking things so seriously and start having fun with an open heart.
oh, and did i mention i finally go my car back? oh, yes i finally got it back. i feel so much better knowing i don't have to bum rides anymore from people... and i have my freedom back of being able to come and go as i please. man, i'm glad i got my car back. and man, does it look nice. it looks brand new... and i'm not embarrassed driving around with a dinged up car. oh me, i'm so glad to have my car back!
in addition to my rant, i just wanting to share i have lost weight and reached my goal... plus some. boop! lets see how my diet turns out. wouldn't mind losing some more weight.
- Tuesday, 3/6/12
waking up this morning on my day off has been quite enjoyable. slept in (well, kind of...), currently having a cup of coffee, and awaiting the day. it's an eventful day in store. my dog's going to the vet for a check up and a bath, filling out oodles of applications, voting, and then having enjoyable time with my best friend, her mom, and my mom. we have a tradition of getting together and enjoying the company of the 4 best friends. it's always a good time. and i get to see how my best friend's baby belly is coming along. it's been a while since i've seen her, that i know i'm in for a big surprise once i see how she's grown! (or, well... the baby for that matter).
before i went to bed last night, i had a long talk with flip on the phone. we may be going to cumberland, tn for a retreat to a cabin with my brother and sister in law. it's kind of the half way mark between tn and virginia. i think it'd be amazing to have a weekend get-a-way with some of my family, and my love. he said maybe april or may would be around when he can make it out this way. i'm crossing my fingers that this is going to pull through. bc originally i was going to visit him march 8th-16th, but sadly... my financial situation made the trip fall through. i had my hopes up so much to think i was going to see him soon. and now that the trip is canceled... it really brings my spirits down. but having the hope that i could see him next month really lifts me back up again. i'd do anything to see him. even if that means us meeting in the middle for a reunion. jesus, i hope this follows through. i'd adore it more than just about anything at the moment.
i had a really good meditation session before i went to bed last night. it really calmed my nerves and eased my mind. i have to continue on my path to a better life. and with meditation, i feel i am able to be content and uplifted. i really need that in my life. meditation has taught me to look inside (which i haven't been doing lately bc of all my work stress). i need to remind myself to look within and see and appreciate who i am and who i can become. it keeps me full of hope and helps me see my potential and the possibility of growth. i really do have room to grow (in a lot of aspects of my life) and meditation is helping me do just that. focus focus focus. that's what i need to do when i get overwhelmed, stressed, or just plain feeling low. focus on within and then everything will fall into place. i need to let external factors that lead me into stress and sadness breeze by me and see how petty and unneeded it is. i keep saying i'm going to work on this, and currently i'm in the process of letting bullshit slide, and focus on the beautiful things i have to share and endure.
before i went to bed last night, i had a long talk with flip on the phone. we may be going to cumberland, tn for a retreat to a cabin with my brother and sister in law. it's kind of the half way mark between tn and virginia. i think it'd be amazing to have a weekend get-a-way with some of my family, and my love. he said maybe april or may would be around when he can make it out this way. i'm crossing my fingers that this is going to pull through. bc originally i was going to visit him march 8th-16th, but sadly... my financial situation made the trip fall through. i had my hopes up so much to think i was going to see him soon. and now that the trip is canceled... it really brings my spirits down. but having the hope that i could see him next month really lifts me back up again. i'd do anything to see him. even if that means us meeting in the middle for a reunion. jesus, i hope this follows through. i'd adore it more than just about anything at the moment.
i had a really good meditation session before i went to bed last night. it really calmed my nerves and eased my mind. i have to continue on my path to a better life. and with meditation, i feel i am able to be content and uplifted. i really need that in my life. meditation has taught me to look inside (which i haven't been doing lately bc of all my work stress). i need to remind myself to look within and see and appreciate who i am and who i can become. it keeps me full of hope and helps me see my potential and the possibility of growth. i really do have room to grow (in a lot of aspects of my life) and meditation is helping me do just that. focus focus focus. that's what i need to do when i get overwhelmed, stressed, or just plain feeling low. focus on within and then everything will fall into place. i need to let external factors that lead me into stress and sadness breeze by me and see how petty and unneeded it is. i keep saying i'm going to work on this, and currently i'm in the process of letting bullshit slide, and focus on the beautiful things i have to share and endure.
- Sunday, 3/4/12
good day to everyone. what a beautiful day we have woken up to. it's days like this that make me feel really glad i'm not working. good to have a sunny and pretty day outside.
today is the day i go on a job hunt in the cool springs area (it's the closest area to my house). and not to mention they pay A LOT better in that area if you work there. forget minimum wage, they actually pay workers pretty well in that nice area of town. so, needless to say... i'm heading in that direction to fill out applications and hopefully get a new job set up. i need it so bad. i want it so bad. so let's keep out fingers crossed that i'm able to find something that suits my needs and makes me enjoy myself. my current job doesn't do either of those. i have to get out of that place (like i've repeated over and over again on here).
i feel pretty good today. i woke up with a good attitude on life and i'm pleased to say so. that's what i like about my days off. i don't wake up awaiting my horrible day at work. that sounds so negative. i need to shut it. things will get better for me in this life. i just need to be patient and go with the flow of things. i need to quit expecting things. i just have to remind myself how much better my quality of life is when i go with the flow of things. it's like flowing with the bending of the trees. i need to remind myself that. i need to do it on a daily basis. i need to remind myself this is the only life i have to live, and why live in misery? i need to put aside all the worry and bullshit that brings me down. it's silly to let worry and dread rule my life. it's petty and unneeded. i have to learn to smile and be happy. nothing wrong with wanting some happiness in my life. i know it's always there, i just need to set aside my ego of "wanting to find happiness". it's always there, i just need to embrace that and remind myself that the happiness that's always there, and i just need to do a reality check and realize it's always going to be there for me to grasp and bring into my life.
today is the day i go on a job hunt in the cool springs area (it's the closest area to my house). and not to mention they pay A LOT better in that area if you work there. forget minimum wage, they actually pay workers pretty well in that nice area of town. so, needless to say... i'm heading in that direction to fill out applications and hopefully get a new job set up. i need it so bad. i want it so bad. so let's keep out fingers crossed that i'm able to find something that suits my needs and makes me enjoy myself. my current job doesn't do either of those. i have to get out of that place (like i've repeated over and over again on here).
i feel pretty good today. i woke up with a good attitude on life and i'm pleased to say so. that's what i like about my days off. i don't wake up awaiting my horrible day at work. that sounds so negative. i need to shut it. things will get better for me in this life. i just need to be patient and go with the flow of things. i need to quit expecting things. i just have to remind myself how much better my quality of life is when i go with the flow of things. it's like flowing with the bending of the trees. i need to remind myself that. i need to do it on a daily basis. i need to remind myself this is the only life i have to live, and why live in misery? i need to put aside all the worry and bullshit that brings me down. it's silly to let worry and dread rule my life. it's petty and unneeded. i have to learn to smile and be happy. nothing wrong with wanting some happiness in my life. i know it's always there, i just need to set aside my ego of "wanting to find happiness". it's always there, i just need to embrace that and remind myself that the happiness that's always there, and i just need to do a reality check and realize it's always going to be there for me to grasp and bring into my life.
- Wednesday, 2/29/12
well, time to get back into the swing of things (at least for 2 days in a row). back to work today. the first of my only 3 days i'm working this week. grrr. but i'm ready to go in and make some money. can't say i'm actually looking forward to going into work, but i am looking forward to the fact that i'm getting paid soon and today i'll be making some mulah to put in my pocket.
sad news, i was really dead set on getting my job back at the animal hospital... but it totally fell through. and leaves me at my current job (hopefully for not much longer). my next day off is friday, and i am just set on going on a job hunt. i have to get out of the toxicity, and find a new source of temporary income. i can't live with myself staying at this horrible job. and i'm taking the steps (slow, or not) to get out there and find a new one. i need it so bad. anyone know of a good place that's hiring? i'll take just about anything. not to say i'm "settling", but i just HAVE to get out. shitty pay, horrible hours, and negativity is driving me nuts and is pushing me out the door of even wanting to work. i do have my photography, but currently its so slow that it's not helping with my income and bills either.
i'm not the only one who feels this way at my job. a lot of people's hours were cut, and to top it off... we're not staying open an hour later every day. people i work with aren't happy there. they are negative, and it's really rubbing off on me. i don't like or WANT that. enough is enough, i have to get out of there. it really is hurting my pocket, and my heart and soul. not good at all. not what i need. i will move on, it's just a matter of time.
despite my shitty work schedule for this week, i have enjoyed my 3 days off in a row. got some important stuff taken care of, got to spend some quality time solo, and with the family. but i was kind of under house arrest without having a car. the days were so gorgeous, and all i wanted to do was going to the park, but i couldn't drive myself around to go "parking", or even visit with friends. kind of blows. but my car (supposedly) is going to be ready by march 7th. so... with due time, i'll have my vehicle back so i can wander around and do and go where i please.
sad news, i was really dead set on getting my job back at the animal hospital... but it totally fell through. and leaves me at my current job (hopefully for not much longer). my next day off is friday, and i am just set on going on a job hunt. i have to get out of the toxicity, and find a new source of temporary income. i can't live with myself staying at this horrible job. and i'm taking the steps (slow, or not) to get out there and find a new one. i need it so bad. anyone know of a good place that's hiring? i'll take just about anything. not to say i'm "settling", but i just HAVE to get out. shitty pay, horrible hours, and negativity is driving me nuts and is pushing me out the door of even wanting to work. i do have my photography, but currently its so slow that it's not helping with my income and bills either.
i'm not the only one who feels this way at my job. a lot of people's hours were cut, and to top it off... we're not staying open an hour later every day. people i work with aren't happy there. they are negative, and it's really rubbing off on me. i don't like or WANT that. enough is enough, i have to get out of there. it really is hurting my pocket, and my heart and soul. not good at all. not what i need. i will move on, it's just a matter of time.
despite my shitty work schedule for this week, i have enjoyed my 3 days off in a row. got some important stuff taken care of, got to spend some quality time solo, and with the family. but i was kind of under house arrest without having a car. the days were so gorgeous, and all i wanted to do was going to the park, but i couldn't drive myself around to go "parking", or even visit with friends. kind of blows. but my car (supposedly) is going to be ready by march 7th. so... with due time, i'll have my vehicle back so i can wander around and do and go where i please.
- Sunday, 2/26/12
so, here begins the first day of my 3 days in a row off from work. i'm laying low today and plan on relaxing it out, knowing i'm going to be job hunting in the next few days. so, for today... i'm going to have a day of rest. it's really needed honestly. and believe it or not, i slept in today. i woke up feeling great (also feeling great bc of the texts i got from flip when i woke up).
i think i may go see the george clooney movie today. i can't remember the name of it at the moment, but it's the won that's winning all the awards and is nominated a lot in the academy awards. the reviews on it are great... so i'm thinking it'd be a great sunday movie to go with my mom. maybe? hopefully. she's out running around right now, so who knows if we can catch the movie in matinee. otherwise, movie tickets are through the roof expensive... even with matinee they are, but if it's not cheaper, i don't want to go see it in the theaters.
the next couple of days, i'm going to enjoy having some quality "me" time. i want to work on some painting, i want to read some more of my books. i need to take myself out of the business of the world, and just take a step back and enjoy life with a few simple days of "me" time. i think it's really important for me to have this now. i need to feel renewed, and everything happens for a reason, and maybe that's why i ended up having 3 days off in a row. i was pissed about it at first, but in all honesty... i think i need this time more than anything. it'll help me appreciate myself for a few days. stress-free. that's the best way to be.
i think i may go see the george clooney movie today. i can't remember the name of it at the moment, but it's the won that's winning all the awards and is nominated a lot in the academy awards. the reviews on it are great... so i'm thinking it'd be a great sunday movie to go with my mom. maybe? hopefully. she's out running around right now, so who knows if we can catch the movie in matinee. otherwise, movie tickets are through the roof expensive... even with matinee they are, but if it's not cheaper, i don't want to go see it in the theaters.
the next couple of days, i'm going to enjoy having some quality "me" time. i want to work on some painting, i want to read some more of my books. i need to take myself out of the business of the world, and just take a step back and enjoy life with a few simple days of "me" time. i think it's really important for me to have this now. i need to feel renewed, and everything happens for a reason, and maybe that's why i ended up having 3 days off in a row. i was pissed about it at first, but in all honesty... i think i need this time more than anything. it'll help me appreciate myself for a few days. stress-free. that's the best way to be.
- Saturday, 2/25/12
after work last night (got off at 4:30 (woot), a dear friend picked me up at work and we headed and had some delicious mexican food to celebrate hanging out and me getting out of work early. we decided to hang out and have a slumber party since her roommates were out of town. so we had a girl's night and just hung out and had a good ole time. without a car, i decided i'd spend the night since i didn't have to work until 12:30 today. but OF COURSE i tried to sleep in at her house, but of course when the sun came up... i was wide awake. so, i just sat around for a while... my anxiety was pretty bad, so i called me mom (so sweet of her) and she came to pick me up and bring me back to the house so i could get ready for work at a slow pace (which is what i prefer). now that i'm pretty much almost ready, i decided i'd hop on here and update what's been going on.
next week at work i'm only scheduled to work 3 days. 3. only 3. what assholes. i work my ass off, and they cut my hours. so, needless to say i'm crossing my fingers about finding another job. the office manager at the animal hospital comes back in from his vacation on the 28th, so as it turns out... i have that day off, so i'm going to run over there (it's right down the street from my house) and talk to the manager in person. i really need and want that job so bad. it'd be great pay, great people, no drama, and i'd get benefits working there full time. unlike my new job.... which makes you work you're ass off, and still cuts your hours. so, believe me. next week on my FOUR days off, i'm going to be job searching. i have to get out of that toxic work place. i don't want to get my hopes up about going back to work at the animal hospital, but i just really have a good feeling about it. i know how things work, i know the computer system (would need a refresher course), but i'm a great candidate for the reception position. man, i hope i can go back and work there. that's my goal: go back to what i loved.
next week at work i'm only scheduled to work 3 days. 3. only 3. what assholes. i work my ass off, and they cut my hours. so, needless to say i'm crossing my fingers about finding another job. the office manager at the animal hospital comes back in from his vacation on the 28th, so as it turns out... i have that day off, so i'm going to run over there (it's right down the street from my house) and talk to the manager in person. i really need and want that job so bad. it'd be great pay, great people, no drama, and i'd get benefits working there full time. unlike my new job.... which makes you work you're ass off, and still cuts your hours. so, believe me. next week on my FOUR days off, i'm going to be job searching. i have to get out of that toxic work place. i don't want to get my hopes up about going back to work at the animal hospital, but i just really have a good feeling about it. i know how things work, i know the computer system (would need a refresher course), but i'm a great candidate for the reception position. man, i hope i can go back and work there. that's my goal: go back to what i loved.
Quotes of the day."The task of art today is to bring chaos into order."
"It is one of my sources of happiness never to desire a knowledge of other people's business." "The ear is the avenue to the heart." "No matter how many goals you have achieved, you must set your sights on a higher one." |
Horoscope of the day.You’ve always had a knack for all things financial, Sagittarius, but today your ability is especially enhanced. You’ve discovered all the free investing information available over the Internet, and you absorb it like a sponge. Your natural fiscal sense enables you to separate the nonsense from the sound investment advice. Your portfolio and your mood benefit immediately!
- i don't really know what me investing in information over the internet. but i do know i'm for sure dealing with financial things, so maybe today i'll get some stuff in order and my mood will be uplifted. please? |
- Thursday, 2/23/12
it's been a while since i've woken up and been in such high spirits. i don't know what brought it on, but i like how it feels. i guess it's been the new job that has kept my spirits a little shaky, but i'm slowly growing to look past the pettiness of it all, and enjoy my days. i need to do that. i need that in my life. i want and need to keep stepping forward, not back. one step forward, two steps forward, three steps forward, and so on. i want that again. i'm going to have that again. i need to quit taking things to where it effects my heart and soul. most of the time, it's petty, and in my eyes, i think that's just ridiculous. why live life just getting by? i can't do that anymore. i was doing so well, and then fell into a dark whole. but i'm crawling out of that bitch of a hole and i'm going to be on top again.
i woke up to a beautiful morning, and today our high is in the 70s, but with that nice temp, comes horrible storms. it sucks it's going to turn so bad bc this morning truly is beautiful. i hate storms too. i love them when i'm at home, and can be lazy and enjoy the sounds of a storm. but NOT when i have to be out and about in it. thank god (i can't believe i'm about to say this) i don't have a car. bc i honestly don't think i could or would want to drive to work in bad weather. especially in an area where NO ONE knows how to drive. accidents all the time in that area (kind of like mine). bad weather makes people drive horribly, and i don't want to be apart of it.
i hate driving more than just about anything. after my car accident that injured me almost 4 years ago, i told my mom i would love to be able to afford someone to drive me around so i never have to drive. it just gives me the worst anxiety. i don't want that.
as it turns out, my car that got into a fight with a ditch isn't totaled at the moment. if the place finds one more thing wrong with it, then it's going to be considered totaled. lets cross our fingers and send good energy to it so i don't have to buy another car. i really don't have the money for car payments. my car was completely paid for, and i really can't afford (with all my bills) to have a car note every month. that would suck big balls. i mean, damn, i've made mistakes (that seem to happen a lot lately), but i really want my car back. it was so trustworthy and sturdy. and that's what i want in a car. not a piece of shit car that's unreliable and not as safe as my impala.
i woke up to a beautiful morning, and today our high is in the 70s, but with that nice temp, comes horrible storms. it sucks it's going to turn so bad bc this morning truly is beautiful. i hate storms too. i love them when i'm at home, and can be lazy and enjoy the sounds of a storm. but NOT when i have to be out and about in it. thank god (i can't believe i'm about to say this) i don't have a car. bc i honestly don't think i could or would want to drive to work in bad weather. especially in an area where NO ONE knows how to drive. accidents all the time in that area (kind of like mine). bad weather makes people drive horribly, and i don't want to be apart of it.
i hate driving more than just about anything. after my car accident that injured me almost 4 years ago, i told my mom i would love to be able to afford someone to drive me around so i never have to drive. it just gives me the worst anxiety. i don't want that.
as it turns out, my car that got into a fight with a ditch isn't totaled at the moment. if the place finds one more thing wrong with it, then it's going to be considered totaled. lets cross our fingers and send good energy to it so i don't have to buy another car. i really don't have the money for car payments. my car was completely paid for, and i really can't afford (with all my bills) to have a car note every month. that would suck big balls. i mean, damn, i've made mistakes (that seem to happen a lot lately), but i really want my car back. it was so trustworthy and sturdy. and that's what i want in a car. not a piece of shit car that's unreliable and not as safe as my impala.
- Wednesday, 2/22/12
sad news, turns out i can't go visit flip in virginia. this makes me so sad i can't even explain it.
i have waaaay to many bills at the moment. and my wreck with the ditch has left me with no car, and no telling as to whether or not it's drivable or not. i have so much on my plate, and it's making me ill just thinking about it all. i just have to remember, one step at a time. that's the only way i can even fathom facing bills when i get such shitty pay. i did do some photography and photoshop yesterday, which brought in some money, but it'll all be used up soon. why does money have to be such a big deal? it's driving me crazy just thinking that at this moment in my life, that's pretty much what i have to base it on. but then again, it is all my fault. the medical bills, the car insurance, the wreck, everything. i brought it upon myself. i just hate that i have to focus on money so much. none to spend, only to save. which is fine bc it'll help get the bills paid, but i'm just a little overwhelmed by it now. and by "a little" overwhelmed, i really mean "a lot".
enough about money. i hate it, so why talk about it? even though its all i'm thinking about right now. (sigh.) i go into work today. there's money right there, ugh, here i go talking about money again. i don't have to close today (boop!) and i get to work in apparel (which is pretty tedious, but it's better than the cash register - which i hate bc for some reason i always have wrong numbers in my drawer at the end of the day). i leave 30 min before they close, and i will be sectioned off from a lot of the mayhem that happens in the rest of the store.
i really need some uplifting in my soul today. i need to quit taking things so seriously, and just go with the flow. one step at a time, that's what i always say. though, as it was pointed out to me, sometimes i do take a step forward, but sometimes i end up taking a step back for whatever reason. i need to keep moving forward, not back. as in my facebook status says, i just want to make people proud of me. it's a great feeling when people are proud of you. and i don't feel i've done that in a while. this past month at my job has just put my in a huge funk. i hate to blame it on a job, but it's more like i blame the situation at the job. and i blame myself for not making the most of it while i'm there. i put in an application back at my animal hospital i worked at two different times to be a receptionist. i really hope they hire me for that position. i'd love to go back to that place. i worked there so long, and really enjoyed myself. but i have to keep in mind they may not hire me bc someone else applied for it before me and is equally qualified. though, all the vet techs i used to work with want me back so bad. i feel so wanted. i hope i can go back to that place of love, appreciation, and acceptance.
i have waaaay to many bills at the moment. and my wreck with the ditch has left me with no car, and no telling as to whether or not it's drivable or not. i have so much on my plate, and it's making me ill just thinking about it all. i just have to remember, one step at a time. that's the only way i can even fathom facing bills when i get such shitty pay. i did do some photography and photoshop yesterday, which brought in some money, but it'll all be used up soon. why does money have to be such a big deal? it's driving me crazy just thinking that at this moment in my life, that's pretty much what i have to base it on. but then again, it is all my fault. the medical bills, the car insurance, the wreck, everything. i brought it upon myself. i just hate that i have to focus on money so much. none to spend, only to save. which is fine bc it'll help get the bills paid, but i'm just a little overwhelmed by it now. and by "a little" overwhelmed, i really mean "a lot".
enough about money. i hate it, so why talk about it? even though its all i'm thinking about right now. (sigh.) i go into work today. there's money right there, ugh, here i go talking about money again. i don't have to close today (boop!) and i get to work in apparel (which is pretty tedious, but it's better than the cash register - which i hate bc for some reason i always have wrong numbers in my drawer at the end of the day). i leave 30 min before they close, and i will be sectioned off from a lot of the mayhem that happens in the rest of the store.
i really need some uplifting in my soul today. i need to quit taking things so seriously, and just go with the flow. one step at a time, that's what i always say. though, as it was pointed out to me, sometimes i do take a step forward, but sometimes i end up taking a step back for whatever reason. i need to keep moving forward, not back. as in my facebook status says, i just want to make people proud of me. it's a great feeling when people are proud of you. and i don't feel i've done that in a while. this past month at my job has just put my in a huge funk. i hate to blame it on a job, but it's more like i blame the situation at the job. and i blame myself for not making the most of it while i'm there. i put in an application back at my animal hospital i worked at two different times to be a receptionist. i really hope they hire me for that position. i'd love to go back to that place. i worked there so long, and really enjoyed myself. but i have to keep in mind they may not hire me bc someone else applied for it before me and is equally qualified. though, all the vet techs i used to work with want me back so bad. i feel so wanted. i hope i can go back to that place of love, appreciation, and acceptance.
Horoscope of the day.Emotional issues rooted in the past could leave you feeling inhibited today, Sagittarius. You might also be a bit more touchy than usual and see insult where none is intended. Curb the impulse to take offense. Try to confront and release the old issues or at least promise yourself you'll deal with them later. Then be very sweet to your entourage. You should be feeling more positive by day's end.
- this is so right on, it's unbelievable. and i hope i truly do feel positive by the end of the day. that's what i really need. to get my positivity back. |
Quotes of the day."You cannot dream yourself into a character; you must hammer and forge yourself one." - Henry David Thoreau
"The essential thing is not knowledge, but character." - Joseph Le Conte "Sow an act, and you reap a habit; sow a habit, and you reap a character; sow a character, and you reap a destiny." - George Dana Boardman the third one is my favorite and so true. i need to truly keep that in mind. i'm struggling and i need to be uplifted, and it's up to me to let that happen. |
- Monday, 2/20/12
indeed it has been a while since i've been up to get on here and touch base on my website. with work, family in town, and laziness has caused me to slack off with my updates on here. i'm a slacker sometimes (bad trait), so i had to get on here this morning just to touch base on my website.
i had the entire weekend off (can't remember the last time i've had that at a job). i got to spend it with my family who were in town, but now... back to the real world and that means... going back to work. but i only have to work today, then i have another day off. how sweet is that? it's going to get my spoiled bc then i'll have to work so many days in a row. but i only have to close ONE time this week. how awesome is that? it's usually i have only ONE day i don't have to close, but not this week. i'm so thankful for the break.
so, as the time gets closer, i'm getting more and more excited about seeing my flip. i've decided to fly (cheapest way) to virginia and stay for a week for a great reunion that is long overdue. i've been trying to go and visit him since december... but now it's finally going to happen. and i'm really glad i don't have to drive there. i don't have my car at the moment (my car and a ditch got into a fight, and the ditch won), so that left me with the choice of renting a car and driving down, or flying. but i checked prices for renting a small car, and the prices were through the roof (not even including the gas i'd have to get). so, nonetheless, i'm flying to see him. i can't wait.
as for today, i'm in a pretty good mood. not top notch, but overall i'm ready for the day. especially bc it's a monday and my store won't be too slammed. i do have a light heart today. i like when i have that. it's light and full of warmth. that'll really help me out with work and getting though the day. my mood went really sour for a while (yet, another reason i haven't updated my site in a few days), but i'm finally out of my funk. i had a reality check to get my shit together. i think i'm getting it all under control and going to prosper through this life. prosper... what a great word. to prosper is to grow. and growing is what my soul and spirit really need.
i had the entire weekend off (can't remember the last time i've had that at a job). i got to spend it with my family who were in town, but now... back to the real world and that means... going back to work. but i only have to work today, then i have another day off. how sweet is that? it's going to get my spoiled bc then i'll have to work so many days in a row. but i only have to close ONE time this week. how awesome is that? it's usually i have only ONE day i don't have to close, but not this week. i'm so thankful for the break.
so, as the time gets closer, i'm getting more and more excited about seeing my flip. i've decided to fly (cheapest way) to virginia and stay for a week for a great reunion that is long overdue. i've been trying to go and visit him since december... but now it's finally going to happen. and i'm really glad i don't have to drive there. i don't have my car at the moment (my car and a ditch got into a fight, and the ditch won), so that left me with the choice of renting a car and driving down, or flying. but i checked prices for renting a small car, and the prices were through the roof (not even including the gas i'd have to get). so, nonetheless, i'm flying to see him. i can't wait.
as for today, i'm in a pretty good mood. not top notch, but overall i'm ready for the day. especially bc it's a monday and my store won't be too slammed. i do have a light heart today. i like when i have that. it's light and full of warmth. that'll really help me out with work and getting though the day. my mood went really sour for a while (yet, another reason i haven't updated my site in a few days), but i'm finally out of my funk. i had a reality check to get my shit together. i think i'm getting it all under control and going to prosper through this life. prosper... what a great word. to prosper is to grow. and growing is what my soul and spirit really need.
- Wednesday, 2/15/12
good morning to all. i intended to on sleeping in, but no... more like 4 am. why the hell am i supposed to get any sleep. i went to bed late, but i still wasn't able to sleep. i woke up on my bed (not even in the covers). just fell asleep on my bed, and woke up at four. undid my bed, just to lay in and but once i'm awake, i'm up running for the day. lets hope i can make it through the work day. i'm feeling good at the moment. i'm not dreading work like i usually to, well for that matter, i'm going to hopefully have a good day today. long day, but i think i'll make it :)
sucks that i wasn't have my valentine here with me. it sucks not being able to have a kiss from my sweetness. but he lives so far away... but LUCKLY i get to visit him march. i can't wail to see his sweet face. i'm saving up money for the trip. i was going to fly in, but it was too expensive... so i opted to wake up early on march 8th and head to virginia. virginia, here i come.
what a beautiful day we're having. the sun is out, it feels pretty nice outside... couldn't ask for a better day. it just sucks bc i won't be able to be outside to enjoy it... but i am at the registers today, so i'll be able to see the sun :)
sucks that i wasn't have my valentine here with me. it sucks not being able to have a kiss from my sweetness. but he lives so far away... but LUCKLY i get to visit him march. i can't wail to see his sweet face. i'm saving up money for the trip. i was going to fly in, but it was too expensive... so i opted to wake up early on march 8th and head to virginia. virginia, here i come.
what a beautiful day we're having. the sun is out, it feels pretty nice outside... couldn't ask for a better day. it just sucks bc i won't be able to be outside to enjoy it... but i am at the registers today, so i'll be able to see the sun :)
- Tuesday, 2/14/12
Happy Valentines Day <3
good morning to all. had yesterday off... actually had a great solo day, but met up with friends after spending some amazing time at cafe coco. i did need a break and a day off work, but now i don't get another day off until Saturday. boooooo. but at least i will have an actual weekend day off, that way i can go out on friday night and not have to worry about going to work the next day. since i've been at this job, i've yet to have a weekend day off, so it'll be awesome.
i don't go into work until 2:30 today (woo hoo, shorter work day), but i still have to close (imagine that). but i'm just going to grin and bear it. i have to get used to this whole going into work thing. i seriously sit at home in the morning, just not wanting to go to work after being awake for so long. why can't i just sleep in like a normal person? get ready for work, have little idle time, and then head in. but no, with me... wake up at the crack of dawn, and slowly get ready for work. it just seems to make my mind think about how much i DON'T want to work. but i have to remember i'm just going into another work day, not a big deal. just wake up, sit around, and shut up and go to work, claire.
i'm so happy, yesterday flip got my package in the mail. he loved it. the chocolates, the painting, and collage i made him. i didn't expect it to get there so soon, but i'm so glad it got there the day before valentines day. he said it was the best valentine's gift he's ever gotten. that really made me smile :) i love surprising him. and i think he likes when i surprise him too :)
ps. i'm almost done with my new flower hat for my festival going ways. it's going to look awesome. so far it does at least, hah.
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what a day it has been. a good day. but a shit day. i did nothing but stock and organize. that's fine with me. but not all day. ugh. i really
i don't go into work until 2:30 today (woo hoo, shorter work day), but i still have to close (imagine that). but i'm just going to grin and bear it. i have to get used to this whole going into work thing. i seriously sit at home in the morning, just not wanting to go to work after being awake for so long. why can't i just sleep in like a normal person? get ready for work, have little idle time, and then head in. but no, with me... wake up at the crack of dawn, and slowly get ready for work. it just seems to make my mind think about how much i DON'T want to work. but i have to remember i'm just going into another work day, not a big deal. just wake up, sit around, and shut up and go to work, claire.
i'm so happy, yesterday flip got my package in the mail. he loved it. the chocolates, the painting, and collage i made him. i didn't expect it to get there so soon, but i'm so glad it got there the day before valentines day. he said it was the best valentine's gift he's ever gotten. that really made me smile :) i love surprising him. and i think he likes when i surprise him too :)
ps. i'm almost done with my new flower hat for my festival going ways. it's going to look awesome. so far it does at least, hah.
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what a day it has been. a good day. but a shit day. i did nothing but stock and organize. that's fine with me. but not all day. ugh. i really
- Sunday, 2/12/12
YAY FOR HAVING A SHORT WORK DAY TODAY!
on my fb status, i said my goal today was to smile to everyone i talk to. no matter if i'm moody, stressed... everyone is still going to get a smile. they are contagious right? i want to be able to smile whole heartedly all the time. we all have our ups and downs, but when it's on the upward curve, learn to smile and enjoy it. there are so many people out there that just NEVER smile, like a true smile. i want mine to be contagious. i always need to remind myself not to take things so seriously. it's not worth the stress when all we need to do is take a "breather" and try to bring out that smile again. here are some great quotes about smiling. do enjoy.
“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.” - Dr. Seuss
“Peace begins with a smile..” - Mother Teresa
“And then he gives me a smile that just seems so genuinely sweet with just the right touch of shyness that unexpected warmth rushes through me.” - Suzanne Collins
“Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.” - Mother Teresa
“I was smiling yesterday,I am smiling today and I will smile tomorrow.Simply because life is too short to cry for anything.” - Santosh Kalwar
on my fb status, i said my goal today was to smile to everyone i talk to. no matter if i'm moody, stressed... everyone is still going to get a smile. they are contagious right? i want to be able to smile whole heartedly all the time. we all have our ups and downs, but when it's on the upward curve, learn to smile and enjoy it. there are so many people out there that just NEVER smile, like a true smile. i want mine to be contagious. i always need to remind myself not to take things so seriously. it's not worth the stress when all we need to do is take a "breather" and try to bring out that smile again. here are some great quotes about smiling. do enjoy.
“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.” - Dr. Seuss
“Peace begins with a smile..” - Mother Teresa
“And then he gives me a smile that just seems so genuinely sweet with just the right touch of shyness that unexpected warmth rushes through me.” - Suzanne Collins
“Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.” - Mother Teresa
“I was smiling yesterday,I am smiling today and I will smile tomorrow.Simply because life is too short to cry for anything.” - Santosh Kalwar
the one quote about smile simply bc life is too short to cry, really hit me in the face with truthness. i really like that quote. i'm going to have to put that in my pocket and remember that throughout the day, just to keep my spirits high and have an enlightened heart. i'm sick of dreading work. that's all it is. go in, do your job, get paid, and repeat. but i can't let silly stuff get to me anymore. remember claire, its just a job... you still have your own photography business. sorry, i just spoke in third person, hah. but i need to remind myself that there is WAY more to life than going though the motions. i make my own motions. it is up to me to realize that life is truly too short to dread anything. no more dreading work... everything will be just fine... i just have to keep telling myself that.
- Saturday, 2/11/12
wow. yesterday was a roller coaster. i started feeling pretty bad yesterday as the morning went on. i got ready for work. headed to work. threw up at work. was sent home from work. i was sick as a dog all day yesterday. i had to lay in bed (and NOT move, or i'd get sick AGAIN), and ended up watching like 5 movies. then went to bed super early. i tried sleeping ALL day when i came home from work, but my stomach wouldn't let that happen. i had to lay completely still. it was a big bummer indeed.
today, i am feeling a bit better. nausea has settled down, no more IBS, i somewhat have an appetite, and i can move around without the fear of up-chucking everywhere. i hope i can make it through the day. i'm physically drained, so let's hope i don't overdue it. i'll just go slow and keep a steady pace. please of please say i don't get ill again at work. i need the money, i can't get sent home again bc of a sickness. plus, i need to be there bc saturday is our busiest day at work... so i know they will need my help. i can't back out, just got to go with the flow. and hopefully that flow is going to make me feel better. not worse.
i woke up this morning to it snowing. or is that snow? it's falling from the sky, landing on the streets and just blowing around. if it's going to snow, stick on the grass please. i don't want to be going down nolensville with snow on the road. and tennessee drivers freak the fuck out when it snows... and they can't drive it in, so i have to make sure i stay away from those horrible drivers.
i went by the post office this morning and sent my sweet flip a package. a box of chocolates with yummy goodness, a painting, and a collage i made with funny quotes on it. just for his entertainment. i hope he doesn't read this, then he'll know what i'm sending him. so, no one tell him please, hah.
today, i am feeling a bit better. nausea has settled down, no more IBS, i somewhat have an appetite, and i can move around without the fear of up-chucking everywhere. i hope i can make it through the day. i'm physically drained, so let's hope i don't overdue it. i'll just go slow and keep a steady pace. please of please say i don't get ill again at work. i need the money, i can't get sent home again bc of a sickness. plus, i need to be there bc saturday is our busiest day at work... so i know they will need my help. i can't back out, just got to go with the flow. and hopefully that flow is going to make me feel better. not worse.
i woke up this morning to it snowing. or is that snow? it's falling from the sky, landing on the streets and just blowing around. if it's going to snow, stick on the grass please. i don't want to be going down nolensville with snow on the road. and tennessee drivers freak the fuck out when it snows... and they can't drive it in, so i have to make sure i stay away from those horrible drivers.
i went by the post office this morning and sent my sweet flip a package. a box of chocolates with yummy goodness, a painting, and a collage i made with funny quotes on it. just for his entertainment. i hope he doesn't read this, then he'll know what i'm sending him. so, no one tell him please, hah.
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as the day has gone by and come and come to and end, i am truly feeling better. thank the a
- Friday, 2/10/12
it really has been a while since i've been on here. i just haven't been in the mood to hop on this site lately, not sure why really, but needless to say, i decided to write today. so, i apologize for my absense... if you even noticed, hah.
yesterday was a great day off work. i worked on photo shop all day yesterday editing photos from a friend's wedding i did in january. i'm almost done and they really have turned out great, so i'm excited to see how they all look once their done, and the bride and groom can enjoy them :) too bad yesterday went by so fast. i wish i had another day off. like, really... not even kidding. bc now, that means i have to go back to my job (which i'm still struggling to like), and work my ass off until close today. and we don't close until 8, so we probably won't get out of there until 9:30 or so. if not later. ugh, gross. i hate not being able to leave once i've done my duties, i always end up picking up someone else's slack and doing their work for them. i do this solely to hurry and get the hell out of there. it's like the workers don't realize the quicker we work, the earlier we can go home (but no, they want to milk to clock and get more money). which is ok with me, except when i get to that point where i'm so tired i just want to leave.
ugh, negative nancy right here. i need to lighten up. it's just a fucking job. i get paid. i need to quit letting stress and dread rule my day. what a horrible feeling. being stressd and dreading the day. that's not what it's about. life is about living. live your life. and sometimes i'm starting to think that this job is really effecting me. i don't like that. i feel i should go in there with an open heart and an open mind. i don't need to go in with dread in my heart. that just makes things worse and makes me feel worse. so, i guess in order to stop feeling that way, i need to be proactive and stand up and feel good again. forget counting down the days until my next day off, no more taking things personally from one of the managers - which i should just brush off (i'm way over qualified to work there, so i need to quit fretting), and i need to forget what other employees are doing or thinking when it comes to work. that's all it is, work. i just go there to work, and when i leave, i should just leave it behind me. but i'm having a hard time leaving work AT work. i'm getting in the grind where i take stress home with me from work, and causes me to wake up, only to dread work again. enough is enough. i need to lighten up.
on a side note, since my electronic cigarette cartridges are no where to be found to buy more, i'm started smoking real cigs again, and i really didn't miss this horrible cough it gives me. it's even worse bc i went from smoking smokeless cigs to tar cigs again. ugh, i hope i can find out another place that sells the cartridges, bc i really want some more. i was really loving the freedom of smoking where i pleased and it had no negative effects that cigs have. so, if anyone knows anything about fifty-one duo cartridges, then please let me know. i'm thinking of calling the toll free number to see if they will let me order them from them, or tell me where i can find them in this area. it's crucial i find this out. i didn't spend all that money for the electronic cigarette just to pick up smoking real cigs again. geeze.
nvm, i just called the toll free number and ordered more cartridges. i'm so glad, and it's SOOOOO much cheaper than the kiosk price. glad i decided to call them... i need to kick the real cigs, for reals.
yesterday was a great day off work. i worked on photo shop all day yesterday editing photos from a friend's wedding i did in january. i'm almost done and they really have turned out great, so i'm excited to see how they all look once their done, and the bride and groom can enjoy them :) too bad yesterday went by so fast. i wish i had another day off. like, really... not even kidding. bc now, that means i have to go back to my job (which i'm still struggling to like), and work my ass off until close today. and we don't close until 8, so we probably won't get out of there until 9:30 or so. if not later. ugh, gross. i hate not being able to leave once i've done my duties, i always end up picking up someone else's slack and doing their work for them. i do this solely to hurry and get the hell out of there. it's like the workers don't realize the quicker we work, the earlier we can go home (but no, they want to milk to clock and get more money). which is ok with me, except when i get to that point where i'm so tired i just want to leave.
ugh, negative nancy right here. i need to lighten up. it's just a fucking job. i get paid. i need to quit letting stress and dread rule my day. what a horrible feeling. being stressd and dreading the day. that's not what it's about. life is about living. live your life. and sometimes i'm starting to think that this job is really effecting me. i don't like that. i feel i should go in there with an open heart and an open mind. i don't need to go in with dread in my heart. that just makes things worse and makes me feel worse. so, i guess in order to stop feeling that way, i need to be proactive and stand up and feel good again. forget counting down the days until my next day off, no more taking things personally from one of the managers - which i should just brush off (i'm way over qualified to work there, so i need to quit fretting), and i need to forget what other employees are doing or thinking when it comes to work. that's all it is, work. i just go there to work, and when i leave, i should just leave it behind me. but i'm having a hard time leaving work AT work. i'm getting in the grind where i take stress home with me from work, and causes me to wake up, only to dread work again. enough is enough. i need to lighten up.
on a side note, since my electronic cigarette cartridges are no where to be found to buy more, i'm started smoking real cigs again, and i really didn't miss this horrible cough it gives me. it's even worse bc i went from smoking smokeless cigs to tar cigs again. ugh, i hope i can find out another place that sells the cartridges, bc i really want some more. i was really loving the freedom of smoking where i pleased and it had no negative effects that cigs have. so, if anyone knows anything about fifty-one duo cartridges, then please let me know. i'm thinking of calling the toll free number to see if they will let me order them from them, or tell me where i can find them in this area. it's crucial i find this out. i didn't spend all that money for the electronic cigarette just to pick up smoking real cigs again. geeze.
nvm, i just called the toll free number and ordered more cartridges. i'm so glad, and it's SOOOOO much cheaper than the kiosk price. glad i decided to call them... i need to kick the real cigs, for reals.
- Monday, 2/6/12
yay :) today at work i don't have to close and then i have tomorrow off! what a combo. it's a good one right there. for some reason the past couple of days i've been really out of it and not myself. but today, i feel like i'm feeling more "me". i've missed my outgoing, happy self.
a good start of the day was when i got up and checked my phone to find the sweetest and truest text from my sweet flip. he knew i was asleep, so he texted me those "oh so sweet" words. what a wonderful wake-up event.
as for today, i'm going to try to open up my heart to wonderful things, let the petty stuff just slip on by, and have a wonderful energy around me. that's my goal for the day. to have positive and happy energy flow through me today. that's what i need the most. to be happy. we all need that. especially after my funk i've been feeling all week. i deserve to be happy, to feel happy, to share my happiness. we all need it. we all need to do it. the happiness is always there (like i - and osho) always say. you just have to open your eyes and realize the happiness is there. all the time. not in burst of happiness, just happiness all the time. that's what this world needs. to lighten up and be happy. easier said than done, but happiness really will prevail and make the world go 'round.
i'm going to meditate on this before work today. i really need to soak up some good vibes and produce wonderful energy.
a good start of the day was when i got up and checked my phone to find the sweetest and truest text from my sweet flip. he knew i was asleep, so he texted me those "oh so sweet" words. what a wonderful wake-up event.
as for today, i'm going to try to open up my heart to wonderful things, let the petty stuff just slip on by, and have a wonderful energy around me. that's my goal for the day. to have positive and happy energy flow through me today. that's what i need the most. to be happy. we all need that. especially after my funk i've been feeling all week. i deserve to be happy, to feel happy, to share my happiness. we all need it. we all need to do it. the happiness is always there (like i - and osho) always say. you just have to open your eyes and realize the happiness is there. all the time. not in burst of happiness, just happiness all the time. that's what this world needs. to lighten up and be happy. easier said than done, but happiness really will prevail and make the world go 'round.
i'm going to meditate on this before work today. i really need to soak up some good vibes and produce wonderful energy.
- Sunday, 2/5/12
well, i'm happy to say i was able to sleep until 8 this morning. after a day of running on my 4am wake-up call yesterday, i was SO tired. pretty much woke up at 4 sm yesterday and had to go to bed at 10:30 pm. my head hit the pillow, and BAM, i was out like a light. i was so exhausted.
as for today? work of course. it's a short day today (open at noon, close at 6). but that doesn't mean i get to leave at 6, i still have closing duties to do, so who knows when i'll be getting home. i really don't like that schedule at all. i want to know when i get to leave, not leave when everyone else is done. i work my ass off, and then have to help other people work on their sections. it's pretty annoying. it's like i work my ass off, then i have to go pick up slack of the other employees. listen to me bitch, i need to stop that. that just surrounds me with negativity. and honestly, i don't need any of that. i need positivity, a stress free state of mind, and a helpful heart. that's really what i should be doing at work. not bitching. that gets me nowhere.
so, i'm so upset about my electronic cigarette (dolly). the kiosk that i had been buying my cartridges closed down. i went on their website to buy more, but the site they have to so messed up, it won't even let me put items in my shopping cart. so, i have one more cartridge, but i'm saving that for work so i can sneak away every once in a while and take a hit of it, just to get some nicotine. but i'm uber pissed that i can't get more now. i've resorted to smoking cigarettes again until i get more cartridges for my dolly. only time will tell if i get more of these things, bc i've invested enough money in the electronic cigarette, that i'd kind of like to keep that habit going, not so much when it comes to real cigs. i'm kind of over them. ahhhhh, frustration!
as for today? work of course. it's a short day today (open at noon, close at 6). but that doesn't mean i get to leave at 6, i still have closing duties to do, so who knows when i'll be getting home. i really don't like that schedule at all. i want to know when i get to leave, not leave when everyone else is done. i work my ass off, and then have to help other people work on their sections. it's pretty annoying. it's like i work my ass off, then i have to go pick up slack of the other employees. listen to me bitch, i need to stop that. that just surrounds me with negativity. and honestly, i don't need any of that. i need positivity, a stress free state of mind, and a helpful heart. that's really what i should be doing at work. not bitching. that gets me nowhere.
so, i'm so upset about my electronic cigarette (dolly). the kiosk that i had been buying my cartridges closed down. i went on their website to buy more, but the site they have to so messed up, it won't even let me put items in my shopping cart. so, i have one more cartridge, but i'm saving that for work so i can sneak away every once in a while and take a hit of it, just to get some nicotine. but i'm uber pissed that i can't get more now. i've resorted to smoking cigarettes again until i get more cartridges for my dolly. only time will tell if i get more of these things, bc i've invested enough money in the electronic cigarette, that i'd kind of like to keep that habit going, not so much when it comes to real cigs. i'm kind of over them. ahhhhh, frustration!
- Saturday, 2/4/12
here's to another early morning wake up call. and by "early morning wake up call"... i referring to the fact i've been up since 4 am. no work until 12:30, then i have to close the store. it's going to be a long day, and night for that matter. i do love my morning time, but i'm really not liking this whole "not being able to sleep in" thing. like on days off, i still wake up at the crack of dawn. why is this? i just can't figure it out. i tried and tried to go back to sleep. but i'm the type of person, that once i'm awake... then, its set in stone that i'll be awake. boo. eh, what am i talking about? i really do like getting up early, i just hate having to wait around until work. that's the part that sucks.
i would prefer opening and leaving at 6 or 7 (depending on when the store is closing), that way i get a full work day, and i don't have to do all the hard shit we have to deal with at the end of the day. that's what takes for ever. literally going to each aisle and putting it back together bc people don't put things back and are really inconsiderate of how our store is treated. it's sad really. i can't believe people can be so inconsiderate and messy. it just blows by mind. it's like, they pick something up, walk around the huge store, and then put the item back down wherever they please. even if it's a doll they liked and changed their mind, so they put it on the electronic shelf. make sense? no, not a bit. i guess i've never been a costumer like that... i tend to respect anywhere i am going. whether its shopping, running errands, and what have you.... i always try to be a good customer.
ok, rant over.
not sure exactly what the future holds, but i DO know i'll be getting more photo work soon. that way on my days off, i can get my photo on, and get paid according to what my degree enables me to. not bad pay like a my other job, but actual good money. i miss photography shoots. looking forward to having that back into my life and getting my business up and going again.
on an awesome side note: i'm going to visit flip march 9th - 16th. it's finalized, and i'm SO excited for it. it's been so long since i've seen my sweet boy. i've decided to drive (cheaper than flying), and that way i can bring some of his stuff he left here in tennessee. so i'll have to make my run arounds and gather things he wants that he left before he headed out of town. so, tv, cds, clothes, bedding, etc... all going to virginia with me so my boy can have his stuff. what a sweet girlfriend i am.
i would prefer opening and leaving at 6 or 7 (depending on when the store is closing), that way i get a full work day, and i don't have to do all the hard shit we have to deal with at the end of the day. that's what takes for ever. literally going to each aisle and putting it back together bc people don't put things back and are really inconsiderate of how our store is treated. it's sad really. i can't believe people can be so inconsiderate and messy. it just blows by mind. it's like, they pick something up, walk around the huge store, and then put the item back down wherever they please. even if it's a doll they liked and changed their mind, so they put it on the electronic shelf. make sense? no, not a bit. i guess i've never been a costumer like that... i tend to respect anywhere i am going. whether its shopping, running errands, and what have you.... i always try to be a good customer.
ok, rant over.
not sure exactly what the future holds, but i DO know i'll be getting more photo work soon. that way on my days off, i can get my photo on, and get paid according to what my degree enables me to. not bad pay like a my other job, but actual good money. i miss photography shoots. looking forward to having that back into my life and getting my business up and going again.
on an awesome side note: i'm going to visit flip march 9th - 16th. it's finalized, and i'm SO excited for it. it's been so long since i've seen my sweet boy. i've decided to drive (cheaper than flying), and that way i can bring some of his stuff he left here in tennessee. so i'll have to make my run arounds and gather things he wants that he left before he headed out of town. so, tv, cds, clothes, bedding, etc... all going to virginia with me so my boy can have his stuff. what a sweet girlfriend i am.
- Friday, 2/3/12
honestly, i'm getting a little tired of this whole "waking up early" thing. especially when i don't have to work at 2:30. i mean, i like having my down time in the morning, but getting up 8 1/2 hours before work is just brutal. i wish i could sleep in, but honestly... once i see any light coming through my blinds, then my body goes into full wake up mode. i'm not too tired but i guarantee i'm be super tired by work, and i close tonight, which is going to wear me out. the weekend at my job are mayhem.
working in a retail business which caters to people who have no decency when shopping at that place. they pick one thing down. and of course it's not in the right spot. how inconsiderate. it's not that hard to put a product back where you found it. it's common sense and courtesy. what has the world come to? it's sad i realize this about my job. i'm just going to go in with a smile on my face. we don't close at 7, we close at 8 on fridays and saturdays, we are open to 8, which means - closing down the store is going to be a bitch. after the customers leave, we go and fix all the shelves and try to make sense in all the madness. and believe it, it's going to take forever. i hate retail shoppers, so unappreciative.
on a lighter note, i think i'm going to take my one of my toy cameras to work. i'm thinking the sprocket rocket. but i'm not sure. i'm considering using my red scale film with my "yellow peace camera" which, though cheap, it has an amazing plastic (that's generally what toy cameras are made out of... plastic) lense that it'll be sure to give me some amazing shots. ok, made up my decision... yellow peace camera is it. time to change out the film and have fun during my work day. yeah, that just gave me a smile just thinking about it!
working in a retail business which caters to people who have no decency when shopping at that place. they pick one thing down. and of course it's not in the right spot. how inconsiderate. it's not that hard to put a product back where you found it. it's common sense and courtesy. what has the world come to? it's sad i realize this about my job. i'm just going to go in with a smile on my face. we don't close at 7, we close at 8 on fridays and saturdays, we are open to 8, which means - closing down the store is going to be a bitch. after the customers leave, we go and fix all the shelves and try to make sense in all the madness. and believe it, it's going to take forever. i hate retail shoppers, so unappreciative.
on a lighter note, i think i'm going to take my one of my toy cameras to work. i'm thinking the sprocket rocket. but i'm not sure. i'm considering using my red scale film with my "yellow peace camera" which, though cheap, it has an amazing plastic (that's generally what toy cameras are made out of... plastic) lense that it'll be sure to give me some amazing shots. ok, made up my decision... yellow peace camera is it. time to change out the film and have fun during my work day. yeah, that just gave me a smile just thinking about it!
came across this this morning.
I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman. - Anaïs Nin (1903 - 1977)
- Thursday, 2/2/12
yay for having another day off on a beautiful day. tuesday was beautiful as well... and i really lucked out on having another beautiful day (considering yesterday was stormy and rainy). what to do on a day like this? i do have errands to run, so i'll def enjoy getting out and about in the wonderful sunlight. sunlight really does help me with the short days this time of year. the days ARE getting longer (thank the lord), but i enjoy any opportunity to soak up the rays. i saw a video that said if you just go outside this time of year and soak up some sun for about 20 minutes really helps with the winter time blues. having depression myself, seasonal depression is also a factor in my health that i have to tend to. soaking up UV rays will help me smile and laugh more. that's just what the sun is for. for us to love, cherish, and admire. and today, i will be doing all of these things, thanking the wonderful sun.
it's so nice outside i actually decided to wear a sun dress. it's really long and tie-dyed. and i went outside, and it's really not that bad out there at all. it's quite delightful. listen to me, wearing a sun dress (that i usually only wear in the summer), and it's the beginning of february... it can't get much better than that.
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it truly has been a wonderful day. bored in the morning, but once i got cleaned up for the day, things really started to pick up. i was able to run my errands for the day. i feel accomplished. i ran errands, walked at the park, sat outside to absorb the beautiful sun, and got to drive with my windows down. how awesome is that? now, i feel like reading and absorbing all the awesome knowledge about how to improve your life and spirituality. i could really use some uplifting reading. i love my books. with my ADD, i can't stand and work on one book at a time (this goes with my art work as well), so i keep multiple things going at once. that way i don't get bored. sound weird? well, i find it to not be what so ever, hah.
it's so nice outside i actually decided to wear a sun dress. it's really long and tie-dyed. and i went outside, and it's really not that bad out there at all. it's quite delightful. listen to me, wearing a sun dress (that i usually only wear in the summer), and it's the beginning of february... it can't get much better than that.
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it truly has been a wonderful day. bored in the morning, but once i got cleaned up for the day, things really started to pick up. i was able to run my errands for the day. i feel accomplished. i ran errands, walked at the park, sat outside to absorb the beautiful sun, and got to drive with my windows down. how awesome is that? now, i feel like reading and absorbing all the awesome knowledge about how to improve your life and spirituality. i could really use some uplifting reading. i love my books. with my ADD, i can't stand and work on one book at a time (this goes with my art work as well), so i keep multiple things going at once. that way i don't get bored. sound weird? well, i find it to not be what so ever, hah.
I have much to say about darkness, because nobody has taken notice of the mystery that darkness is. Much has been said about light, almost nothing about darkness. But darkness is a much deeper phenomenon than light is. Light comes and goes — darkness remains; it never comes, it never goes. Light is not eternal, because it needs fuel, some kind of fuel, and the fuel will be exhausted sooner or later. Darkness needs no fuel, no cause; hence darkness is not an effect and can remain eternally there. - Osho
- Wednesday, 2/1/12
welcome to february everyone. i didn't post yesterday bc i ended up being a busy bee on my day off. it was a good busy though, but i really didn't feel like sitting down (once i had some down time) in front of the computer. once i got home i was super lazy.
speaking of lazy, i woke up this morning and i'm just not feeling "it" today. don't you hate when you wake up and have that feeling? that's how i've been all morning. hopefully as the day goes on, i'll lighten up a bit and get out of this hole, but it's just so damn gloomy outside its hard get out of this funk. what a gross day outside. warm, yes, icky? even more yes. i'm not as bummed that its gross today, bc i'll be inside at work, but boy am i glad yesterday was gorgeous. i'm glad it was my day off. and it was just perfect.
but today, we'll see how my icky feeling is as the day goes on. i hope i lighten up a bit, i just feel blah. i hate that feeling. it's like you just don't feel like yourself. that's one of my big "ughs" is when i don't feel like myself. it's like i'm having an outer body experience, but i'm just watching myself just going through the motions on a blah day. i hope that doesn't happen today, especially at work. that's when i really need to be alive and me, just me. but i guess we'll see.
speaking of lazy, i woke up this morning and i'm just not feeling "it" today. don't you hate when you wake up and have that feeling? that's how i've been all morning. hopefully as the day goes on, i'll lighten up a bit and get out of this hole, but it's just so damn gloomy outside its hard get out of this funk. what a gross day outside. warm, yes, icky? even more yes. i'm not as bummed that its gross today, bc i'll be inside at work, but boy am i glad yesterday was gorgeous. i'm glad it was my day off. and it was just perfect.
but today, we'll see how my icky feeling is as the day goes on. i hope i lighten up a bit, i just feel blah. i hate that feeling. it's like you just don't feel like yourself. that's one of my big "ughs" is when i don't feel like myself. it's like i'm having an outer body experience, but i'm just watching myself just going through the motions on a blah day. i hope that doesn't happen today, especially at work. that's when i really need to be alive and me, just me. but i guess we'll see.
- Monday, 1/30/12
what a beautiful morning to wake up to. sun sun sun, oh so fun fun fun. we've really lucked out so far with the weather this winter. it's still be cold here and there, and overcasty, but nonetheless, we still have beautiful days like this one. i have tomorrow off, and i cross my fingers it'll be like today and yesterday. please please weather forecast. i'm deprived of the sun when i'm at work, so i've been going outside to my car for my lunch break. and i'll DEF going to be doing that today. high of 60? hell yeah.
yesterday at work, i was talking to a group of the workers about age... and they all thought i was like 18. how cool is that? they couldn't believe i'm 26. i think it's bc i'm such a youngster at heart that it's hard to tell my age. bc according to them, i don't look 26 at all. what a wonderful compliment! not that i really care how old people think i am, i'm just glad they saw my light heart and my ability to have fun, no matter what. i always say, "you're only as old as you feel", and i was just thinking about how i really do feel like the youngest 26 year old i know. not saying my friends are old, i just think my habits and mind make me a youngster at heart. that's pretty cool to me. i like being a youngin'.
yesterday at work, i was talking to a group of the workers about age... and they all thought i was like 18. how cool is that? they couldn't believe i'm 26. i think it's bc i'm such a youngster at heart that it's hard to tell my age. bc according to them, i don't look 26 at all. what a wonderful compliment! not that i really care how old people think i am, i'm just glad they saw my light heart and my ability to have fun, no matter what. i always say, "you're only as old as you feel", and i was just thinking about how i really do feel like the youngest 26 year old i know. not saying my friends are old, i just think my habits and mind make me a youngster at heart. that's pretty cool to me. i like being a youngin'.
Quotes of the day."Without tradition, art is a flock of sheep without a shepherd. Without innovation, it is a corpse."
"The universe never did make sense; I suspect it was built on government contract." (hahah) "A cloudy day is no match for a sunny disposition." |
Affirmation of the day.The sons of men are one
and I am one with them. I seek to love not hate. I seek to serve and not exact due service. I seek to heal not hurt. Let pain bring due reward of light and love. Let the soul control the outer form and life and all events, and bring to light the love which underlies the happenings of the time. Let vision come and insight; let the future stand revealed. Let inner union demonstrate and outer cleavages be gone. Let love prevail. Let all men love. |
Faith is not belief. Many people misinterpret faith as belief. Religious people misinterpret it, anti-religious people misinterpret it; both are agreed on one thing, that faith means belief. Faith does not mean belief at all. Belief is of the head and faith is of the heart — they belong to two different centres, they are really diametrically opposite. -Osho
- Sunday, 1/29/12
happy sunday to everyone. it sure looks like it's going to be a pretty (yet chilly) day for us. that's fine by me. i'm enjoying any and all sunshine i can soak up.
today at work, i'm finally getting trained in specific parts of the store. (which makes me excited to know i'm not going to be doing really hard labor.) but unfortunately i'm starting my first day of section training in the "electronic department". hah, let's see how that goes. i know i'm pretty tech savvy, but i'm not sure i know a single thing about most of the stuff we have at the store. i guess that's why it's called "training", right? anyway... i'm looking forward to learning, not doing hard physical labor. i'm too much of a weakling. i'm not even kidding, i've been sore all week. lifting things i shouldn't lift, bending over and bending down waaaay too much, and doing too many twists and turns. but hopefully this upcoming week will keep me educated on the store and not on the physical labor, and i won't have to hear people bitch and moan about they job they're doing. i'm just going to continue keeping to myself.
i hate to toot my own horn, but "toot toot" on the fact i'm a great worker. i'm a hard worker, yes, but i'm also a SMART worker, which really does make me an all over great worker. i'm proud of myself for that reason. i'm awesome, hah.
today at work, i'm finally getting trained in specific parts of the store. (which makes me excited to know i'm not going to be doing really hard labor.) but unfortunately i'm starting my first day of section training in the "electronic department". hah, let's see how that goes. i know i'm pretty tech savvy, but i'm not sure i know a single thing about most of the stuff we have at the store. i guess that's why it's called "training", right? anyway... i'm looking forward to learning, not doing hard physical labor. i'm too much of a weakling. i'm not even kidding, i've been sore all week. lifting things i shouldn't lift, bending over and bending down waaaay too much, and doing too many twists and turns. but hopefully this upcoming week will keep me educated on the store and not on the physical labor, and i won't have to hear people bitch and moan about they job they're doing. i'm just going to continue keeping to myself.
i hate to toot my own horn, but "toot toot" on the fact i'm a great worker. i'm a hard worker, yes, but i'm also a SMART worker, which really does make me an all over great worker. i'm proud of myself for that reason. i'm awesome, hah.
- Saturday, 1/28/12
so, of course, i woke up early. i think that is how most of my post start out, hah. but i don't have to work until 12:30, so i've promised myself, i'm not going to start even thinking about getting ready until after 9. i'm going to shower then, and continue my process of getting ready. that way i'm not in my mode of "doing things the same way". i get that from having OCD, having to do the same thing every single time the same way, no matter what, and so on. so, today... i'm going to sit back and try to enjoy the long process i have that i can do before having to be at work at 12:30. i'll take my sweet time. and hopefully not stress about it.
and having some good tea is a great way to start off the day, as usual! story of my life. don't know what i'd do without it in the mornings. it makes me all warm and fuzzy feeling. i love that shit. it gets me ready for the day, no matter what. whether its the flavor, the warmth, or the wakefulness it gives me, but i appreciate tea leaves to the max. thanks tea leaves. keep up the good work.
believe it or not, today is my 3rd day without a single cigarette. the electronic cig helps (i call her dolly), but i still want the actual cigarette taste. i don't want to make any promises that i'm not going to smoke a real cigarette, but at least i'm not going out buying and spending money on a pack when i have plenty of dolly's cartrigdes. which, by the way, the sales guy lied to me... the cig doesn't last for 3 boxes of cigarettes, it's more like a day's worth. granted, i'm still weaning myself off of the nicotine and will be able to smoke less of my dolly, but currently, the nicotine i get really helps. and its amazing bc i don't have my horrible smoker's cough. hopefully i can stand strong and not buy a pack, but i can't promise it, and don't judge if i do. i'm doing this for ME, not YOU. so judging just makes you look like a jerk, hah.
and having some good tea is a great way to start off the day, as usual! story of my life. don't know what i'd do without it in the mornings. it makes me all warm and fuzzy feeling. i love that shit. it gets me ready for the day, no matter what. whether its the flavor, the warmth, or the wakefulness it gives me, but i appreciate tea leaves to the max. thanks tea leaves. keep up the good work.
believe it or not, today is my 3rd day without a single cigarette. the electronic cig helps (i call her dolly), but i still want the actual cigarette taste. i don't want to make any promises that i'm not going to smoke a real cigarette, but at least i'm not going out buying and spending money on a pack when i have plenty of dolly's cartrigdes. which, by the way, the sales guy lied to me... the cig doesn't last for 3 boxes of cigarettes, it's more like a day's worth. granted, i'm still weaning myself off of the nicotine and will be able to smoke less of my dolly, but currently, the nicotine i get really helps. and its amazing bc i don't have my horrible smoker's cough. hopefully i can stand strong and not buy a pack, but i can't promise it, and don't judge if i do. i'm doing this for ME, not YOU. so judging just makes you look like a jerk, hah.
- Friday, 1/27/12
happy day to all. i really don't have much to say this morning. i will say i'm super sore from the workout i got yesterday at work. can we say, "no upper body strength"? i think this shows that yes, i can lost weight, but i need to get back into the physical health i used to have. i was toned and buff, hah. so, i suppose i'll keep losing weight, and maybe gain some tone-age? that'd be amazing.
i've been working on my spiritual well being, so i guess this is a true indication that i need to get my physical health in order. that'd be a good duo to have going on at the same time. speaking of my spiritual side... i feel i've dropped in my spirits a lot lately. i think it's bc of all the stress and chaos going on. but that shouldn't effect me when i'm spiritually strong. i need to "dare myself" to continue down a good path towards happiness and enlightenment. that's all i want. that's what everyone wants. i want to keep my foundation there. as long as the foundation is there, there is something that can be built there. i think i've started building on that foundation (which isn't going anywhere) and have had a rough patch, so i ended up holding up on my building on that foundation. my foundation in strong, it's just being built on. you may not be able to see it there. (literally, like a house, you may not be able to actually SEE the foundation holding the house there, but it's there.) that's what's going on in this girl's head. make my foundation strong, and build build build until i am where i need to be at that particular point in my life.
i've been working on my spiritual well being, so i guess this is a true indication that i need to get my physical health in order. that'd be a good duo to have going on at the same time. speaking of my spiritual side... i feel i've dropped in my spirits a lot lately. i think it's bc of all the stress and chaos going on. but that shouldn't effect me when i'm spiritually strong. i need to "dare myself" to continue down a good path towards happiness and enlightenment. that's all i want. that's what everyone wants. i want to keep my foundation there. as long as the foundation is there, there is something that can be built there. i think i've started building on that foundation (which isn't going anywhere) and have had a rough patch, so i ended up holding up on my building on that foundation. my foundation in strong, it's just being built on. you may not be able to see it there. (literally, like a house, you may not be able to actually SEE the foundation holding the house there, but it's there.) that's what's going on in this girl's head. make my foundation strong, and build build build until i am where i need to be at that particular point in my life.
Affirmation of the day.May we love ever more.
May we motivate ourselves to committed love in Action. May we motivate ourselves to live the life we wish to see in the world. May we be the transformation we wish to see in the world. From the inside out . . . From the roots branching upwards . . . From the heart to thought to word to action. Through life's trials and hardships we can arise beautiful and free. |
Horoscope of the day.You might have visitors, Sagittarius, or even a hot date scheduled for tonight, but by mid-afternoon you might be feeling too tired to go through with it and wondering if you should cancel. It's best to keep your activities low key. Have coffee and snacks at home instead of going out, and get the snacks from the store! Your evening is likely to be full of exciting and stimulating conversations, so you'll be glad you stuck with your plans
- i think this forecast is pretty right on. i know i'll be tired after work, and all i plan on doing is working on photoshop, relaxing, and hopefully talking to my sweet flip. |
- Thursday, 1/26/12
good morning to all. don't have to work until 12:30, but my body couldn't sleep in any longer... so i've been up since 6:45. let's see how long i can make it at work. i still don't know what to think about it. oh well, i refuse to keep talking about my lame job on here.
i made some chi tea this morning, added some italian cream, and BAM. but a wonderful wake-up call. it's heaven in my mouth for sure. i really have indulged myself into the tea world recently. i've always would brew some here and there, but now. daily. and by daily, i mean several cups just to enjoy the warmth and the black tea caffeine. don't want to say i'm dependent on the black tea to wake me up, but it sure does help. ok, i lied. i have to have my black tea in the morning. it just gives me a boost so i can make my morning a good morning as opposed to being a zombie walking around for hours before i have to go into work. fuck that. i'm going into work chipper as can be, hah. thanks black tea. i love you.
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i'm really not liking this whole "go into work at 12:30" thing. i get up WAY too early to start my day so late. once i get into work... i'll have already been awake for like 6 hours. then i don't get out until close. which is like 9. probably won't get out until later than that. i guess i'm just being a debbie downer when it comes this job. i said i'd quit my bitching, but it's only my 3rd day, and i do not want to partake.
i made some chi tea this morning, added some italian cream, and BAM. but a wonderful wake-up call. it's heaven in my mouth for sure. i really have indulged myself into the tea world recently. i've always would brew some here and there, but now. daily. and by daily, i mean several cups just to enjoy the warmth and the black tea caffeine. don't want to say i'm dependent on the black tea to wake me up, but it sure does help. ok, i lied. i have to have my black tea in the morning. it just gives me a boost so i can make my morning a good morning as opposed to being a zombie walking around for hours before i have to go into work. fuck that. i'm going into work chipper as can be, hah. thanks black tea. i love you.
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i'm really not liking this whole "go into work at 12:30" thing. i get up WAY too early to start my day so late. once i get into work... i'll have already been awake for like 6 hours. then i don't get out until close. which is like 9. probably won't get out until later than that. i guess i'm just being a debbie downer when it comes this job. i said i'd quit my bitching, but it's only my 3rd day, and i do not want to partake.
- Wednesday, 1/25/12
well, here's to a day off from my new job. still not sure what to think about it, but i guess we'll see with time. but, honestly... i have some errands to run today (so it works out in my favor) so it's good to have this day off.
gloomy days make my smile turn upside down. i wish i could have a day off that's sunny and warm. but this time of year, it's rare we get it. that's one of the things about tennessee that really irks me. winter time here sucks. snow is slush, ice everywhere, windy, cold rain, and the list goes on. all of it REALLY sucks when you have to drive around in it. thank goodness it's not like that today. at least it's warm.
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so, i went out and ran errands. spent so much money. bleg. so, now i've come home, turned on some meditation music and plan on reading a bit. i have a dr's appointment later, but until then... relaxation time.
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about to head out for my doctor's appointment. i'm eager. i just don't like how i've been feeing the past couple weeks. i know i have a lot on my plate, but so do a lot of other people. but i am just trying to figure out why it has effected me like this. what and why, i guess you could say. i'll just explain how i have my moments, then my "not so moments". hopefully i can get stuff figured out.
there for a while, i was on cloud 9. i want to be on cloud 10. that is my goal. and that way i can conquer the world.
gloomy days make my smile turn upside down. i wish i could have a day off that's sunny and warm. but this time of year, it's rare we get it. that's one of the things about tennessee that really irks me. winter time here sucks. snow is slush, ice everywhere, windy, cold rain, and the list goes on. all of it REALLY sucks when you have to drive around in it. thank goodness it's not like that today. at least it's warm.
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so, i went out and ran errands. spent so much money. bleg. so, now i've come home, turned on some meditation music and plan on reading a bit. i have a dr's appointment later, but until then... relaxation time.
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about to head out for my doctor's appointment. i'm eager. i just don't like how i've been feeing the past couple weeks. i know i have a lot on my plate, but so do a lot of other people. but i am just trying to figure out why it has effected me like this. what and why, i guess you could say. i'll just explain how i have my moments, then my "not so moments". hopefully i can get stuff figured out.
there for a while, i was on cloud 9. i want to be on cloud 10. that is my goal. and that way i can conquer the world.
- Tuesday, 1/24/12
well, yesterday at work was interesting. i went in to be trained, but i'm not sure if i really had any particular "training" as much as i did, "go do this, go do that". hah, what a day. hopefully today i can make myself more useful. bc yesterday, i was laughably useless. maybe today will be better? let's hope.
i really need to start (to add on) saving money to go and visit my sweet boyfriend flip. i had the goal of going and seeing home by the end of december. that changed. i was planning on seeing him the end of january. fail. and now i'm going to try first week in march. i think i'll have enough money saved up for that. i just really want to see my sweet boyfriend. long distance makes my heart grow fonder, but it also makes me want to go that distance to see him. fly? or drive? i'm going to do whatever is cheaper.
i really am nervous about going into work today. i don't want it to be like yesterday. i want to be helpful and not like a lost little puppy, running around trying to find the manager to tell me when and what to do. otherwise, i have no idea. hopefully she'll be more helpful today. wow, i really need to stop being a negative nancy. i need to see today as an opportunity to show myself and show what i'm capable of doing. i don't need to expect the worse. i need to keep optimistic about stuff like this. no dwelling. just need to breathe, relax, and be thankful for this day.
on a positive note, no more black polos for this girl for work :) now i have a bright green shirt, a bright pink shirt (YES!), and a darker green shirt. hoooorrrrraaaay for color!
i really need to start (to add on) saving money to go and visit my sweet boyfriend flip. i had the goal of going and seeing home by the end of december. that changed. i was planning on seeing him the end of january. fail. and now i'm going to try first week in march. i think i'll have enough money saved up for that. i just really want to see my sweet boyfriend. long distance makes my heart grow fonder, but it also makes me want to go that distance to see him. fly? or drive? i'm going to do whatever is cheaper.
i really am nervous about going into work today. i don't want it to be like yesterday. i want to be helpful and not like a lost little puppy, running around trying to find the manager to tell me when and what to do. otherwise, i have no idea. hopefully she'll be more helpful today. wow, i really need to stop being a negative nancy. i need to see today as an opportunity to show myself and show what i'm capable of doing. i don't need to expect the worse. i need to keep optimistic about stuff like this. no dwelling. just need to breathe, relax, and be thankful for this day.
on a positive note, no more black polos for this girl for work :) now i have a bright green shirt, a bright pink shirt (YES!), and a darker green shirt. hoooorrrrraaaay for color!
- Monday, 1/23/12
here's to starting a new job today! not sure what to expect, but i hope it's good. i'm going in with a positive attitude and a big smile on my face :) i truly don't know what to expect. sometimes that freaks me out. yes, i like to go with the flow of things... but i'm still nervous. i mean, i'm the "new girl" and i have to meet everyone, plus get my hands on some training. wish me luck :)
i really do need to bring back my full throttle positivity. it's amazing the power of positivity. it helps overcome any troubles (and many other things), but i've just noticed that if i go into a situation with a positive aura around me, then it's bound to rub off onto others. that is my goal today... stay positive and do everything i can and to keep my happiness from within shine through. happiness is everywhere. no need to search it, it's there. just remind yourself.
i really do need to bring back my full throttle positivity. it's amazing the power of positivity. it helps overcome any troubles (and many other things), but i've just noticed that if i go into a situation with a positive aura around me, then it's bound to rub off onto others. that is my goal today... stay positive and do everything i can and to keep my happiness from within shine through. happiness is everywhere. no need to search it, it's there. just remind yourself.
- Sunday, 1/22/12
Starting my new job tomorrow! not really too much info has been given to me on what i'll be doing exactly, but i know tomorrow i'm actually going in for a "training" day. so, wish me luck on all that good stuff.
i woke up this morning just in a really weird mood. i don't want to say its a "bad mood", bc it's not really that, it's more of a "weird" feeling i have. honestly, i'd prefer this to go away. i don't want to blame my anxiety, but something is most def driving me mad. i'm sure it has to do with the whole new job situation. having to learn all the new stuff, meet the new people, prove myself, make sure i send off good energies, and make sure i make a great impression. i mean, they did fire 2 employees, and i ALONE am taking over both positions. maybe this is the manager showing me she expects great things from me. hell, i can handle that shit. i can handle anything, right? indeed.
with today being my last day, i'm not really too sure what i'm planning on doing today. i think i may get out of the house for a bit. i'm in the mood for hot tea, music, and reading. but to save gas, i'll probably head to the starbucks right up the road and do just that. plop down with my tea, my labtop, and my book.
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and so, here i am. starbucks was calling my name. i decided last minute, not to bring a book. starbucks is actually calm and not too noisy (thanks to my ear pods). so, since i did a reshoot of my "I Am" project, i decided i'd sit here for a while and work on those. as soon as i get them all done, i'll post some to my site, and the rest of them on my facebook. so, be looking for that update soon. :)
i woke up this morning just in a really weird mood. i don't want to say its a "bad mood", bc it's not really that, it's more of a "weird" feeling i have. honestly, i'd prefer this to go away. i don't want to blame my anxiety, but something is most def driving me mad. i'm sure it has to do with the whole new job situation. having to learn all the new stuff, meet the new people, prove myself, make sure i send off good energies, and make sure i make a great impression. i mean, they did fire 2 employees, and i ALONE am taking over both positions. maybe this is the manager showing me she expects great things from me. hell, i can handle that shit. i can handle anything, right? indeed.
with today being my last day, i'm not really too sure what i'm planning on doing today. i think i may get out of the house for a bit. i'm in the mood for hot tea, music, and reading. but to save gas, i'll probably head to the starbucks right up the road and do just that. plop down with my tea, my labtop, and my book.
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and so, here i am. starbucks was calling my name. i decided last minute, not to bring a book. starbucks is actually calm and not too noisy (thanks to my ear pods). so, since i did a reshoot of my "I Am" project, i decided i'd sit here for a while and work on those. as soon as i get them all done, i'll post some to my site, and the rest of them on my facebook. so, be looking for that update soon. :)
- Saturday, 1/21/12
didn't think i'd have time to get on here this morning. but turns out i am super fast a loading up my photo equipment. i'm awesome, hah. today i'm doing a wedding photo shoot all day for a childhood friend. yesterday i was in a super creative mood, and today i still have that creative juice for today. i'm really feeling it. i'm spending the whole day and night doing this. capturing all the wonderful moments. this is really the only time i do weddings. i do them for loved ones bc i know they'll appreciate it so much more, and hell... it's also a great wedding gift from me :) doing it for strangers it a whole 'nother story. it's really hard and stressful and you feel like you're afraid you may not capture their "special day" the right way. but with friends, it's such a more laid back situation, therefore letting the photographic flow go nice and smoothly, and hell... fun at that.
yesterday i had super creative day. i painted, photographed a new "I Am" shoot, went to dinner with some friends, then came home and started photoshopping those images like NO other. i was on fire. that's how i'm feeling today. i'm excited to see how the flow goes. and i hope i can find really good photo ops at the church since it's so gloomy out. humph. ooooh, i just remembered i need an extension cord. got it. it's hard to set up my lighting when the power strip is like a mile away, hence, the extension cord. hah, i guess that was just a side note for ya there.
yesterday i had super creative day. i painted, photographed a new "I Am" shoot, went to dinner with some friends, then came home and started photoshopping those images like NO other. i was on fire. that's how i'm feeling today. i'm excited to see how the flow goes. and i hope i can find really good photo ops at the church since it's so gloomy out. humph. ooooh, i just remembered i need an extension cord. got it. it's hard to set up my lighting when the power strip is like a mile away, hence, the extension cord. hah, i guess that was just a side note for ya there.
time to go shoot a wedding mother effers.
- Friday, 1/20/12
yet, another day when it is hard to see the screen. my eyes are swollen again, and kind of burning. the tears haven't started yet (and hopefully they won't.
after showering and cleaning up a bit, my eyes have gone done in swelling. so maybe that's what it needed: hot steam. they do seem to be a little on the sore side and a tid bit swollen, but hopefully as the day goes on the eye drops will start to help out more.
as for today's plans (since i haven't heard anything from my new job) i just plan on just going with the flow of how things unfold. just bc i don't have plans now doesn't mean i won't have any later :) .... i actually just talked to my new boss, and she told me i do HAVE THE JOB. but with paper work problems, i should start next week. which is exciting, and as for tomorrow, i'm shooting a wedding for a life long friend. it'll be nice to see some familiar faces since i've grown up with this girl. it's kind of an honor for her wanting me to do her pictures. and to top it off, she LOVED her bridal portraits i did of her about a month ago. score!
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as the day has gone on, i have gotten into a big creative kick. i'm taking a break from working on a piece i'm sending to flip. it's turning out really good. i started the previous one using markers only, but now with the paint, it looks great, i'm so please. i thought their for a while i was having a creative block. but today is a different story. i'm really in the mood to get my art on. that might be my plans for the day, create. create create create. let's hope this kick of creativeness last for a while, i thoroughly enjoy my down time with art.
after showering and cleaning up a bit, my eyes have gone done in swelling. so maybe that's what it needed: hot steam. they do seem to be a little on the sore side and a tid bit swollen, but hopefully as the day goes on the eye drops will start to help out more.
as for today's plans (since i haven't heard anything from my new job) i just plan on just going with the flow of how things unfold. just bc i don't have plans now doesn't mean i won't have any later :) .... i actually just talked to my new boss, and she told me i do HAVE THE JOB. but with paper work problems, i should start next week. which is exciting, and as for tomorrow, i'm shooting a wedding for a life long friend. it'll be nice to see some familiar faces since i've grown up with this girl. it's kind of an honor for her wanting me to do her pictures. and to top it off, she LOVED her bridal portraits i did of her about a month ago. score!
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as the day has gone on, i have gotten into a big creative kick. i'm taking a break from working on a piece i'm sending to flip. it's turning out really good. i started the previous one using markers only, but now with the paint, it looks great, i'm so please. i thought their for a while i was having a creative block. but today is a different story. i'm really in the mood to get my art on. that might be my plans for the day, create. create create create. let's hope this kick of creativeness last for a while, i thoroughly enjoy my down time with art.
- Thursday, 1/19/12
good morning to all. and by morning... i really mean MORNING. i've been up since 4:30. just couldn't fall back to sleep. i like waking up early. but damn, come on... i'm in between jobs and it'd be nice to get some sleep and rest. but no, i'm awake before the crack of dawn.
not really sure about the plan for today. i guess i'll just see how it unfolds and go with the flow of it all. might as well, hell, i'm taking time off before the new job starts. so i can totally do what i want. it's kinda nice :) i do know i want to play with my new toy camera (see camera project, fun with photos, and art work), the sprocket rocket. i also want to plan with my solar paper. just to see how it works. hopefully it'll be a pretty day to do it. i have a good idea that i want to do, so if it turns out cool, i'll be sure to post it on here :) no doubt.
it's weird to think i've almost been up for 3 1/2 hours. (it's 7:04 now) how redankulous. oh, so indeed. i know i said this earlier, but i really don't know what i'm going to today. i checked the weather and it said it's be partly cloudy and 51 degrees. sounds like a pretty nice day ahead. i may have to get and about. maybe visit a friend? maybe venture to cafe coco? who knows. i'll (like i already said) go with the flow today.
i swear i'm on my 4th cup of black tea. i'm slowly waking up, hah. now, let's just see how long i make it today. i may be wound for sound now, but not sure how the afternoon or evening are going to feel. hah, i'll probably take a nap at 9 am. hah, sounds good to me.
i have a book that i'd like to share some of. it's about the essential tip on daily mediation. i'm thinking i might start more of these, because it has wonderful tips on mediations, so... here's an exerpt from book.
not really sure about the plan for today. i guess i'll just see how it unfolds and go with the flow of it all. might as well, hell, i'm taking time off before the new job starts. so i can totally do what i want. it's kinda nice :) i do know i want to play with my new toy camera (see camera project, fun with photos, and art work), the sprocket rocket. i also want to plan with my solar paper. just to see how it works. hopefully it'll be a pretty day to do it. i have a good idea that i want to do, so if it turns out cool, i'll be sure to post it on here :) no doubt.
it's weird to think i've almost been up for 3 1/2 hours. (it's 7:04 now) how redankulous. oh, so indeed. i know i said this earlier, but i really don't know what i'm going to today. i checked the weather and it said it's be partly cloudy and 51 degrees. sounds like a pretty nice day ahead. i may have to get and about. maybe visit a friend? maybe venture to cafe coco? who knows. i'll (like i already said) go with the flow today.
i swear i'm on my 4th cup of black tea. i'm slowly waking up, hah. now, let's just see how long i make it today. i may be wound for sound now, but not sure how the afternoon or evening are going to feel. hah, i'll probably take a nap at 9 am. hah, sounds good to me.
i have a book that i'd like to share some of. it's about the essential tip on daily mediation. i'm thinking i might start more of these, because it has wonderful tips on mediations, so... here's an exerpt from book.
Meditation Tip.
"Going into meditation - this brings physiological mental changes. it means moving from one state of mind and body to another as if you are crossing a symbolic threshold. choose a pose (sitting/laying down)when you are calm and relaxed, sitting comfortably, with you breathing deep and rhythmic, imagine youself passing over a threshold. beyond it, bring the subject to your medtation to mind. see ife you find the image helpful.
visualize the door-way as you prepare with relaxation and correct posture and beathing
visualize the door-way as you prepare with relaxation and correct posture and beathing
- Wednesday, 1/18/12
good day to all :) up early again today (go figure)... and i wake up to swollen eyes. NOT AGAIN, PLEASE. i swear if i get that nasty swollen eye shit again, i will not be a happy camper. that will mean, swollen eyes (almost to the point of them being sealed shut), burn eyeballs, and tears that are unending. let's hope this won't be the path i'm leading toward. please oh, please.
still waiting to hear when i start my new job. i know they had to get my paperwork sent out, so it could take a couple of days... but i told the lady to give me AT LEAST a day notice. i really want to start, even though i'm getting severance pay from my retail job. they decided to give me that pay "bc they had to let the employees go on such short notice". damn right, you're going to pay this girl! heh.
since i do have the day off, i'm thinking i'm going to work on my music collection and add more to my computer for entertainment and sanity purposes. i HAVE to have my music. also, i plan on working on some paintings perhaps that i've started. my add won't let me sit and complete one piece at one time. i have to have several going on at once so i can keep busy and have time to choose what i want from each painting. i'm working on my historical buddha series and a new painting for flip. i tried to do it with markers, and it just made me pissed off bc it wasn't what i envisioned at all. boo, i hate when that happens. at least it was before i wasted any more time with the marker work. so, i think i'll use acrylic and mix up the media i'm using and PERHAPS work with a mix of markers and paint. we'll se how this goes :) i feel creatively uplifted today, and want to use that to my best ability bc i know with work starting soon, i'll have less time to play with my art. and that is no beuno.
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as the morning has gone on, my eyes are gotten progressively worse. i can't stand not being able to see or function, so i'm going back to the doctor after my last cup of tea. hope they can help me out again. last time they gave me anti biotic eye drops, and they did help, but honestly i got a free prescription eye drop coupon from a pharm rep, and i really hope i get another one of those bc the eye drops are like $92. that's just ridiculous. i'll keep everyone posted.
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now on to a wonderful evening. i get to see a dear friend. have the house to myself. have a creative itch. sounds like tonight is going to be a wonderful evening. woot for having free time.
still waiting to hear when i start my new job. i know they had to get my paperwork sent out, so it could take a couple of days... but i told the lady to give me AT LEAST a day notice. i really want to start, even though i'm getting severance pay from my retail job. they decided to give me that pay "bc they had to let the employees go on such short notice". damn right, you're going to pay this girl! heh.
since i do have the day off, i'm thinking i'm going to work on my music collection and add more to my computer for entertainment and sanity purposes. i HAVE to have my music. also, i plan on working on some paintings perhaps that i've started. my add won't let me sit and complete one piece at one time. i have to have several going on at once so i can keep busy and have time to choose what i want from each painting. i'm working on my historical buddha series and a new painting for flip. i tried to do it with markers, and it just made me pissed off bc it wasn't what i envisioned at all. boo, i hate when that happens. at least it was before i wasted any more time with the marker work. so, i think i'll use acrylic and mix up the media i'm using and PERHAPS work with a mix of markers and paint. we'll se how this goes :) i feel creatively uplifted today, and want to use that to my best ability bc i know with work starting soon, i'll have less time to play with my art. and that is no beuno.
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as the morning has gone on, my eyes are gotten progressively worse. i can't stand not being able to see or function, so i'm going back to the doctor after my last cup of tea. hope they can help me out again. last time they gave me anti biotic eye drops, and they did help, but honestly i got a free prescription eye drop coupon from a pharm rep, and i really hope i get another one of those bc the eye drops are like $92. that's just ridiculous. i'll keep everyone posted.
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now on to a wonderful evening. i get to see a dear friend. have the house to myself. have a creative itch. sounds like tonight is going to be a wonderful evening. woot for having free time.
- Tuesday, 12/17/12
today has been quite a relaxing day. i decided to make it a "jammie" day. so, i've been sporting night clothes all day long. it just seemed like i need a veg day. actually, i really needed it. i'm trying to enjoy my time between work that i've actually over worked myself just trying to stay active.
last night i went to my old local hang out spot. it had been over 7 months since i had been around those parts. it's a little whole in the wall bar, but on mondays they have "open jam night" which is always amazing. it's neat bc all the musicians that come in take turns playing different instruments and letting whoever wants to join come on stage and take someone's place. it keeps the vibe good. always good music. and i actually ran into some old buddies of mine there. they all said they had "missed me", which made me feel loved. but honestly, i just can't keep going back every monday night like i used to. don't want to say i'm too old and out of the loop... but it's just something i can't do on a weekly basis. no doubt.
as for the rest of the day, i'm going to continue to veg out, probably read some or watch tv. i'm just going to be lazy bones today. don't judge, we're all allowed to have out days like this.
last night i went to my old local hang out spot. it had been over 7 months since i had been around those parts. it's a little whole in the wall bar, but on mondays they have "open jam night" which is always amazing. it's neat bc all the musicians that come in take turns playing different instruments and letting whoever wants to join come on stage and take someone's place. it keeps the vibe good. always good music. and i actually ran into some old buddies of mine there. they all said they had "missed me", which made me feel loved. but honestly, i just can't keep going back every monday night like i used to. don't want to say i'm too old and out of the loop... but it's just something i can't do on a weekly basis. no doubt.
as for the rest of the day, i'm going to continue to veg out, probably read some or watch tv. i'm just going to be lazy bones today. don't judge, we're all allowed to have out days like this.
Quotes of the day."The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions."
"The counterfeit and counterpart of Nature is reproduced in art." "Nature's music is never over; her silences are pauses, not conclusions." |
Check it out, yo.my interview about me, my photography, and my style. check it :)
http://www.savetheartist.net/i-am-claire-burton/ |
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i can't believe it is only around 6:30, and i feel like it's midnight. i'm soooo sleepy. looks like tonight i will be reading and heading to bed early. no late night for this girl. i really need the rest though, if i'm tired... i'm not going to fight it. i shall embrace it, hah. well, until i decide to go to bed i guess i'll be drinking hot tea and reading one of my books i'm reading at the moment. my add is so bad, i have to read several books at once just so i don't get bored. i'm a weirdo.
i can't believe it is only around 6:30, and i feel like it's midnight. i'm soooo sleepy. looks like tonight i will be reading and heading to bed early. no late night for this girl. i really need the rest though, if i'm tired... i'm not going to fight it. i shall embrace it, hah. well, until i decide to go to bed i guess i'll be drinking hot tea and reading one of my books i'm reading at the moment. my add is so bad, i have to read several books at once just so i don't get bored. i'm a weirdo.
- Monday, 12/16/12
oh monday, how you are here so soon. hopefully starting my new job tomorrow (or maybe the next day), but we'll see once all my paper work is done and approved. then i can start. and let the money come a flowin'.
last night i had to get out of the house, i wanted to get some tea and read some, but i didn't feel like driving far. so, i went to the local starbucks right down the road. as i sat reading (with a crowd in there made it WAY too loud to hardly focus, i came across an excerpt from one of my books i'm reading. it's about how one should go about happiness. it reads:
last night i had to get out of the house, i wanted to get some tea and read some, but i didn't feel like driving far. so, i went to the local starbucks right down the road. as i sat reading (with a crowd in there made it WAY too loud to hardly focus, i came across an excerpt from one of my books i'm reading. it's about how one should go about happiness. it reads:
"start living this very moment and you will see that the more you live, the fewer problems there are. because now that your emptiness is flowering and living, there is no need. When you don't live, the same energy goes sour. the same energy that would have become a flower is stuck. and not being allowed to bloom, it becomes a thorn in the heart. it is the same energy."
this is really a passage that stood out to me. i really need to KEEP reminding myself that i'm already full of happiness, it's there all the time, but i just have to let go of things to find it. i promise, the happiness is there all the time, it's just a matter of finding it in yourself to find it surrounding you. i HAVE to keep reminding myself. live in the now. not the past. not the future. the NOW. we tend to dwell on what has happened or what is to come, that we tend to make the present miserable. who wants that? live in the now, forget and stop dwelling. that's my goal for today. one step at a time.
ps. this is random, but i've been having the BEST stretches lately. they seem to really be helping my back and neck pain. who would have thought?
ps. this is random, but i've been having the BEST stretches lately. they seem to really be helping my back and neck pain. who would have thought?
- Sunday, 11/15/12
i have to admit, i'm quite sleepy. i had a fun uneventful night with a friend last night. we went to cafe coco (she's lived in nashville for a year and a 1/2 and hasn't seen anything outside of downtown franklin). so, i'm taking her under my wing and promised i'd show her the best and neatest places, venues, restaurants, scenes, etc. in this wonderful city we have. she loved cafe coco, it had a great vibe last night, but it was a small crowd, and we got there too early for the live music. but i told her next time we will plan better and she can get a really good cafe coco experience. i think she might even bring her sisters out with us (who also are deprived of getting the opportunity to get out of downtown franklin). i guess it is hard to go out and explore when you don't have cars to transport you.
none the less, she came over after and we had a little slumber party. it was nice for her to get out of her norm and just have a chill night. i'm glad i was able to be her "outlet" of fun for the evening. it truly was my pleasure.
but, with that said, for some reason i'm SO tired. i wanna say it's me knowing and understanding the fact that my job is no more at my retail store. after 2 days of heavy duty packing, i'm just ready for a break. i think i'm going to stay in my pajamas all day. i know my new retail job will be starting soon. so i think today is a good day for total relaxation. agreed? indeed.
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well, as it turns out, i've changed my mind. i was going to have a jammie day, but i just feel weird not getting ready and feeling pretty all done up with my flare. not to mention, my hair is in desperate need of a washing, hah. sometimes a girl just has to get that feeling of "feeling pretty", and i'm in need of such a thing today. my acne is horrible at the moment, and i ate way to much yesterday, so today i'm going to make up for feeling "gross" and go down the more "pretty route". guys, you may not understand, but i'm sure the girls do.
none the less, she came over after and we had a little slumber party. it was nice for her to get out of her norm and just have a chill night. i'm glad i was able to be her "outlet" of fun for the evening. it truly was my pleasure.
but, with that said, for some reason i'm SO tired. i wanna say it's me knowing and understanding the fact that my job is no more at my retail store. after 2 days of heavy duty packing, i'm just ready for a break. i think i'm going to stay in my pajamas all day. i know my new retail job will be starting soon. so i think today is a good day for total relaxation. agreed? indeed.
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well, as it turns out, i've changed my mind. i was going to have a jammie day, but i just feel weird not getting ready and feeling pretty all done up with my flare. not to mention, my hair is in desperate need of a washing, hah. sometimes a girl just has to get that feeling of "feeling pretty", and i'm in need of such a thing today. my acne is horrible at the moment, and i ate way to much yesterday, so today i'm going to make up for feeling "gross" and go down the more "pretty route". guys, you may not understand, but i'm sure the girls do.
- Saturday, 11/14/12
what a wonderful saturday. today is another packing day at work, and i thought of a wonderful idea. i'm taking my computer and speakers into work so that way i can get some of my own music playing at the store while we pack. yesterday we listened to the typical "brookstone music" while we were packing, but today i'm bringing my own music. they will be forced to enjoy my iTunes on shuffle, hah. it'll be a lot better
it's amazing how much of my life revolves around music. just be simply bring my music to work with me makes me excited to go and will help keep me motivated for work. music really does make my world go 'round. i'm sure that's the case for a huge majority of people, no matter what genre they enjoy, at least they live and breathe bc of some type of music that reaches their soul. that is a good thing. music is a joy and a blessing to enjoy and be apart of. and that's what i plan on doing at work today. hopefully my co-workers won't get annoyed with my heady jam band selections. i have others, but knowing how my shuffle works on iTunes, it'll hit most of the jam sessions. it's going to be amazing.
it's amazing how much of my life revolves around music. just be simply bring my music to work with me makes me excited to go and will help keep me motivated for work. music really does make my world go 'round. i'm sure that's the case for a huge majority of people, no matter what genre they enjoy, at least they live and breathe bc of some type of music that reaches their soul. that is a good thing. music is a joy and a blessing to enjoy and be apart of. and that's what i plan on doing at work today. hopefully my co-workers won't get annoyed with my heady jam band selections. i have others, but knowing how my shuffle works on iTunes, it'll hit most of the jam sessions. it's going to be amazing.
last night before bed, i was reading my book on finding inner happiness, and came across a paragraph that really stood out to me, and i thought i'd share.
"if you dance, the whole of existence becomes a dance. it is already a dance. hindus said it is a ras-leela -- God is dancing, and around god the stars and the moon and the sun and the earths are dancing around god."
i LOVE this outlook on our existence. what a great way to look at it, as well as a great way to see God. he is the center, and we are solely dancing with the stars and the moons around God, dancing our existence away. i love it. oh, and btw... of course this is a quote by Osho (my favorite spiritual guru).
- Friday, 11/13/12
slept in a bit, so not much time to update. i had to get some extra sleep in order to gather energy for today at work. today is the day we start packing up stock from my retail store since it's closing down. bummer. and of course, i woke up and my back is KILLING me. looks like a day of packing and lifting is going to be a real challenge, so we'll see how this goes. i'll end my post here, and update later. i'm sure i'll have a ton to say after a friday like today.
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after a hard working day at work, time really has flown by. we got SO much done today. quite impressive if i do say so myself. i'm not sore, double bonus. but now i'm at home, pampering myself with a nice facial and nail session. they are much overdue. it's a good way for me to tell myself "you deserve this". try it sometime.
though a busy day with work, i'm pleased to say i'm not exhausted after work like i have been lately. i hate being useless after work. i want to come home and be productive and motivating. not come home, sit, then go to bed. what kind of existence would that be? it's just going through the motions. going through motions that lead one to drown in them. that's not the way i want to live. i want to wake and go to sleep everyday knowing i did all i could possibly do. i'm tired of wasting time. i need to keep reminding myself, "don't dwell, move on". i need to stop wasting time with thoughts, situations, etc that bring me to drown in going through the boring motions. i just want to thrive.
want to see something funny? i have this facial mask on, and it seriously looks straight up like poop. so, here's my poop stained face. embarrassing? yes. worth posting? most def.
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after a hard working day at work, time really has flown by. we got SO much done today. quite impressive if i do say so myself. i'm not sore, double bonus. but now i'm at home, pampering myself with a nice facial and nail session. they are much overdue. it's a good way for me to tell myself "you deserve this". try it sometime.
though a busy day with work, i'm pleased to say i'm not exhausted after work like i have been lately. i hate being useless after work. i want to come home and be productive and motivating. not come home, sit, then go to bed. what kind of existence would that be? it's just going through the motions. going through motions that lead one to drown in them. that's not the way i want to live. i want to wake and go to sleep everyday knowing i did all i could possibly do. i'm tired of wasting time. i need to keep reminding myself, "don't dwell, move on". i need to stop wasting time with thoughts, situations, etc that bring me to drown in going through the boring motions. i just want to thrive.
want to see something funny? i have this facial mask on, and it seriously looks straight up like poop. so, here's my poop stained face. embarrassing? yes. worth posting? most def.
- Thursday, 11/12/12
i woke up this morning amongst a feeling of goodness. i'm not sure why. but i woke up and i just felt really good. not that its just an experience i am having, but more like the energy the day is emitting. yes, it's gross, cold, and perhaps slushy-ish later... but i still just have a good feeling about today. and it makes me happy that i have the day off. i love waking up feeling so uplifted and being able to do ME all day long. no work, no obligations, i can just go with the flow of things. i love the flow. the flow is what takes us on our delightful path of life. go with the flow to devour life, or go against the flow, and have life devour you. and i'm sure as hell not going to let that be my case. i'm going with the flow of life and flowing with the bending on the trees.
this morning i've been listening to live sets of the grateful dead, and i have to admit... that band really does warm up my heart and spirit. their story, the stories the tell, and the stories they create through us really makes me sigh a sigh of happiness. i adore them. if you haven't ever checked them out. give it a go on pandora, and ease in to their awesome music and artists that go along with their particular style. if i could ask anything of everyone today, it'd be to listen to at least ONE dead song. it may just bring a smile across your face. and hell, that's a great thing. and if it's a jam song you enjoy, double cookies for you.
this morning i've been listening to live sets of the grateful dead, and i have to admit... that band really does warm up my heart and spirit. their story, the stories the tell, and the stories they create through us really makes me sigh a sigh of happiness. i adore them. if you haven't ever checked them out. give it a go on pandora, and ease in to their awesome music and artists that go along with their particular style. if i could ask anything of everyone today, it'd be to listen to at least ONE dead song. it may just bring a smile across your face. and hell, that's a great thing. and if it's a jam song you enjoy, double cookies for you.
- Wednesday, 1/11/12
i guess i really don't need an alarm clock. i set it for 6:45 am, and my ass decides to wake up at 5:00 am, and won't let me go back to sleep. i truly do love enjoying my entire day, but damn.... waking up this early? oh well.... i guess it'll give me more time to get ready and not feel rushed going into work today. that's the best feeling in the world, sometimes, not being rushed. being able to take your sweet time at your own pace in order to accomplish something. and in my case, it's getting up and ready to go to work.
today is the 2nd to last day my retail store is open. i'll be staying with them until the 14th, then off to a new job. i'm so thankful i wasn't left high and dry without a job just bc the mall is kicking my store out. a lot of co-workers are still on the job search, but i'm so relieved i got one in the bag.
i will be honest, i will miss my job. no matter what bull shit came with it... it was a great place to work and had some great people that passed through while i was there. the mall employees really do have a unique relationship, and it's funny to think, but i'm going to miss the nosey people from the kiosks across from our store.
today is the 2nd to last day my retail store is open. i'll be staying with them until the 14th, then off to a new job. i'm so thankful i wasn't left high and dry without a job just bc the mall is kicking my store out. a lot of co-workers are still on the job search, but i'm so relieved i got one in the bag.
i will be honest, i will miss my job. no matter what bull shit came with it... it was a great place to work and had some great people that passed through while i was there. the mall employees really do have a unique relationship, and it's funny to think, but i'm going to miss the nosey people from the kiosks across from our store.
Positivity + a warm loving heart = a beautiful day.
- Tuesday, 1/9/12
hello to all. so excited to enjoy my day off. today, i plan on going to cafe coco again for coffee and some freetime. i really want to have an independent day for myself today. sometimes i enjoy having days like this. getting out and about, but doing it solo. as for today, i just set up a little coffee date with a photography friend of mine. she's going an article of some sorts on her blog/website, and asked me to submit some of my "I AM" project pictures, and she wants to interview me so there can be some text with my photographs. i'm quite excited and flattered. she even said she'd leave my link to my site so i can (hopefully) get more viewers. so, i'm truly excited for our little coffee conference, and hell, just to see an old buddy is quite nice.
- - - - - - - - - -
now as the day has gone on, i feel i completed little, but gained a lot at the same time. i did rather lazy things today, but that is ok with this girl. i did get to go to cafe coco and meet with a photography friend who is going to put a little section on her website about my photography and my "I AM" project. she interviewed me, and is going to make commentary explaining who i am as an artist, photographer, and person. i think it's going to be awesome. now i just have to choose which ones i want to put in the article. she said i could have 2-3 main ones, but then a bunch of thumbnail shots that can be enlarged to show more of my work. woot. and she said she'd even hook me up by putting my website on there. i feel her doing that will help show people who i am as an artist, and how i am as a person. that's kinda what the site is all about.
i know i go on my random tangents on how i love myself and i think i'm awesome and all, but honestly that's why i created this site. to show me. to show me and all my glory. i'm proud of who i am. i'm proud that i love myself. i'm proud that i have no shame in admitting that. i know i'm awesome, hah. but nonetheless, i feel having more people visit my site will really show the world who i am, what i stand for, and what i love about myself and life. gotta love life. if you don't... then what's the point?
anyway, that is my late night tangent on myself, my photography, and my fun little excerpt on my sweet friend's website. i'm honored she asked. so, here goes to starting the task of editing which pictures i want to feature. any thoughts or ideas? let me know. via message on here, or via fb if you really like one. i'd love input.
now as the day has gone on, i feel i completed little, but gained a lot at the same time. i did rather lazy things today, but that is ok with this girl. i did get to go to cafe coco and meet with a photography friend who is going to put a little section on her website about my photography and my "I AM" project. she interviewed me, and is going to make commentary explaining who i am as an artist, photographer, and person. i think it's going to be awesome. now i just have to choose which ones i want to put in the article. she said i could have 2-3 main ones, but then a bunch of thumbnail shots that can be enlarged to show more of my work. woot. and she said she'd even hook me up by putting my website on there. i feel her doing that will help show people who i am as an artist, and how i am as a person. that's kinda what the site is all about.
i know i go on my random tangents on how i love myself and i think i'm awesome and all, but honestly that's why i created this site. to show me. to show me and all my glory. i'm proud of who i am. i'm proud that i love myself. i'm proud that i have no shame in admitting that. i know i'm awesome, hah. but nonetheless, i feel having more people visit my site will really show the world who i am, what i stand for, and what i love about myself and life. gotta love life. if you don't... then what's the point?
anyway, that is my late night tangent on myself, my photography, and my fun little excerpt on my sweet friend's website. i'm honored she asked. so, here goes to starting the task of editing which pictures i want to feature. any thoughts or ideas? let me know. via message on here, or via fb if you really like one. i'd love input.
- Monday, 1/8/11
Mumford and Sons, "Winter WInds" Lyrics
As the winter winds litter London with lonely hearts
Oh the warmth in your eyes swept me into your arms
Was it love or fear of the cold that led us through the night?
For every kiss your beauty trumped my doubt
And my head told my heart
"Let love grow"
But my heart told my head
"This time no
This time no"
We'll be washed and buried one day my girl
And the time we were given will be left for the world
The flesh that lived and loved will be eaten by plague
So let the memories be good for those who stay
And my head told my heart
"Let love grow"
But my heart told my head
"This time no"
Yes, my heart told my head
"This time no
This time no"
Oh the shame that sent me off from the God that I once loved
Was the same that sent me into your arms
Oh and pestilence is won when you are lost and I am gone
And no hope, no hope will overcome
And if your strife strikes at your sleep
Remember spring swaps snow for leaves
You'll be happy and wholesome again
When the city clears and sun ascends
And my head told my heart
"Let love grow"
But my heart told my head
"This time no"
And my head told my heart
"Let love grow"
But my heart told my head
"This time no
This time no"
As the winter winds litter London with lonely hearts
Oh the warmth in your eyes swept me into your arms
Was it love or fear of the cold that led us through the night?
For every kiss your beauty trumped my doubt
And my head told my heart
"Let love grow"
But my heart told my head
"This time no
This time no"
We'll be washed and buried one day my girl
And the time we were given will be left for the world
The flesh that lived and loved will be eaten by plague
So let the memories be good for those who stay
And my head told my heart
"Let love grow"
But my heart told my head
"This time no"
Yes, my heart told my head
"This time no
This time no"
Oh the shame that sent me off from the God that I once loved
Was the same that sent me into your arms
Oh and pestilence is won when you are lost and I am gone
And no hope, no hope will overcome
And if your strife strikes at your sleep
Remember spring swaps snow for leaves
You'll be happy and wholesome again
When the city clears and sun ascends
And my head told my heart
"Let love grow"
But my heart told my head
"This time no"
And my head told my heart
"Let love grow"
But my heart told my head
"This time no
This time no"
i woke up this morning with this song in my head. the music video was playing in my head too. so, of course, i had to go to my itunes and listen to it like 3 times. it really is one of my mumford and sons favorites. it's just weird to wake up with a song in my head. that hasn't happened in YEARS.
i am feeling a bit better today (as in emotions). it sucks that i've been in a rut the past few days. i think it's bc i'm not sure what life has in store for me once i'm done working at my job. i do have a replacement job (yay), but i guess the uncertainty of not knowing how things are going to work out are really crushing my nerves. i hate that feeling. i don't mind going with the flow at all. so, i guess i should put all stresses aside and go with the flow. that's exactly what i'll do. set them aside and go with the ride of the tide.
as my fb status indicates, all i want is a smile on my face today. i don't really know what has been hindering this, but i feel i've been lacking my inner sunshine. i need to radiate that shine again. i want that permanent smile back on my face and in my soul. i want my inner happiness to come and radiate out to where others can feel it. you know when something is holding you down, and you know it's there, but all you want to do it break free from it? that's how i am right now. i just want to live for today and be ready to enjoy tomorrow. i need to quit dreading my days. i need to keep thinking of how beautiful it is and how lucky i am to be a part of each and every single day. i guess in a way, this post is a reminder to myself that i can make this happen. i don't need to try to make it happen. it just needs to be. and i'm ready for it to just be. i'm ready for it.
it's hard for me to mentally go into work today (as it is for every employee at my store). we were supposed to have our last day of business yesterday. but now, corporate has moved it until this thursday. which is quite annoying to me. i thought we were going to be packing up this whole move in preparation to bring the business to it's sad and inevitable close. so, i know this week, at least for a handful (or maybe all) of the employees and have mentally checked out when it comes to work. what do we have to prove? the mall is kicking us out. so what's the point of making sales? brookstone is leaving us all out of jobs (except for me, thank goodness i had a backup). so, there's really no motivation for us. how lame. we're just going to have slow days with little business. so, the days are just going to DRAG on. blah. how uneventful. (but this is why i need to radiate happiness and positive energy. it'll help keep people's spirits up and hopefully give us some sort of entertainment. maybe?
- - - - - - - - -
turns out, i don't have to work today or tomorrow :)
i am feeling a bit better today (as in emotions). it sucks that i've been in a rut the past few days. i think it's bc i'm not sure what life has in store for me once i'm done working at my job. i do have a replacement job (yay), but i guess the uncertainty of not knowing how things are going to work out are really crushing my nerves. i hate that feeling. i don't mind going with the flow at all. so, i guess i should put all stresses aside and go with the flow. that's exactly what i'll do. set them aside and go with the ride of the tide.
as my fb status indicates, all i want is a smile on my face today. i don't really know what has been hindering this, but i feel i've been lacking my inner sunshine. i need to radiate that shine again. i want that permanent smile back on my face and in my soul. i want my inner happiness to come and radiate out to where others can feel it. you know when something is holding you down, and you know it's there, but all you want to do it break free from it? that's how i am right now. i just want to live for today and be ready to enjoy tomorrow. i need to quit dreading my days. i need to keep thinking of how beautiful it is and how lucky i am to be a part of each and every single day. i guess in a way, this post is a reminder to myself that i can make this happen. i don't need to try to make it happen. it just needs to be. and i'm ready for it to just be. i'm ready for it.
it's hard for me to mentally go into work today (as it is for every employee at my store). we were supposed to have our last day of business yesterday. but now, corporate has moved it until this thursday. which is quite annoying to me. i thought we were going to be packing up this whole move in preparation to bring the business to it's sad and inevitable close. so, i know this week, at least for a handful (or maybe all) of the employees and have mentally checked out when it comes to work. what do we have to prove? the mall is kicking us out. so what's the point of making sales? brookstone is leaving us all out of jobs (except for me, thank goodness i had a backup). so, there's really no motivation for us. how lame. we're just going to have slow days with little business. so, the days are just going to DRAG on. blah. how uneventful. (but this is why i need to radiate happiness and positive energy. it'll help keep people's spirits up and hopefully give us some sort of entertainment. maybe?
- - - - - - - - -
turns out, i don't have to work today or tomorrow :)
- Sunday, 1/8/12
to say the least, went out last night. stayed up waaay too late. and then woke up super early today to go to work and open the store. i'm truly exhausted. i just can't stay awake. and tonight i'm def going to take it bc i haven't the past few nights... and i can tell a big difference in how i'm feeling. so, tonight - no more skipping that med. i can really tell when i don't have it in my system.
i didn't really update this morning bc i got up, tried to sleep more, couldn't. kinda was in a rush. and writing on my site was kind of on the last of my list of things to do. i was more focused on remembering to brush my teeth and put deodorant on. hah.
so, here tonight, i sit. being a lazy bones kind of girl. i'm for sure going to be early tonight. even if i don't have work until 11:30 tomorrow. i'm just blegh right now. wtf. tomorrow my update should be a lot more on a "lighter note", hah. let's hope so. i'm sure a good night's sleep will shake the bad mood blues away.
i didn't really update this morning bc i got up, tried to sleep more, couldn't. kinda was in a rush. and writing on my site was kind of on the last of my list of things to do. i was more focused on remembering to brush my teeth and put deodorant on. hah.
so, here tonight, i sit. being a lazy bones kind of girl. i'm for sure going to be early tonight. even if i don't have work until 11:30 tomorrow. i'm just blegh right now. wtf. tomorrow my update should be a lot more on a "lighter note", hah. let's hope so. i'm sure a good night's sleep will shake the bad mood blues away.
- Saturday, 1/7/12
good saturday to all. back to work for me today, but i truly did enjoy my time off yesterday. got photoshop stuff done and edited and even went to eat sushi and have sake with some good friends. it was a sunny and beautiful day at that... what a wonderous day off :)
there's only 2 more "actual work days" left at work. we close down the store tomorrow. and then monday through saturday we're going to be packing all the stuff up to move it on out. it's kinda sad. i really liked that place.
so, since this week is my last week with some co-workers. a lot of us are going out tonight for a mall buddy's bday. going to tarboosh to indulge on some delicious hooka and hot tea. i love that place. i'm excited to spend time with my work buddies. and to go out on a saturday night is a good thing since sunday, the mall opens late and closes early, so tonight is the night to go out. i'm really looking forward to it. it'll be nice to get out and hang with familiar and not so familiar faces. score :)
on a side note. recently i invested in a electronic cigarette... and honestly, it's a wonderful invention... and i truly love it. but i'm so SICK and TIRED of this damn thing having so many technical difficulties. first one's battery didn't work. other problems happened in the process of getting a second battery. and now the battery is working, but isn't working with certain flavored filters i bought. i'm going into work early to hit up their kiosk and figure out what's wrong with my cig. i want it to work, and i don't want to be afraid its going to die on me again. i DO NOT want to buy another cigarette. please please please find the solution today, ms. dolly (the name for my electronic cig).
there's only 2 more "actual work days" left at work. we close down the store tomorrow. and then monday through saturday we're going to be packing all the stuff up to move it on out. it's kinda sad. i really liked that place.
so, since this week is my last week with some co-workers. a lot of us are going out tonight for a mall buddy's bday. going to tarboosh to indulge on some delicious hooka and hot tea. i love that place. i'm excited to spend time with my work buddies. and to go out on a saturday night is a good thing since sunday, the mall opens late and closes early, so tonight is the night to go out. i'm really looking forward to it. it'll be nice to get out and hang with familiar and not so familiar faces. score :)
on a side note. recently i invested in a electronic cigarette... and honestly, it's a wonderful invention... and i truly love it. but i'm so SICK and TIRED of this damn thing having so many technical difficulties. first one's battery didn't work. other problems happened in the process of getting a second battery. and now the battery is working, but isn't working with certain flavored filters i bought. i'm going into work early to hit up their kiosk and figure out what's wrong with my cig. i want it to work, and i don't want to be afraid its going to die on me again. i DO NOT want to buy another cigarette. please please please find the solution today, ms. dolly (the name for my electronic cig).
- Friday, 1/6/12
for some off reason, i woke up feeling horribly anxious. this hasn't happened in a while, especially since i have the day off. i got to find a way to calm myself down. currently my remedies are: hot tea, string cheese incident, and my dolly (the name of my electronic cigarette). i'm sure as the morning goes on and i get ready, my feelings will turn up. i mean, hell... i have the whole day off. unexpectedly too... i found out i didn't have to work today just right before i left the store last night. that was super bonus for me.
really the ONLY thing that needs to get done today is me taking some paperwork over to my new job to turn in so i will have my job set in stone when my retail store goes under. last business day is this sunday, then next week, we're packing up the store in boxes, then BAM. new job. pretty awesome. thanks to my sweet co-worker of a friend who also works there and totes gave me the hook-up. thanks man :)
- - - - - - - - - -
as the morning has gone on, i've really started feeling better. i was nervous that i was going to have a bad day on my day off just bc anxiety was getting the best of me. but, i truly do feel better. and with that said, i've decided to go on a little shopping spree with my gift cards i got for christmas. i'm in need of some retail therapy (hah). i've never said that before, but today it might really be therapy for me. get my out of the house and help me go buy more awesome stuff. god, i'm vain.
really the ONLY thing that needs to get done today is me taking some paperwork over to my new job to turn in so i will have my job set in stone when my retail store goes under. last business day is this sunday, then next week, we're packing up the store in boxes, then BAM. new job. pretty awesome. thanks to my sweet co-worker of a friend who also works there and totes gave me the hook-up. thanks man :)
- - - - - - - - - -
as the morning has gone on, i've really started feeling better. i was nervous that i was going to have a bad day on my day off just bc anxiety was getting the best of me. but, i truly do feel better. and with that said, i've decided to go on a little shopping spree with my gift cards i got for christmas. i'm in need of some retail therapy (hah). i've never said that before, but today it might really be therapy for me. get my out of the house and help me go buy more awesome stuff. god, i'm vain.
- Thursday, 1/5/12
well, what do i have in store for me today? first off... going to a job interview (set up for me by a buddy), then heading into work. i'm not too sure if i should go on and say this, but my retail store is closing down. :( after all the hard work i've put in over there, the promotion i got, the promise of another promotion i would get... all of it is going down the drain. the mall is kicking the store out (as well as many others)... so, i just have to swallow it up, and be ready for my interview this morning before i head into my retail job. let's keep our fingers crossed. i need the extra money, NO DOUBT, so having income coming in at a constant rate will be very beneficial.
i hate that so much is based on money. it doesn't bring happiness, it doesn't bring relief, it just seems to complicate things when they aren't going right. heaven forbid you don't get a bill paid in time. its not the end of the world, but to the world, it is. that's not fair. we are all human beings who deserve happiness, and money is not what makes that happen. it's the people, their being, their existence that truly brings on true happiness. money is a catch 22.
speaking of money, yesterday, i invested in an electronic cigarette. may have been a big purchase, but over the long run, i will save so much money and health issues will be of no worry.
hooray for new electronic cigarettes!
i hate that so much is based on money. it doesn't bring happiness, it doesn't bring relief, it just seems to complicate things when they aren't going right. heaven forbid you don't get a bill paid in time. its not the end of the world, but to the world, it is. that's not fair. we are all human beings who deserve happiness, and money is not what makes that happen. it's the people, their being, their existence that truly brings on true happiness. money is a catch 22.
speaking of money, yesterday, i invested in an electronic cigarette. may have been a big purchase, but over the long run, i will save so much money and health issues will be of no worry.
hooray for new electronic cigarettes!
- Wednesday, 1/4/12
today is a new day. spent a long day and night at work yesterday, but today i feel renewed. i slept amazing, and i'm excited to get back into work. unfortunately, there is a down side, but i'm not going to talk about it in this post. but i'll keep you all updated.
but anyway, beautiful day. full of promises and happiness. that's all i can ask for. i've really been missing my love, so i've been a little "whoa is me" lately, but i know soon i will be able to visit my flip and enjoy our wonderfulness together. long distance relationships are difficult, but if you can make it work and still have that certain amazing chemistry, then that's a wonderful sign. it shows love, loyalty, and respect. and that's all i could ever ask for. and my dear flip is part of the reason we have remained so close and full of love and peace. all i could ask for, really. :)
running a little behind heading to work, so i'll update more tonight. stay tuned,
but anyway, beautiful day. full of promises and happiness. that's all i can ask for. i've really been missing my love, so i've been a little "whoa is me" lately, but i know soon i will be able to visit my flip and enjoy our wonderfulness together. long distance relationships are difficult, but if you can make it work and still have that certain amazing chemistry, then that's a wonderful sign. it shows love, loyalty, and respect. and that's all i could ever ask for. and my dear flip is part of the reason we have remained so close and full of love and peace. all i could ask for, really. :)
running a little behind heading to work, so i'll update more tonight. stay tuned,
- Tuesday, 1/3/12
got up really early today. slept great. wish i could have slept in a little later. today i'm going back to my home store (yay), but the bad news is we have to work a full work day then count inventory after we close. could take until 2 am in the morning. i know i'll be exhausted. let's see if i can count good when i'm exhausted. i'm sure i can, but it'll still be a funny brain process for me at that point in the day. i'm an art person anyway, not numbers. yes, i can count, but i prefer it to be in small doses. hah.
still have my horrible cough. and funky nose syndrome. as soon as i get to feeling better from one sickness, another sets in. damn you, germs! i guess with someone who has OCD should start to be a germ-a-phobe. but that's really never been my case, hence, why i always get sick with random spurts of illness. gross.
i posted this on facebook yesterday... but as i was on my way to work my last day at green hills, i totally left early just in care (bc i had to open the store solo). and as i'm heading to the interstate, i realize... shit, i left my name badge and the store key at my house. so, i call my mom who generously brought the necessities out to my car upon my return home. so, anyway, i head to work. traffic isn't bad, so i'm relieved when i get to work and still have time to stop at the e-bar they have right down the hall from the store. i get into work, get some paperwork done... get done early and have a few minutes to spare before i go and unlock the gate. i sit back in the office chair and put my feet up. then i realize, POW... you're an idiot and still have your house shoes on. i couldn't believe i forgot to change my freaking shoes. especially after turning around already to get my key and name badge. but my dumb ass didn't change shoes. there was a plus side: i wear temper-pedic house shoes (which we sell at my job), so i figured if any management noticed... i could pull the "i'm wearing them as a demo". but i was there for 9 hours, and NOT A SINGLE person noticed. how funny and awesome is that? i literally got to go to work in my house shoes, and wear them all day, and be comfy as hell. i can't wait to share this story with the people at my job location. it's priceless, like, it really is. score: temper-pedic - 1, brookstone at green hills - 0. i rock.
still have my horrible cough. and funky nose syndrome. as soon as i get to feeling better from one sickness, another sets in. damn you, germs! i guess with someone who has OCD should start to be a germ-a-phobe. but that's really never been my case, hence, why i always get sick with random spurts of illness. gross.
i posted this on facebook yesterday... but as i was on my way to work my last day at green hills, i totally left early just in care (bc i had to open the store solo). and as i'm heading to the interstate, i realize... shit, i left my name badge and the store key at my house. so, i call my mom who generously brought the necessities out to my car upon my return home. so, anyway, i head to work. traffic isn't bad, so i'm relieved when i get to work and still have time to stop at the e-bar they have right down the hall from the store. i get into work, get some paperwork done... get done early and have a few minutes to spare before i go and unlock the gate. i sit back in the office chair and put my feet up. then i realize, POW... you're an idiot and still have your house shoes on. i couldn't believe i forgot to change my freaking shoes. especially after turning around already to get my key and name badge. but my dumb ass didn't change shoes. there was a plus side: i wear temper-pedic house shoes (which we sell at my job), so i figured if any management noticed... i could pull the "i'm wearing them as a demo". but i was there for 9 hours, and NOT A SINGLE person noticed. how funny and awesome is that? i literally got to go to work in my house shoes, and wear them all day, and be comfy as hell. i can't wait to share this story with the people at my job location. it's priceless, like, it really is. score: temper-pedic - 1, brookstone at green hills - 0. i rock.
reading a new book, courtesy of a dear friend. i love reading books like this, they really help lighten my spirit. she highly recommended it, so i have to check it out to see what all the rave is about. thanks, ashley.
- Monday 1/2/12
well, today is my last day working at a different location for my retail job. i have to be honest, i'm very excited. i miss the people and my store a lot. even if that does means i'm going back to my original store and working a 15 hour shift (work throughout the day), and then counting inventory. not going to get out of there until 2 or 3 am. wonderous. hah.
as for today, i've got to be honest, i'm just feeling a little down. i'm not really sure why, but i certainly need to change that thought process and drop the blah feeling and turn it back into my positive and wonderful attitude. i hope i can get that today at work. no stress, no conflicts, and no drama. i'm steering clear of all that mad stuff. i WILL make today a good day. i don't want to have this "debby downer" attitude all day. i guess there's just hard feelings that the manager is making me open on my last day. i feel he did this bc he didn't feel like working that early. thanks, man. what a trooper.
i really do need to change my outlet. damn, i sound bitchy, and that's not what i want all. i think with a change of my focal point and live in each moment in happiness. i need to remember that. happiness isn't a situation, it's around all the time. you just have to find it and be patient that it'll come and stay your way.
as for today, i've got to be honest, i'm just feeling a little down. i'm not really sure why, but i certainly need to change that thought process and drop the blah feeling and turn it back into my positive and wonderful attitude. i hope i can get that today at work. no stress, no conflicts, and no drama. i'm steering clear of all that mad stuff. i WILL make today a good day. i don't want to have this "debby downer" attitude all day. i guess there's just hard feelings that the manager is making me open on my last day. i feel he did this bc he didn't feel like working that early. thanks, man. what a trooper.
i really do need to change my outlet. damn, i sound bitchy, and that's not what i want all. i think with a change of my focal point and live in each moment in happiness. i need to remember that. happiness isn't a situation, it's around all the time. you just have to find it and be patient that it'll come and stay your way.
- Sunday, 1/1/12
to sum this up shortly before i head out for work. i had a wonderful time with some friends last night... and today is the start of a wonderful year. beautiful day, unfortunately that leaves me inside at work, unable to see the wonderful sunlight. but i'll take some of it with me inside :)
i slept in way late (not even kidding), so i was unable to do my usual "morning update" on here. but when i get home i'll post more and share some thoughts i have on this year to come. it's going to be a great one. i'm ready. woohoo 2012. it's weird typing 2012. let alone writing it, let's see how many times i mess that up at work today. hah.
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i slept in way late (not even kidding), so i was unable to do my usual "morning update" on here. but when i get home i'll post more and share some thoughts i have on this year to come. it's going to be a great one. i'm ready. woohoo 2012. it's weird typing 2012. let alone writing it, let's see how many times i mess that up at work today. hah.
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- Saturday, 12/31/11
happy new year's eve to all.
so glad to have the day off, and i don't have to work tomorrow until 1 pm. so, maybe i'll be able to celebrate tonight. bad thing is, i woke up feeling a little under the weather. horrible cough, snot in my nose, and overall grossness, hah. but hopefully as the day goes on i'll start to feel better. that's usually how it goes... wake up, feel really bad, but as the day goes on, i tend to feel better. especially if i get out and about today.
it's so beautiful outside today. i'm really wanting to do as much as i can outside today. it's nice to have such a beautiful day on the last day of 2011. it's ending on a good note. i think i'm going to go to michael's craft store to buy bigger flowers to add to my flower hat. i have some on there, but it needs to be BIGGER an BETTER. oh, yes. the bigger, the better. i'm also in a way thinking about going to the park. it may be a bit chilly, but i really want to get outside. hell, i'll wear a coat, hah.
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now that i've slightly gotten ready for the day, i really am starting to feel better. that's a great thing. i was NOT in the mood to be under the weather all day. so, nonetheless, i am going to continue getting my flare on and run some errands. i truly do want to go to the park. but everyone is working today (just my luck... that's how everyone's work schedule is. it seems like every day i have off, my sweet friends are trapped at work). i really want to go and steal them away and kidnap them to the park. any takers? text me, and maybe we can get together :)
so glad to have the day off, and i don't have to work tomorrow until 1 pm. so, maybe i'll be able to celebrate tonight. bad thing is, i woke up feeling a little under the weather. horrible cough, snot in my nose, and overall grossness, hah. but hopefully as the day goes on i'll start to feel better. that's usually how it goes... wake up, feel really bad, but as the day goes on, i tend to feel better. especially if i get out and about today.
it's so beautiful outside today. i'm really wanting to do as much as i can outside today. it's nice to have such a beautiful day on the last day of 2011. it's ending on a good note. i think i'm going to go to michael's craft store to buy bigger flowers to add to my flower hat. i have some on there, but it needs to be BIGGER an BETTER. oh, yes. the bigger, the better. i'm also in a way thinking about going to the park. it may be a bit chilly, but i really want to get outside. hell, i'll wear a coat, hah.
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now that i've slightly gotten ready for the day, i really am starting to feel better. that's a great thing. i was NOT in the mood to be under the weather all day. so, nonetheless, i am going to continue getting my flare on and run some errands. i truly do want to go to the park. but everyone is working today (just my luck... that's how everyone's work schedule is. it seems like every day i have off, my sweet friends are trapped at work). i really want to go and steal them away and kidnap them to the park. any takers? text me, and maybe we can get together :)
- Friday, 12/30/11
i'm going to be honest... i really let some things get to me yesterday. i should have let them slide, but for some reason... everything that went on really got to me and effected my attitude and my outgoingness. i'm not going to let that happen again today. i can't let someone else's actions or words/or lack thereof, affect me to the point that it effects me the entire day and night. that's not fair to me or my existence. i will not let stuff drag me down. i just can't. it's not "kosher" in my eyes.
i do need to learn to quit taking things so personal. that's a horrible habit and mind set to have. i love the fact that i truly don't care what people think of me. i consider that to be a wonderful quality. i am who i am, take it or leave it. i've strived my whole life to be the person i've become... and i'm going to keep it that way. i'm strong. i'm beautiful, i'm outgoing, i'm happy. and i'm going to keep it that way. no matter what obstacles come along or one's that attack me, i just have to brush it off and remember there's no use in getting upset. i should be thankful for what i have in my life and should be grateful for everyday given to me. (even if it's a rough day, where i'm treated really negatively.)
today i will shine. today i will smile. today i will laugh. and today i will be all i can possibly be. that is what my plan is for the day. and my plan, i mean it's GOING to be that way. no holds back.
i do need to learn to quit taking things so personal. that's a horrible habit and mind set to have. i love the fact that i truly don't care what people think of me. i consider that to be a wonderful quality. i am who i am, take it or leave it. i've strived my whole life to be the person i've become... and i'm going to keep it that way. i'm strong. i'm beautiful, i'm outgoing, i'm happy. and i'm going to keep it that way. no matter what obstacles come along or one's that attack me, i just have to brush it off and remember there's no use in getting upset. i should be thankful for what i have in my life and should be grateful for everyday given to me. (even if it's a rough day, where i'm treated really negatively.)
today i will shine. today i will smile. today i will laugh. and today i will be all i can possibly be. that is what my plan is for the day. and my plan, i mean it's GOING to be that way. no holds back.
Truth is a discovery
And naturally all that we know about truth
Has to be dropped
Because we have not discovered it.
Anybody else truth is not your truth
And can never be your truth.
To believe in others’ truths
Is to remain in bondage.
Meditation is the way of dropping
All knowledge, all belief, all that is borrowed
So that you can discover on your own.
Unless truth is found by you
It cannot liberate you.
Meditation simply is a method
Which does two things.
First, it destroys all knowledge,
Leaves you like a child, utterly innocent
In a state of not-knowing.
This is the negative part of meditation,
And then the positive follows on its own accord,
Then great wonder arises in you
And that wonder leads to discovery.
- Osho
And naturally all that we know about truth
Has to be dropped
Because we have not discovered it.
Anybody else truth is not your truth
And can never be your truth.
To believe in others’ truths
Is to remain in bondage.
Meditation is the way of dropping
All knowledge, all belief, all that is borrowed
So that you can discover on your own.
Unless truth is found by you
It cannot liberate you.
Meditation simply is a method
Which does two things.
First, it destroys all knowledge,
Leaves you like a child, utterly innocent
In a state of not-knowing.
This is the negative part of meditation,
And then the positive follows on its own accord,
Then great wonder arises in you
And that wonder leads to discovery.
- Osho
- Thursday, 12/29/11
i have been horrible about sleeping through my alarm the past few days. i usually (like today) wake up super early and can take my sweet time getting ready for work. i guess i've just been working a lot and have become super tired over the weeks, and i truly needed some rest.
so, as this morning comes to sunrise... i'm getting a cup of black tea ready to wake my ass up to help me go into work. i like the idea of being able to take my time and not be rushed, bc the past couple of days, i've woken up and been super rushed. i hate that feeling. i want to wake up and enjoy my day. get ready peacefully and not be rushed and full of anxiety.
nonetheless, now that i'm up and adam, i'm ready for the day. i open alone today at green hills... lets hope this isn't going to be a disaster, hah. it's not my store, but they are letting me open by myself. so... i feel like a big girl. little ole me opening a strange store by myself. should be interesting.
the best part of working at my retail store at green hills is that my friend comes a visits me while i'm there (since he works a stones throw away from my store. it's nice to see his sweet little self. it brightens my day :) i love seeing friends when i'm at a weird place i'm not used to. so, seeing a familiar face helps brighten my day and help it go by smoother and happier. that's what friends are for, right?
so, as this morning comes to sunrise... i'm getting a cup of black tea ready to wake my ass up to help me go into work. i like the idea of being able to take my time and not be rushed, bc the past couple of days, i've woken up and been super rushed. i hate that feeling. i want to wake up and enjoy my day. get ready peacefully and not be rushed and full of anxiety.
nonetheless, now that i'm up and adam, i'm ready for the day. i open alone today at green hills... lets hope this isn't going to be a disaster, hah. it's not my store, but they are letting me open by myself. so... i feel like a big girl. little ole me opening a strange store by myself. should be interesting.
the best part of working at my retail store at green hills is that my friend comes a visits me while i'm there (since he works a stones throw away from my store. it's nice to see his sweet little self. it brightens my day :) i love seeing friends when i'm at a weird place i'm not used to. so, seeing a familiar face helps brighten my day and help it go by smoother and happier. that's what friends are for, right?
- Tuesday, 12/27/11
another monday has passed. that day flew by for me. i'm currently at another mall helping them out after christmas bc they are short of managers. so, i went in yesterday and started my week off with some new people. they are all younger than me for the most part. but the funny thing is, the store is about (maybe) an 1/8th of what the size of my typical location. very small. short staff. short on merchandise. so, it kind of leaves me to have a lot of free time. i don't mind, which is weird... but the time still seems to move pretty fast. nothing wrong with that, especially if i'm enjoying myself.
as for today, i'll be working with some other employees at that location today, so i get to meet and work with new people. that's always fun. and hopefully everything will turn out just fun when it comes to workload and work madness, hah.
today my goal is to continue finding inner happiness. not basing on what has been, what is currently going on, or what in store. happiness is there, i just have to continue to remind myself that happiness is ALWAYS there... you just have to accept it, and welcome it with open arms. thats my goal. emit inner happiness.
as for today, i'll be working with some other employees at that location today, so i get to meet and work with new people. that's always fun. and hopefully everything will turn out just fun when it comes to workload and work madness, hah.
today my goal is to continue finding inner happiness. not basing on what has been, what is currently going on, or what in store. happiness is there, i just have to continue to remind myself that happiness is ALWAYS there... you just have to accept it, and welcome it with open arms. thats my goal. emit inner happiness.
- Monday, 12/26/11
well, here's back to the working week. boo.
unfortunately i'm going to help out at another mall this week for my store. i'm not really dreading actually going to work there, it's the whole driving thing that is getting to me. the traffic is this area is horrible and congested. not my idea of fun. driving is one of my biggest fears and my dreaded things ever. so, i'm giving myself an hour to get there (just in case mall traffic is awful). i think i'll be fine once i'm parked and able to find the store inside the mall. but, time will only tell.
one thing i really hate is that i haven't been able to keep practicing my meditation. i have still done it on a daily basis. but i have stopped doing my advance techniques and have only stuck with the simple basic ones. they are beneficial, but they don't enlighten me as much. i plan on having a little meditation time before i head into work today (just to mentally, physically, and spiritually ready). i need that boost. more than anything. i want to post some new meditations that i've been practicing lately, yes... they are a bit more advance, but they are truly amazingly beautiful :)
as for today, here's to a good day at work (even if i don't know anyone, hah).
unfortunately i'm going to help out at another mall this week for my store. i'm not really dreading actually going to work there, it's the whole driving thing that is getting to me. the traffic is this area is horrible and congested. not my idea of fun. driving is one of my biggest fears and my dreaded things ever. so, i'm giving myself an hour to get there (just in case mall traffic is awful). i think i'll be fine once i'm parked and able to find the store inside the mall. but, time will only tell.
one thing i really hate is that i haven't been able to keep practicing my meditation. i have still done it on a daily basis. but i have stopped doing my advance techniques and have only stuck with the simple basic ones. they are beneficial, but they don't enlighten me as much. i plan on having a little meditation time before i head into work today (just to mentally, physically, and spiritually ready). i need that boost. more than anything. i want to post some new meditations that i've been practicing lately, yes... they are a bit more advance, but they are truly amazingly beautiful :)
as for today, here's to a good day at work (even if i don't know anyone, hah).
- Sunday, 12/25/11
sad to say, i actually wasn't able to post anything on my site yesterday. i opened the store yesterday (overslept my alarm... oops), worked at 10 hour day, came home from work, napped, then celebrated christmas on christmas eve with my parents, bro, sis in law, and my nephew. so, needless to say, i was super busy, and wasn't able to hop online and ramble on about how great i am. hah.
as for today, i'm spending christmas solo. my family is spread out, so my parents are going to spend a few days with my sis and her family... so, that leaves me at home. which is just fine :) i'll have a wonderful day of relaxation and some "me" time. it's christmas, so it's also a day off for me... so it's double nice.
next week, i'm helping my retail store at another location (blah, rich people area)... but i'll be there to help them out as 2nd assistant manager. (which hopefully will look good in the district manager's eyes, bc he specifically asked me to do the week transfer. which may help me grow in the company. but let's see how that pans out :)
after receiving some wonderful surprises for christmas, i got a lot of toy camera accessories and lomography awesomeness. i just can't resist but to show you some of my awesome gifts.
as for today, i'm spending christmas solo. my family is spread out, so my parents are going to spend a few days with my sis and her family... so, that leaves me at home. which is just fine :) i'll have a wonderful day of relaxation and some "me" time. it's christmas, so it's also a day off for me... so it's double nice.
next week, i'm helping my retail store at another location (blah, rich people area)... but i'll be there to help them out as 2nd assistant manager. (which hopefully will look good in the district manager's eyes, bc he specifically asked me to do the week transfer. which may help me grow in the company. but let's see how that pans out :)
after receiving some wonderful surprises for christmas, i got a lot of toy camera accessories and lomography awesomeness. i just can't resist but to show you some of my awesome gifts.
- Friday, 12/23/11
it's almost christmas! i'm having a non-traditional christmas this year. bc of work (bleg), i have to work the day before and after christmas... so that only left us with a few options. christmas eve, i'm celebrating with my mom and dad once i get home from work. gift exchanges will occur then. but then on actual christmas day, they are heading to knoxville to visit other family. and i'm unable to go bc of my work schedule. boo. so, nonetheless, i'll be all alone on christmas day. i'm not sure i've ever had a christmas like this. kind of weird and sad at the same time.
as for today, i have a really good feeling ab how everything is going to go. i'm going to keep things simple and pleasant. that's what work should be. no stress. no complaining, only taking everything in as a good moment, and going from there. that's what i'm going for today. keeping things happy and simple, and not letting negativity get into my happiness aura. i'm not going to let anyone get into my happy bubble, unless they want to join in and enjoy the happiness.
as for today, i have a really good feeling ab how everything is going to go. i'm going to keep things simple and pleasant. that's what work should be. no stress. no complaining, only taking everything in as a good moment, and going from there. that's what i'm going for today. keeping things happy and simple, and not letting negativity get into my happiness aura. i'm not going to let anyone get into my happy bubble, unless they want to join in and enjoy the happiness.
- Thursday, 12/22/11
i hate when i wake up with a headache. i guess i'll blame it on the low pressure system coming in with all the clouds. that always gives me a horrible headache. boo, gross. last night, again, i fell asleep super early (lame) and woke up so early this morning (also, very lame). i love having as much day as i can live. but the last 2 days i feel i've been so lethargic. i hate that feeling. i want to feel useful and feel i attribute to something. so, that's my goal today. to be useful and attribute to something worth while.
just looked at the weather for today: cloudy, rainy, and thunderstorms. eww, gross. sounds like an icky day to come. i love days that are clear (maybe some clouds thrown in there) and sunny. those are the days i strive for. they are what make me smile when i awaken. but since i don't have that this morning, i'm going to make my own sunshine from within, that way it'll radiate out of me and hopefully rub off on others, so they feel like they would on a beautiful sunny day. but who knows how that's going to work being that it is getting so close to christmas. retail jobs are burning the candles at both ends dealing with last minute shoppers. most of whom, are not happy they are stuck at the mall buying gifts. oh, retail... how bitter you are.
on a side note: i need to continue practicing finding happiness in every moment. not what's happened, not what's to come. just find contentment in the moment and that's where inner happiness comes from. we don't need outside influences to effect our mood and our happiness. we control out emotions in different situations. why not turn a sticky situation into one that you're able to turn away from bc you have found happiness from within, and that way the "stickyness" won't hurt your spirit. that's what i'm going to keep reminding myself. today's goal. find happiness is everything, even if its just another day at work.
just looked at the weather for today: cloudy, rainy, and thunderstorms. eww, gross. sounds like an icky day to come. i love days that are clear (maybe some clouds thrown in there) and sunny. those are the days i strive for. they are what make me smile when i awaken. but since i don't have that this morning, i'm going to make my own sunshine from within, that way it'll radiate out of me and hopefully rub off on others, so they feel like they would on a beautiful sunny day. but who knows how that's going to work being that it is getting so close to christmas. retail jobs are burning the candles at both ends dealing with last minute shoppers. most of whom, are not happy they are stuck at the mall buying gifts. oh, retail... how bitter you are.
on a side note: i need to continue practicing finding happiness in every moment. not what's happened, not what's to come. just find contentment in the moment and that's where inner happiness comes from. we don't need outside influences to effect our mood and our happiness. we control out emotions in different situations. why not turn a sticky situation into one that you're able to turn away from bc you have found happiness from within, and that way the "stickyness" won't hurt your spirit. that's what i'm going to keep reminding myself. today's goal. find happiness is everything, even if its just another day at work.
- Wednesday, 12/21/11
hah, get this. fell asleep at around 8:30 or so last night, and woke up at around 4 am. so, i technically got 7 and 1/2 hours of sleep. but damn, to be up this early... and not being able to go back to sleep? my sleep cycle is so used to waking up early, and its not to used to me going to bed so early. hence, why i'm up before 5 am. i slept well, but as the day goes on, i know i'll be "a little out of it".
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now, several hours later, i ended up being able to fall back asleep (yay). i actually slept until 8:15 or so. that's the latest i've slept in since october. it was kind of nice being able to sleep in on my day off. hah, how funny. i conside 8:15 to be "sleeping in".
as for the day, i'm editing photos and working on photoshop of a bridal photo shoot i did for a friend. i want to do something eventful today to get me out of the house. i just need to go out and explore or something. i might take a walk or play with my new sprocket rocket toy camera. who knows, i just going to go with the flow, maybe even hang out with some friends (depending on everyone's work schedule). but oh how i'd love to have some chill/down time with some friends.
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now, several hours later, i ended up being able to fall back asleep (yay). i actually slept until 8:15 or so. that's the latest i've slept in since october. it was kind of nice being able to sleep in on my day off. hah, how funny. i conside 8:15 to be "sleeping in".
as for the day, i'm editing photos and working on photoshop of a bridal photo shoot i did for a friend. i want to do something eventful today to get me out of the house. i just need to go out and explore or something. i might take a walk or play with my new sprocket rocket toy camera. who knows, i just going to go with the flow, maybe even hang out with some friends (depending on everyone's work schedule). but oh how i'd love to have some chill/down time with some friends.
- Tuesday, 12/20/11
well, turns out my horrible eye problems ended up being severe conjunctivitis. that explains the swelling, horrible excess tears, burning eyes, and ability to keep my eyes open. but with antibiotic eye drops, i already feel better. swelling has gone down, no tears, slight burning, and i can keep my eyes open. yay! here's to feeling better.
while reading last night before bed, i was reading on finding happiness that comes from within. i came across some statements that i had to highlight (that's right, i highlight in my books to highlight great points). and here are the ones that came across:
- "happiness is where you are -- whever you are, happiness is there. It surrounds you, it is a natural phenomenon."
- "so the first thing is not to dream, not to project. the first this is to be here now. whatsoever it is, just be here now -- and a tremendous revelation is waiting for you."
these quotes really stood out to me. quit dwelling on what is in the past, quit dwelling on what's to come, just find happiness in the now. right now. find happiness in the situation you are in exactly at this point. this is what i really needed to be reminded of. there's no need to look and hope for happiness. it is there the whole time. we have to quit striving for it, or expecting it. it is there in every moment. every single moment of every day has an opportunity for one to find a happiness from within. remind yourself that. you deserve it.
today is going to be a day when i truly need to take this practice and put it to work. i don't need stress, i don't need to worry, i need to be in the now. find happiness and contentment at the very moment to need to. i need to constantly live in this idea. happiness is in the now. it's not in the past, nor the future. it is guaranteed now. find it. appreciate it, and live on with this practice. it'll surely surprise us of what we are capable of when it comes to finding happiness within. don't strive for it. just be.
while reading last night before bed, i was reading on finding happiness that comes from within. i came across some statements that i had to highlight (that's right, i highlight in my books to highlight great points). and here are the ones that came across:
- "happiness is where you are -- whever you are, happiness is there. It surrounds you, it is a natural phenomenon."
- "so the first thing is not to dream, not to project. the first this is to be here now. whatsoever it is, just be here now -- and a tremendous revelation is waiting for you."
these quotes really stood out to me. quit dwelling on what is in the past, quit dwelling on what's to come, just find happiness in the now. right now. find happiness in the situation you are in exactly at this point. this is what i really needed to be reminded of. there's no need to look and hope for happiness. it is there the whole time. we have to quit striving for it, or expecting it. it is there in every moment. every single moment of every day has an opportunity for one to find a happiness from within. remind yourself that. you deserve it.
today is going to be a day when i truly need to take this practice and put it to work. i don't need stress, i don't need to worry, i need to be in the now. find happiness and contentment at the very moment to need to. i need to constantly live in this idea. happiness is in the now. it's not in the past, nor the future. it is guaranteed now. find it. appreciate it, and live on with this practice. it'll surely surprise us of what we are capable of when it comes to finding happiness within. don't strive for it. just be.
- Monday, 12/19/11
so, i've decided i have sometihng seriously wrong with my eyes. they are burning, swollen, pouring out tears, and i can hardly keep them open. i hate this feeling. i'm not even sure i'm going to be able to drive to work. maybe my dear mother will. bc wow, these puppies are hurting. BAD. it started yesterday, and as soon as i woke up, it all came back 10x worse. bleg.
positivity and happiness are my longings of the day. i'm no longer in the situation i was in where i was feeling frustrated and impatient. i had to get out of that. it was out of my hands, so i put the situation in my hands... and threw it away. and i feel better now that i've done so. holding onto ideas or other's ideas is not the best option for me. i am going to be me, myself, and i. and with that said, i will not be at the mercy of others. no sir-eeee.
positivity effect: in psychology and cognitive science, the positivity effect is the tendency of people, when evaluating the causes of the behaviors of a person they like or prefer, to attribute the person's inherent disposition as the cause of their positive behaviors and the situations surrounding them as the cause of their negative behaviors. The positivity effect is the inverse of the negativity effect, which is found when people evaluate the causes of the behaviors of a person they dislike. Both effects are attributional biases.
i want to have the positivity effect. i want to radiate positivity. i need to drop the "whoa is me" attitude, and get to work on being the best positive person i can be. no more bullshit, i'm tired to being surrounded by negativity, and the best way to have that under control is to make my positive outlook contagious. that is my goal today. positive thoughts, actions, and intentions. sound good? i think it does.
positivity and happiness are my longings of the day. i'm no longer in the situation i was in where i was feeling frustrated and impatient. i had to get out of that. it was out of my hands, so i put the situation in my hands... and threw it away. and i feel better now that i've done so. holding onto ideas or other's ideas is not the best option for me. i am going to be me, myself, and i. and with that said, i will not be at the mercy of others. no sir-eeee.
positivity effect: in psychology and cognitive science, the positivity effect is the tendency of people, when evaluating the causes of the behaviors of a person they like or prefer, to attribute the person's inherent disposition as the cause of their positive behaviors and the situations surrounding them as the cause of their negative behaviors. The positivity effect is the inverse of the negativity effect, which is found when people evaluate the causes of the behaviors of a person they dislike. Both effects are attributional biases.
i want to have the positivity effect. i want to radiate positivity. i need to drop the "whoa is me" attitude, and get to work on being the best positive person i can be. no more bullshit, i'm tired to being surrounded by negativity, and the best way to have that under control is to make my positive outlook contagious. that is my goal today. positive thoughts, actions, and intentions. sound good? i think it does.
- Sunday, 12/18/11
early wake up for me, as usual. last night i literally came home from work, hopped in the shower, got ready to go out for a bit, and then laid down on my bed to meditate to pass some time, and fell asleep. i woke up at midnight and was like "whoops". hah, at least i get an A for effort. i tried, but body just wouldn't let me go out.
i have a rant about something. it's me, really. i am just tired of how i'm letting people effect me. i need to keep reminding myself that I AM THE ONE who is responsible for how i react and feel towards things. but i'm slightly letting certain people and petty things really yank at my heart. i need to stop doing this. it really isn't a good quality of mine that i'd like to re-hatch. i want to remain happy and at peace with all and everything. so much to ask? no, i just need to remember that and take it into action.
i have a rant about something. it's me, really. i am just tired of how i'm letting people effect me. i need to keep reminding myself that I AM THE ONE who is responsible for how i react and feel towards things. but i'm slightly letting certain people and petty things really yank at my heart. i need to stop doing this. it really isn't a good quality of mine that i'd like to re-hatch. i want to remain happy and at peace with all and everything. so much to ask? no, i just need to remember that and take it into action.
i bought a new speaker from work to use on my macbook, and to be honest, this thing really does kick ass. now when people ask "how good is this speaker?" i can testify that it's quite nice. it's loud and has great bass and treble. i can totally dig that. when it comes to me needing music on a daily basis, let alone in large doses.... this speaker is wonderful. i need my music. i adore and live for it. i can't believe how much music affects me and how to really does help to keep me up and light hearted. especially certain genres. god, i love this speaker. i really need to by another, and my computer will be a music produc
- Saturday, 12/17/11
as my birthday has passed, i feel like i'm ready to start this year off with a positive and loving energy. here's the that, yo.
last night after dinner my mom and dad surprised me with the new toy camera i really wanted! it's called the sprocket rocket. it's photographs include the sprocket parts of the film, letting the image take up the entire film spot. its paroramic lens with wide angle. what a joy, 2 of my favorite things :) you can wind and rewind the film to add double, triple, or merging of 2 separate shots. what a wonderful gift and what fun i'll have using this bad boy. toy cameras are solely made of plastic, the body, the manual film loading and advancing, and plastic lenses and a plastic flash. that's what give the photographs such a unique and awesome result. i can't wait to start playing with it. especially once i get color slide film. then the game will, for sure, be on, bitches :) check out my camera projects section to see what this bad boy can do. i'll show some sample images from the website i got it from.
last night after dinner my mom and dad surprised me with the new toy camera i really wanted! it's called the sprocket rocket. it's photographs include the sprocket parts of the film, letting the image take up the entire film spot. its paroramic lens with wide angle. what a joy, 2 of my favorite things :) you can wind and rewind the film to add double, triple, or merging of 2 separate shots. what a wonderful gift and what fun i'll have using this bad boy. toy cameras are solely made of plastic, the body, the manual film loading and advancing, and plastic lenses and a plastic flash. that's what give the photographs such a unique and awesome result. i can't wait to start playing with it. especially once i get color slide film. then the game will, for sure, be on, bitches :) check out my camera projects section to see what this bad boy can do. i'll show some sample images from the website i got it from.
for some reason the past couple of days my patience has really been tested. i get so frustrated, and it's all out of my hands. i don't mean to point fingers, but others have truly tested my patience and effort. i feel like i am stuck between a rock and a hard place. but, this too shall pass, so i better just suck it up and put my game face on. it's stuff like this that help me develop as a person. learning patience and letting it go if things for some reason fall apart. i know this happens to everyone, it's quite a common feeling. so i'm just going to challenge myself to keep myself positive and motivated so my patience will be under control. no doubt. i know i can learn this and practice it. it's all about keeping it real and staying real too, yo.
- Friday, 12/16/11
happy bday to me :)
weird thing is, i woke up this morning, headed down the stairs to get the tea pot going, and my mom says "Happy Birthday, sweetie!", and then i was like, "oh shit, i forgot". is that bad? i guess bc today is just another work day, i didn't find it to be a memorable day i suppose. but, of course it is! it's my 26th birthday :)
my 25th year really showed me who i was, and what i could do, and how i can be the best person i can possibly be. i dropped a lot of my lifestyle, lost some friends, gained some amazing friends, learned how to live my life to the fullest, and how to sit back and enjoy life for all it's beauty. my 25th year is when i truly learned to love myself and appreciate myself. and if it hadn't been for the love i found within myself, i never would have found love like i did with my flip. during my 25th year, i was honored and blessed to meet and unite with this wonderful guy. i have fallen in love over my head with him, and i don't know what i'd do without him. my 25th year had its battles, but i believe that's what has helped sculpt me into who i am. i love who i've become. i love my life. i love the people who are apart of it. i love what i've done, and what's to come...
here's the year number 26. i'm ready to kick some ass and take some names :)
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as the day has slowly come to an end, my birthday was typically a day at work, hah. i did get many "happy birthdays" from people, which made me happy. and i also got some wonderful gifts from some very dear people. it all means a lot that i have friends who do just the simple things, and i wouldn't have it any other way.
side note, my one request for my bday is my mom's homemade lasagna. i can't wait to DEVOUR it. it's my favorite thing she makes, and every year since i don't even remember when, but i request it and no doubt, she's happy to made it for this bday girl. what a trooper.
i really hope this year brings a whole new experience to my existence. that's all i could ask for. just to have life experiences that help shape and mold me to who i am have have become and who i can be. that's going to be my birthday present to myself. life experience. what a great gift.
weird thing is, i woke up this morning, headed down the stairs to get the tea pot going, and my mom says "Happy Birthday, sweetie!", and then i was like, "oh shit, i forgot". is that bad? i guess bc today is just another work day, i didn't find it to be a memorable day i suppose. but, of course it is! it's my 26th birthday :)
my 25th year really showed me who i was, and what i could do, and how i can be the best person i can possibly be. i dropped a lot of my lifestyle, lost some friends, gained some amazing friends, learned how to live my life to the fullest, and how to sit back and enjoy life for all it's beauty. my 25th year is when i truly learned to love myself and appreciate myself. and if it hadn't been for the love i found within myself, i never would have found love like i did with my flip. during my 25th year, i was honored and blessed to meet and unite with this wonderful guy. i have fallen in love over my head with him, and i don't know what i'd do without him. my 25th year had its battles, but i believe that's what has helped sculpt me into who i am. i love who i've become. i love my life. i love the people who are apart of it. i love what i've done, and what's to come...
here's the year number 26. i'm ready to kick some ass and take some names :)
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as the day has slowly come to an end, my birthday was typically a day at work, hah. i did get many "happy birthdays" from people, which made me happy. and i also got some wonderful gifts from some very dear people. it all means a lot that i have friends who do just the simple things, and i wouldn't have it any other way.
side note, my one request for my bday is my mom's homemade lasagna. i can't wait to DEVOUR it. it's my favorite thing she makes, and every year since i don't even remember when, but i request it and no doubt, she's happy to made it for this bday girl. what a trooper.
i really hope this year brings a whole new experience to my existence. that's all i could ask for. just to have life experiences that help shape and mold me to who i am have have become and who i can be. that's going to be my birthday present to myself. life experience. what a great gift.
- Thursday, 12/15/11
my birthday is tomorrow :)
can't say i'm too excited for it. nothing special happening, though i do get mom's homemade lasagna for dinner (it's my only request for my bday this year, hah). i just have to work so much this time of year, that i really can't set aside time to get a little celebration together. makes me kinda sad. it'll be my first bday without a somewhat "festivity". oh well, i mean... i am going to be 26, no need to throw a party or anything along those lines. but oh how i'd love to go to a nice dinner with friends and have some merry drinks :) maybe a belated dinner would be ok... hah.
in a way, i woke up today really not looking forward to what was to come. i hate waking up with that feeling. i don't need to have that feeling. i should see each day as a new and wonderful opportunity to express myself in this crazy mess of a world. i should want to express happiness and love. and as the morning has gone on and i have gotten ready for my day (dressed and accessorized), i'm starting to feel better about what's to come. i can't let work (sorry, said i wouldn't talk about it that much on here) be the basis as to whether or not i'm going to have a good day or not. I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT. if i seek happiness, i will fail. if i stay content, happiness will find me. that's how it should be. don't stress, don't expect, just let it be. and things will be all right.
can't say i'm too excited for it. nothing special happening, though i do get mom's homemade lasagna for dinner (it's my only request for my bday this year, hah). i just have to work so much this time of year, that i really can't set aside time to get a little celebration together. makes me kinda sad. it'll be my first bday without a somewhat "festivity". oh well, i mean... i am going to be 26, no need to throw a party or anything along those lines. but oh how i'd love to go to a nice dinner with friends and have some merry drinks :) maybe a belated dinner would be ok... hah.
in a way, i woke up today really not looking forward to what was to come. i hate waking up with that feeling. i don't need to have that feeling. i should see each day as a new and wonderful opportunity to express myself in this crazy mess of a world. i should want to express happiness and love. and as the morning has gone on and i have gotten ready for my day (dressed and accessorized), i'm starting to feel better about what's to come. i can't let work (sorry, said i wouldn't talk about it that much on here) be the basis as to whether or not i'm going to have a good day or not. I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT. if i seek happiness, i will fail. if i stay content, happiness will find me. that's how it should be. don't stress, don't expect, just let it be. and things will be all right.
- Wednesday, 12/14/11
slept amazing last night, but of course... my body INSISTS on waking up as soon as the sun starts to come up. even on my last day off until christmas. but oh well, i'm so thrilled to have this day off. i have a lot in store, especially a lovely bridal photo shoot with a dear old friend of mine. we are going to get her ready and gorgeous and take some beautiful shots of her at her best. can't wait.
until then, i honestly think i'm just going to be a bum today. i spent a lot of money christmas shopping last night (whoops)... so i'll stay in today, so i'm not tempted to do anymore holiday shopping until i get some bills paid. boink.
i truly feel like i'll thrive today. i'm not sure what that really entails... but i think it's a good feeling. i'm really in the mood to focus within and spend some "me" time today on my day off. who knows, maybe tonight i'll be raring to go, wanting to be around some company. but i'll just go with the flow. that's the theme of my life. "go with the flow". it's the best way to go, and it really makes you feel you are doing what's right for you and you take it in and appreciate things a lot more. i'm not meaning to go on a rant, but i'm really tired of people constantly being in a "black hole". i suffer from severe depression and anxiety, as well as OCD. but by working on getting myself well (bc i actually TRIED), i feel i have grown as a woman and a spiritual being. no longer letting myself get into those "black holes" of sadness and negativity. i can't bear to be around or apart of that anymore. it seems to really effect my energy level and my enlightenment when i'm surrounded by those who are stuck in their black holes.... and they aren't even making an attempt to get out of the funk. they just sit there and "hope things get better". well, do what you have to do damnit... and MAKE things get better. we all have shit thrown our way, no doubt about that. but really, it's time for us all to realize we're not the only ones that have to battle occasionally. just always keep in mind, "this too shall pass".
ok, rant complete.
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as the day is slowly coming to an end, i received a wonderful phone call from work telling me i have to work from 8-6:30 tomorrow. funny thing is, i'm not on the schedule to come in until 10, but the manager was supposed to open... but now he tells me he's not coming into work at 12? whoooo. that's a lot of information pertaining to work all at once. so, i have to open. be by myself for an hour. work. work. work some more. lunch. then work. work. work. go home. wow, that sounds like a real line up for tomorrow.
it kinda bums me out bc i was hoping to spend some of my morning "me time" editing the bridal photo shoot i did today. and i know i'll be tired after work tomorrow, but my goal is to start editing them until i fall asleep, hah. but instead, i'll wake up at dawn (as usual) and have to kick start my day a little quicker than my liking, but oh well. it's just another day. tomorrow will be just fine with me. i'll swallow my "work stress" and just be glad i have a job. a lot of people aren't able to celebrate the holidays bc it is so hard to get a job these days. and without financial stability, a lot of families don't get to celebrate all the holiday season. so, i just need to shut up and be grateful. tomorrow i will be leaving for work with that in mind. i just need to remember to be thankful for what i got.
until then, i honestly think i'm just going to be a bum today. i spent a lot of money christmas shopping last night (whoops)... so i'll stay in today, so i'm not tempted to do anymore holiday shopping until i get some bills paid. boink.
i truly feel like i'll thrive today. i'm not sure what that really entails... but i think it's a good feeling. i'm really in the mood to focus within and spend some "me" time today on my day off. who knows, maybe tonight i'll be raring to go, wanting to be around some company. but i'll just go with the flow. that's the theme of my life. "go with the flow". it's the best way to go, and it really makes you feel you are doing what's right for you and you take it in and appreciate things a lot more. i'm not meaning to go on a rant, but i'm really tired of people constantly being in a "black hole". i suffer from severe depression and anxiety, as well as OCD. but by working on getting myself well (bc i actually TRIED), i feel i have grown as a woman and a spiritual being. no longer letting myself get into those "black holes" of sadness and negativity. i can't bear to be around or apart of that anymore. it seems to really effect my energy level and my enlightenment when i'm surrounded by those who are stuck in their black holes.... and they aren't even making an attempt to get out of the funk. they just sit there and "hope things get better". well, do what you have to do damnit... and MAKE things get better. we all have shit thrown our way, no doubt about that. but really, it's time for us all to realize we're not the only ones that have to battle occasionally. just always keep in mind, "this too shall pass".
ok, rant complete.
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as the day is slowly coming to an end, i received a wonderful phone call from work telling me i have to work from 8-6:30 tomorrow. funny thing is, i'm not on the schedule to come in until 10, but the manager was supposed to open... but now he tells me he's not coming into work at 12? whoooo. that's a lot of information pertaining to work all at once. so, i have to open. be by myself for an hour. work. work. work some more. lunch. then work. work. work. go home. wow, that sounds like a real line up for tomorrow.
it kinda bums me out bc i was hoping to spend some of my morning "me time" editing the bridal photo shoot i did today. and i know i'll be tired after work tomorrow, but my goal is to start editing them until i fall asleep, hah. but instead, i'll wake up at dawn (as usual) and have to kick start my day a little quicker than my liking, but oh well. it's just another day. tomorrow will be just fine with me. i'll swallow my "work stress" and just be glad i have a job. a lot of people aren't able to celebrate the holidays bc it is so hard to get a job these days. and without financial stability, a lot of families don't get to celebrate all the holiday season. so, i just need to shut up and be grateful. tomorrow i will be leaving for work with that in mind. i just need to remember to be thankful for what i got.
- Tuesday, 12/13/11
i just had a birthday moment. i'm turning 26 in 3 days. that's pretty exciting. and no, i'm one of those people of this age group that consider 26 to be "old". i'm only at a quarter century mark of my life. i love my life, every aspect, i have amazing friends, i have my photography and art, and i have a wonderful family. there's no indications that i'm "old" by any means of the word.
i still go out and enjoy myself, just as i did in the past, but i don't go out and do petty things. i actually do and partake in things that matter to me, and complete me. and that's what living life to the fullest. and hell, they say you're only as old as you feel. and i feel like i'm 20. so, suck it. live your life, and quit saying you're old.
on another note. i truly slept like a baby last night. i've had some good nights rests here and there lately, but last night was awesome. i feel really rested and ready for my day. with my music streaming through my macbook (and mini speakers, bc the volume on my computer is pathetic), i'm getting up and adam and getting my ass ready for another day to conquer.
yesterday at work, i realized that i truly do feel better when i have my optimistic attitude. not getting frustrated or overwhelmed, but taking each situation as it comes towards me. i truly do love how my outlook has become so positive and my mood has been so uplifted (not to mention my soul). i can only continue down this path to truly live life to the fullest. and while we're here... isn't that what we should be doing? live life. don't let life suck the life out of you. no one is that weak or deserves to live in such a way.
i still go out and enjoy myself, just as i did in the past, but i don't go out and do petty things. i actually do and partake in things that matter to me, and complete me. and that's what living life to the fullest. and hell, they say you're only as old as you feel. and i feel like i'm 20. so, suck it. live your life, and quit saying you're old.
on another note. i truly slept like a baby last night. i've had some good nights rests here and there lately, but last night was awesome. i feel really rested and ready for my day. with my music streaming through my macbook (and mini speakers, bc the volume on my computer is pathetic), i'm getting up and adam and getting my ass ready for another day to conquer.
yesterday at work, i realized that i truly do feel better when i have my optimistic attitude. not getting frustrated or overwhelmed, but taking each situation as it comes towards me. i truly do love how my outlook has become so positive and my mood has been so uplifted (not to mention my soul). i can only continue down this path to truly live life to the fullest. and while we're here... isn't that what we should be doing? live life. don't let life suck the life out of you. no one is that weak or deserves to live in such a way.
- Monday, 12/12/11
still feeling under the weather, but i feel to have more energy in me. so, that's always a good thing. i'm sure it'll help me keep some pep in my step throughout the day, hell... even throughout the week. i'm working a bunch of hours, so i'm going to have to keep well.
AND i get to do a bridal photoshoot on wednesday for a dear OLD friend. i've known her since i was 8 or so, and played softball with her from 8 to 17 i believe. we go way back. so, nonetheless... i'm very excited to shoot her bridal portraits and participate in her wedding. it'll be a lot of fun. and usually, i'm not a big wedding photography fan, but to do it for a friend really means a lot more. it's more like i'm doing it for them as a present. i feel i'm capturing their moment and making it and the memories worth a thousand words.
i'm going to have to start making a request to my household from here on out: please do not leave snicker bars in the kitchen cabinet. they will be eaten by me, and i'd prefer that to be a no no. so, please start putting them elsewhere so i can lose this snicker belly i've developed. k, thanks.
despite having a crazy work week, i'm still going to work on my art. i really need more of it around. it's always good to have some art outlet to come home to when you're ready to relax. i think i'm going to work on flip's (my boyfriend) little collage i am making for him. almost done, i guess... but i think i still might have to add more flare. he loved my 5 min. painting with the steal your face skull of the grateful dead. so, hopefully he'll like the new "happy" collage i'm making him. it's pretty cute. don't want to discuss it too much on here, just in case he gets access to the internet and snoops my blog... so no more talk of his art project.
AND i get to do a bridal photoshoot on wednesday for a dear OLD friend. i've known her since i was 8 or so, and played softball with her from 8 to 17 i believe. we go way back. so, nonetheless... i'm very excited to shoot her bridal portraits and participate in her wedding. it'll be a lot of fun. and usually, i'm not a big wedding photography fan, but to do it for a friend really means a lot more. it's more like i'm doing it for them as a present. i feel i'm capturing their moment and making it and the memories worth a thousand words.
i'm going to have to start making a request to my household from here on out: please do not leave snicker bars in the kitchen cabinet. they will be eaten by me, and i'd prefer that to be a no no. so, please start putting them elsewhere so i can lose this snicker belly i've developed. k, thanks.
despite having a crazy work week, i'm still going to work on my art. i really need more of it around. it's always good to have some art outlet to come home to when you're ready to relax. i think i'm going to work on flip's (my boyfriend) little collage i am making for him. almost done, i guess... but i think i still might have to add more flare. he loved my 5 min. painting with the steal your face skull of the grateful dead. so, hopefully he'll like the new "happy" collage i'm making him. it's pretty cute. don't want to discuss it too much on here, just in case he gets access to the internet and snoops my blog... so no more talk of his art project.
- Sunday, 12/11/11
i've got to stop with all this being on nerves at the time. it's wearing me down. i need to get past the bullshit, and learn from and appreciate whatever situation is handed my way. like work, i need to make it a more up-lifting setting. i want to learn and appreciate every single second i'm alive, even if it is at work.
i tend to talk about work a lot on here. i think it'd be in the best interest of me and the viewers not having to read on all that babble.
another morning of waking up before sunrise. not really sure why my body is doing this cycle. but it's obviously for a reason. perhaps to enjoy every second of the day as i can, or needing to keep sunlight in my life at the moment (especially during the winter days, long nights). i really don't mind it a bit at all. yes, i do get tired as the day goes on, but no more than if i was to sleep until 9:00 or something. but really, i seem to be getting more energy and "umph" out of my self. that's what i'm talking about.
i'm going into today with an amazing attitude and energy that will def bring the day to a better and happier place. that's my goal at least. i need to quit taking things SOO damn seriously. i'm sorry, but i enjoy myself a lot more when i'm light-hearted and laid back. not super serious and overwhelming. i mean, who really likes anyone like that?
As the morning as come to day light, i'm thoroughly enjoying my hot tea indulgment and relaxing to my grateful dead pandora station. they have a good collection of artist that come along on that pandora station. i highly recommend it.
now that i've got some free time to bullshit around, i'm going to spend some time making a bracelet or 2 to add to my festival collection. it's a good, therapeutic technique to help me prepare for the day.
i tend to talk about work a lot on here. i think it'd be in the best interest of me and the viewers not having to read on all that babble.
another morning of waking up before sunrise. not really sure why my body is doing this cycle. but it's obviously for a reason. perhaps to enjoy every second of the day as i can, or needing to keep sunlight in my life at the moment (especially during the winter days, long nights). i really don't mind it a bit at all. yes, i do get tired as the day goes on, but no more than if i was to sleep until 9:00 or something. but really, i seem to be getting more energy and "umph" out of my self. that's what i'm talking about.
i'm going into today with an amazing attitude and energy that will def bring the day to a better and happier place. that's my goal at least. i need to quit taking things SOO damn seriously. i'm sorry, but i enjoy myself a lot more when i'm light-hearted and laid back. not super serious and overwhelming. i mean, who really likes anyone like that?
As the morning as come to day light, i'm thoroughly enjoying my hot tea indulgment and relaxing to my grateful dead pandora station. they have a good collection of artist that come along on that pandora station. i highly recommend it.
now that i've got some free time to bullshit around, i'm going to spend some time making a bracelet or 2 to add to my festival collection. it's a good, therapeutic technique to help me prepare for the day.
i am currently studying chakras and auras (something i've known of my whole life), but i'm starting all over in attempt to align my chakras and be better and whole as an entity. to start the transformation, one must start with the "root chakra". i love the meditation and yoga that comes along with this new book i bought. but one thing i really like are the affirmations that comes along with each chakra, to help place the seed there better and sprout into a beautiful.
the first (root) chakra affirmations
my body is becoming more important to me. I nurture it constantly.
i am taking responsibility for my life. i can cope with any situation.
i recognize the abundance of love, trust, and care surrounding me.
My internal mother is always here for me, protecting, nourishing, and soothing me.
I deserve the best that life has to offer. My needs are always met.
i am connected to Mother Earth and know the security of being grounded in reality, at this moment.
my body is becoming more important to me. I nurture it constantly.
i am taking responsibility for my life. i can cope with any situation.
i recognize the abundance of love, trust, and care surrounding me.
My internal mother is always here for me, protecting, nourishing, and soothing me.
I deserve the best that life has to offer. My needs are always met.
i am connected to Mother Earth and know the security of being grounded in reality, at this moment.
Osho on happiness.
"Just look: happiness, unhappiness, sadness, joy, they come and go, they are beggars around you. The witnessing remains the very center, uncaused, unchanging, one. Seek that within you and then everything becomes clear. When you are clear within, everything is transparent. The truth is everywhere around you, only you have to become one."
- Saturday, 12/10/11
hear i am, awake super early in the morning. i just CANNOT sleep in anymore. my mom says me be sick is probably due to my lack of rest, but honestly, i sleep well, i just happen to get up well before dawn. i never used to do that. if i didn't have to work until 11... i would sleep in as late as possible until i had to roll out of bed to get ready for work. but i'm past all of this, i kind of look forward my morning of relaxation, hot tea, and music. 3 very valuable things to me. i adore relaxation and being able to take my time (with no hurry involved, whatsoever), i love my black hot tea in the morning, i don't know where i'd be without with dose(s)... yes, doses of black and green tea. and of course i love my music. i have way to big of a collection to let them sit there, so i decide to celebrate music on an everyday music. hah. my playlist is a god-send, and it spiritually and mentally puts me in a ready "let's go" attitude for work.
Funny thing is, i woke up and went downstairs to start making a kettle of hot tea, yes, it was 5:15 in the morning, but i had slept 8 hours and i'm truly starting to feel better... but i guess i woke my mom up, and to say the lease. she wasn't too happy. i know i woke her up, but i can't help it if i wake up early. i could lay in bed and toss and turn until my alarm goes off. but that's not a satisfying way to wake up. i (again) hate being rushed. i like to take my own pace and start the day off smooth and raring to go. nothing wrong with that. sorry that i wake up too early. nothing's wrong with me... i just want to absorb as much sun of the day as possible. besides, it's never a bad thing to watch the sun rise. it's actually a beautiful thing. a promise of a new day and a promise of something worth living for. amen.
i am feeling a lot better today. my funk has started to go away, and that's A+ ok with me :) i still feel a little sickness, but compared to the past couple of day (especially yesterday), i feel like i'm slowly getting back to myself. which i like, bc i tend to have great days and optimism when i feel good. today is going to be a good day. i'm certain of it.
Funny thing is, i woke up and went downstairs to start making a kettle of hot tea, yes, it was 5:15 in the morning, but i had slept 8 hours and i'm truly starting to feel better... but i guess i woke my mom up, and to say the lease. she wasn't too happy. i know i woke her up, but i can't help it if i wake up early. i could lay in bed and toss and turn until my alarm goes off. but that's not a satisfying way to wake up. i (again) hate being rushed. i like to take my own pace and start the day off smooth and raring to go. nothing wrong with that. sorry that i wake up too early. nothing's wrong with me... i just want to absorb as much sun of the day as possible. besides, it's never a bad thing to watch the sun rise. it's actually a beautiful thing. a promise of a new day and a promise of something worth living for. amen.
i am feeling a lot better today. my funk has started to go away, and that's A+ ok with me :) i still feel a little sickness, but compared to the past couple of day (especially yesterday), i feel like i'm slowly getting back to myself. which i like, bc i tend to have great days and optimism when i feel good. today is going to be a good day. i'm certain of it.
Quote of the Day."Only understanding flowers, never depression, and if you cannot flower, existence is not going to shower flowers on you. Existence simply responds to you: whatsoever you are, existence gives you more of that. If you have many flowers within your being flowering, a million times more flowers will shower on you. If you have a deep depression, the existence helps that too — a million times more depression will come to you. Whatsoever you are will knock at your door. Whatsoever you are will be given to you more and more." - Osho
Osho is a marvelous example of what we need in this world. his spiritual nature is inspiring. |
Joke of the day.Q. Your riding a horse at full speed, a giraffe is beside you, an elephant in front of you and a lion behind you! What do you do???
A. You get your drunk ass off of the carousel !!! |
- Friday, 12/9/11
i'm going to be honest, i really have been feeling down the past couple of days. i'm guessing it has something with me being ill... but i really hope it passes. i miss my spunkiness a lot, though i am still keeping positive energy surrounding me. and i'm going to stop taking work so seriously. it truly overwhelms me, and i don't like it a bit. having so many responsibilities. but i can't let that get the best of me. i will overcome this funk, and stress, and put it all away out of my life. i need to mediate on making the negativity leave me, and making the positivity come back into my life. that is what my goal is today. be happy, stress-free, and positive. that's my story and i'm sticking to it. :)
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so, i went into work, was there about 3 hours, then my boss pretty much told me it was cool with him if i wanted to leave. thank goodness. i just feel so bad. and i can't take over the counter cold/flu/cough/congested everthing. blah. i'm spending the day, laying ing bed and watching movies. maybe a book read here and there. but i'm FOR SURE going to take it easy. hot tea, blanket, and laptop ready to go keep me company while i'm under the weather.
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so, after a nap (which seemed like a good idea), i ended up feelliing worse off. i hate naps especially like that; they just aren't beneficial. especially when you are needed to rest and nap since you're ill... but no, this girl's gotta stay awake. boo.
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so, i went into work, was there about 3 hours, then my boss pretty much told me it was cool with him if i wanted to leave. thank goodness. i just feel so bad. and i can't take over the counter cold/flu/cough/congested everthing. blah. i'm spending the day, laying ing bed and watching movies. maybe a book read here and there. but i'm FOR SURE going to take it easy. hot tea, blanket, and laptop ready to go keep me company while i'm under the weather.
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so, after a nap (which seemed like a good idea), i ended up feelliing worse off. i hate naps especially like that; they just aren't beneficial. especially when you are needed to rest and nap since you're ill... but no, this girl's gotta stay awake. boo.
- Thursday. 12/8/11
Joke of the day."As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!". (haha, degrading women jokes are funny.) |
Osho teachings."A really spiritual person will live life as an art, will create a deep harmony between the body and the consciousness. And this is the greatest art there is. His life will be a joy to see. And he will be fragrant, for the sheer reason that there is no split in his being. The very unity makes him organic; the wound of division is healed."
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- Thursday, 12/8/11
i'm so glad to have the day off. finally some more "me" time, but unfortunately i'm still under the weather... but there is no way in hell i'm going to let that ruin my day off. it's supposed to be a mostly sunny day, so i'm going to do everything i can to soak up some of the beautiful sun rays.
the other thing i have going on is a meeting mid-day, but besides that, i am completely free today. i love knowing and enjoying that feeling. it truly is a sigh of breath air, indeed.
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so, as the day has gone on, it turned to be quite nice. i had a meeting i was dreading, but it was quick and to the point (thanks to me for instigating that). heh. but after coming home and unwinding. i really have really loved having my morning wake-up and hang out thing, and at night, i set aside time for "unwiding". it really does help me feel better. i'm tired of having to be rushed (which, makes my anxiousness ever worse). so i like to do things at my own pace. it makes life for enjoyable living without the rush of the world. make time for yourself. make some time to "unwind" or "reenergized". it really does help. great for morning (reenergized) and great for evening "unwind.
it has really been helping me lately, especially with sleeping. i was rarely sleeping some time ago, and it literally ran me dry. i had to get some type of help for the lack of sleep. and the "unwind" (i hate to use the world ritual, but i'm going to anyway) ritual. please let me know how it works for you. try it out, let me know... and give me feebback (via home, yo... comment at the bottom). jackpot.
the other thing i have going on is a meeting mid-day, but besides that, i am completely free today. i love knowing and enjoying that feeling. it truly is a sigh of breath air, indeed.
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so, as the day has gone on, it turned to be quite nice. i had a meeting i was dreading, but it was quick and to the point (thanks to me for instigating that). heh. but after coming home and unwinding. i really have really loved having my morning wake-up and hang out thing, and at night, i set aside time for "unwiding". it really does help me feel better. i'm tired of having to be rushed (which, makes my anxiousness ever worse). so i like to do things at my own pace. it makes life for enjoyable living without the rush of the world. make time for yourself. make some time to "unwind" or "reenergized". it really does help. great for morning (reenergized) and great for evening "unwind.
it has really been helping me lately, especially with sleeping. i was rarely sleeping some time ago, and it literally ran me dry. i had to get some type of help for the lack of sleep. and the "unwind" (i hate to use the world ritual, but i'm going to anyway) ritual. please let me know how it works for you. try it out, let me know... and give me feebback (via home, yo... comment at the bottom). jackpot.
- Wednesday, 12/7/11
had a great day off yesterday. but despite my wishes, i was unable to shake this funk i have going on in my body. i hate when my body feels at war with itself. lets hope this shit passes, and SOON.
last night i spent some time with some wonderful company at their place, and enjoyed small talk, holiday music, glee (which, sorry, i couldn't participate watching, hah), and some wonderfully brewed hot tea. so flavorful, you didn't have to add any additives. it was wonderful. the roommates had put up their christmas decor, so to my surprise when i arrived was a living room decorated with holiday spirit. it was oh so wonderful to be around that cozy apartment with the decorations like my old apartment used to have. it made me reminise on my old apartment and the christmas cheer i used to decorate in that small hole-in-the-wall place. here's a picture i took on photobooth of their adorable (not to mention, it's fake, looks adorable, and emits heat) fireplace.
last night i spent some time with some wonderful company at their place, and enjoyed small talk, holiday music, glee (which, sorry, i couldn't participate watching, hah), and some wonderfully brewed hot tea. so flavorful, you didn't have to add any additives. it was wonderful. the roommates had put up their christmas decor, so to my surprise when i arrived was a living room decorated with holiday spirit. it was oh so wonderful to be around that cozy apartment with the decorations like my old apartment used to have. it made me reminise on my old apartment and the christmas cheer i used to decorate in that small hole-in-the-wall place. here's a picture i took on photobooth of their adorable (not to mention, it's fake, looks adorable, and emits heat) fireplace.
i really do need to start living my life as it is my last day. lately going into work has made me dreary, and not looking forward to the day. but i was so good about that for so long. i don't want to base my happiness or sadness on a job. i have just trained my mind into thinking the day will be long, hard, and sometimes boring. but i should beat off that mind path i have created. i need to not take it so seriously. i need to go back to having fun, feeling high spirited, and not trapped in "that mindset" that it's going to be "just another day". i refuse to live life like that. i will take everything in, and appreciate it for whatever i can, bc it was and is supposed to happen for a reason, so i'm going to quick "sulking" in chaos and rejoin the happiness mobile. enough said, yo. let's see how with that mentality... just how my day goes. sick or not. i will bring happiness, not search for happiness.
- Tuesday, 12/6/11
i'll admit, i'm truly under the weather today. not so much emotionally, but physically. my body is just achey and full of funk. i hate when i get this sickness. it always seems to come around this time of year. but i do have the day off, and very few errands to run, so i'll be able to relax and blast this ickiness away.
i got a new book called "the book of chakra healing", and i intend on reading some of that insightful, delightful, book. i know much of the topic, but i got 2 new books to help me dive and develop more on my knowledge and perhaps enlighten me more. i'd adore that. most of the things i've been reading, have read, have done, has truly enlightened me lately, and i truly want to continue on this path.
i got a new book called "the book of chakra healing", and i intend on reading some of that insightful, delightful, book. i know much of the topic, but i got 2 new books to help me dive and develop more on my knowledge and perhaps enlighten me more. i'd adore that. most of the things i've been reading, have read, have done, has truly enlightened me lately, and i truly want to continue on this path.
in addition to my things-to-do list today, i'm also going to throw in some jewelry making and perhaps working on my historic buddha painting series. i have so many ideas for this series, but i guess since i can only do it during my free time, it'll be a series that will go on for a while. i kind of want it to be like my "I Am" photo series. just a continuous project that keeps my mind working and my creativity flowing. gotta love brain stimulation and creative outlets. such a wonderful combo.
- Monday, 12/5/11
i woke up this morning with a gross funk in my nose and throat. smoking a cig in the morning didn't help at all either, but wow. i'm not feeling too top notch. i really hope this grossness fades off in time before i head into work today. but that's like 4 hours from now, so, i'm hopeful. just going to drink the hell out of some of my beloved hot tea, and relax and enjoy my "beginning of the day" festivities.
by festivities, i am referring to my slow and steady process of getting ready for the day. i DESPISE being rush in the morning to get up and adam and run out the door for work. it adds way too much unnecessary negative stress to the whole awakening process. i like to take my time. shower, sit around on the computer, drink some tea, smoke cigs (here and there), get my "black death attire" on for work, add my flare, and mentally and spiritually prepare myself for the day that's to unfold. i really do love a smooth rolling morning. fuck that rushing shit. that's a horrible wake-up call.
as of the past few nights after getting off work, i have come home and been total lazy bones. i don't like that habit. i want to come home and release my creative self. i need need need it so much, and i can tell the next morning when i don't have any creative outlet the night before. i feel unsatisfied. i need that really bad in my life, and since i've brought that aspect back into my life, i feel like i'm becoming more and more complete. self love and all. it's a great pass time that i need to be apart of... and i guess this will be my "pre-new year's resolution" is to be a creative outlet on a daily basis. no matter what. it really does even me out and gives me the feeling of being whole. sounds good, right? i concur.
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so, as the day went on and on. i started feeling really under the weather. i woke up having some gross funky feeling going on, but i thought i'd shake it before heading to work. but once i got to work, i was just about worthless. my sweet manager said i could go on and leave early, and even make up the hours another time. i thought that was pretty cool of him.
i am feeling so under the weather physically, but i really couldn't really tell you exactly WHY i feel so gross. i have the aches and pain, with a sore throat, and blah blah blah, but there's actually an even longer list of things. but with my medications i take, i can't really take any otc drugs for being "under the weather". super sucks. but hopefully being able to leave early from work today, and then having tomorrow off, i will feel rested and ready to go.
by festivities, i am referring to my slow and steady process of getting ready for the day. i DESPISE being rush in the morning to get up and adam and run out the door for work. it adds way too much unnecessary negative stress to the whole awakening process. i like to take my time. shower, sit around on the computer, drink some tea, smoke cigs (here and there), get my "black death attire" on for work, add my flare, and mentally and spiritually prepare myself for the day that's to unfold. i really do love a smooth rolling morning. fuck that rushing shit. that's a horrible wake-up call.
as of the past few nights after getting off work, i have come home and been total lazy bones. i don't like that habit. i want to come home and release my creative self. i need need need it so much, and i can tell the next morning when i don't have any creative outlet the night before. i feel unsatisfied. i need that really bad in my life, and since i've brought that aspect back into my life, i feel like i'm becoming more and more complete. self love and all. it's a great pass time that i need to be apart of... and i guess this will be my "pre-new year's resolution" is to be a creative outlet on a daily basis. no matter what. it really does even me out and gives me the feeling of being whole. sounds good, right? i concur.
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so, as the day went on and on. i started feeling really under the weather. i woke up having some gross funky feeling going on, but i thought i'd shake it before heading to work. but once i got to work, i was just about worthless. my sweet manager said i could go on and leave early, and even make up the hours another time. i thought that was pretty cool of him.
i am feeling so under the weather physically, but i really couldn't really tell you exactly WHY i feel so gross. i have the aches and pain, with a sore throat, and blah blah blah, but there's actually an even longer list of things. but with my medications i take, i can't really take any otc drugs for being "under the weather". super sucks. but hopefully being able to leave early from work today, and then having tomorrow off, i will feel rested and ready to go.
- Sunday, 12/4/11
oh sunday. i'm getting to work early 2 hours early today to do some return shipments. with my back and neck pain, it really is quite a different task. it's simple and easy, but i know i'll be uber sore as the day goes on. but this weekend has been a smooth sailing breeze when it comes to work. i love busy days. it mays the time fly by, and i love being able to talk and help so many people. rarely do i have to talk and help someone who is in a bad mood. and i think that's bc of energy emits so much positivity, that is repels any negative.
i truly feel i'm making a wonderful path on my spirituality. i am finding love and joy within myself, as well as with others, and the world i live in. it truly is a beautiful place. we should love ourselves, others, and love that we have the opportunity to be alive today.
i truly feel i'm making a wonderful path on my spirituality. i am finding love and joy within myself, as well as with others, and the world i live in. it truly is a beautiful place. we should love ourselves, others, and love that we have the opportunity to be alive today.
- Saturday, 12/3/11
today should be a great day for me. saturday's at my retail job tend to fly by (may get stressful at some points... but i can deal). i love saturdays, i truly do... and it's a shame to have to work. i guess i'm still set in my ways with having my own photography business. i set the times, set my schedules, etc. and i purposely never worked on saturdays. psychologically i just see it as a "day of fun". not sure why, but i guess it's just the day that everyone gets to do what they please and enjoy themselves (keep in mind... not the ones who are working on this day). but i will still enjoy conversing and helping others today. i mean hell, that's my job, right?
- Friday, 12/2/11
i had an amazing day off yesterday. probably one of the best i've had yet (besides the ones including photo ops and photo shoots. i solely spent it on me and enjoyed my solo time. then i headed to a friend's house and enjoyed the company of two dear friends. nothing like a day of fellowship, and a titch of toy camera photographs. i got to go to my favorite coffee shop, which i truly loved as well. not to mention the weather yesterday left a huge smile oh my face with all the sun and beautiful weather. can't ask for a better day.
as for today, it's a friday so we should have a good day of business (which is a good thing). i like days where we are busy bc i get more people interaction and the times really fly by. i do love my job, but i also like when the day goes by fast. i like a fast pace day.
when i get home from work, time to make more and more hemp jewelry for my festival collection. i have the best beads and have so many choices of styles and bead action that it truly makes me feel i am creating art. it's really therapeutic activity... i always enjoy crafts like that. a great down time funness.
as for today, it's a friday so we should have a good day of business (which is a good thing). i like days where we are busy bc i get more people interaction and the times really fly by. i do love my job, but i also like when the day goes by fast. i like a fast pace day.
when i get home from work, time to make more and more hemp jewelry for my festival collection. i have the best beads and have so many choices of styles and bead action that it truly makes me feel i am creating art. it's really therapeutic activity... i always enjoy crafts like that. a great down time funness.
- Thursday, 12/1/11
last night i was terribly anxious and pretty blah, so i was in desperate need of some relaxation and meditation. i could have truly used the company of some friends... but it just sucks that everyone's schedules are so different. but it happens these days. it's called "having jobs". don't you just hate that?
as for today, i get to enjoy a day off. i'm excited to be able to rock some "flare" and wander around tomorrow. if it wasn't go cold, i'd really enjoy going to the park and taking in some of nature's beauty, even if solo. i miss having my nature time. i truly thrive in nature and the outdoors. it's so much better than being pent up in a house all day. i may have to take an adventure to the west side of town to my favorite stone/crystal shop and then hit up my favorite coffee shop. and while out and about take some wonderful photos with my 120 film that i found recently. i'm still SO happy i came across my bulk film collection. i'm sorry, but i will always be a film girl. i enjoy the easy "digital" scene. but it's predictable and doesn't have the classic and unpredictable aspect of film that truly has made it my die hard passion. toy camera or not. i will use film in anything. it's a dying art, but there are a select group of photographers out there that keep it alive. and i love that. keep the art alive.
i'm so happy today will be a mostly sunny day, with a somewhat warm temperature. i will be able to roam around a photograph, and not freeze my ass off. once i'm done running my errands and get done being out and about, i'm dedicating the rest of my day to photoshop, and making my jewelry for festivals. what a great day ahead.
as for today, i get to enjoy a day off. i'm excited to be able to rock some "flare" and wander around tomorrow. if it wasn't go cold, i'd really enjoy going to the park and taking in some of nature's beauty, even if solo. i miss having my nature time. i truly thrive in nature and the outdoors. it's so much better than being pent up in a house all day. i may have to take an adventure to the west side of town to my favorite stone/crystal shop and then hit up my favorite coffee shop. and while out and about take some wonderful photos with my 120 film that i found recently. i'm still SO happy i came across my bulk film collection. i'm sorry, but i will always be a film girl. i enjoy the easy "digital" scene. but it's predictable and doesn't have the classic and unpredictable aspect of film that truly has made it my die hard passion. toy camera or not. i will use film in anything. it's a dying art, but there are a select group of photographers out there that keep it alive. and i love that. keep the art alive.
i'm so happy today will be a mostly sunny day, with a somewhat warm temperature. i will be able to roam around a photograph, and not freeze my ass off. once i'm done running my errands and get done being out and about, i'm dedicating the rest of my day to photoshop, and making my jewelry for festivals. what a great day ahead.
Passages from one of my meditation books.
this is an excerpt from one of my books regarding the symbolism of the changing of the seasons and how meditation is a great concept to consider during this. and since it is close to winter, i figured i'd quote it. i found it really amazing. please read. k, thanks.
"we humans seem to have an annual cycle which mimics the cycle of our planet. We go through a dormant winter, dreaming to choose the seeds to plant in our lives' gardens. We plant those seeds, and as they germinate they bring an experience of emotional uncertainty as we wonder which will sprout within our lives...
Winter: A Time to Dream
stretch out luxuriously into a state of relaxation, opening your physical body to free-flowing energy, will, and power. Toes stretch out and go limp with relaxation; fingers uncurl and release your force into the environment surrounding you. Your inner observer awakes and begins to notice your body breathing. The nostrils flare as they draw in the life-producing air, with oxygen feeding each cell within your body. the exhalation releases toxins and disease from each one of those cells. and the being who is the "I" within you watches this interchange between your body and the environment. peace, calm, and acceptance seep into your relaxed, open, flowing body. who are you? what do you want? what do you want to do? who do you want to be? let your awareness sink deeper and deeper into yourself. This is a new year, a new beginning, a time of great promise and excitement, the seeding time of the year when dreams are spun. How do you want this year to unfold for you in your personal spiritual journey? relax your mind; do not forceably look for answers. Listen to yourself. wait, watch, attune yourself to what is yearning to manifest in your life. resting against the earth, feel yourself floating into a brand new space, entirely open to new dreams and new plans. As you take in another breath, follow it with your awareness as it draws you deeper inside yourself. let yourself travel with your imaginations deeply into your mind. let that imagination loose to dream. release any of your ordinary mind "sets". set aside all of those restrictions you habitually have placed upon yourself, all of the things you usually say and think that limit who you are, what you can do, who you can become. expand out of your past patterns, letting loose all of the old, safe, familiar attitudes. as you float deeper into your mind, feel yourself expanding. experience with your imagination a stretching, daring, soaring feeling exploding within you. stretch into a brand-new concept of yourself. let yourself dream! what far-out things can you imagine yourself doing this year? what adventures can you imagination create? what marvels can your mind, creativity, and will intend to manifest?"
- helen mcmahan
i just love this meditation idea. it's perfect for this time of year and the renewal of your spirit as the year comes to a close and starts anew. i hope you find this meditation technique helpful on your journey to starting a new you as the new year comes our way. remember to practice a relaxing meditation before diving into this intense soul-renewing meditation. its amazingly beautiful and i am going to keep practicing it to really help me. i recommend you do the same.
"we humans seem to have an annual cycle which mimics the cycle of our planet. We go through a dormant winter, dreaming to choose the seeds to plant in our lives' gardens. We plant those seeds, and as they germinate they bring an experience of emotional uncertainty as we wonder which will sprout within our lives...
Winter: A Time to Dream
stretch out luxuriously into a state of relaxation, opening your physical body to free-flowing energy, will, and power. Toes stretch out and go limp with relaxation; fingers uncurl and release your force into the environment surrounding you. Your inner observer awakes and begins to notice your body breathing. The nostrils flare as they draw in the life-producing air, with oxygen feeding each cell within your body. the exhalation releases toxins and disease from each one of those cells. and the being who is the "I" within you watches this interchange between your body and the environment. peace, calm, and acceptance seep into your relaxed, open, flowing body. who are you? what do you want? what do you want to do? who do you want to be? let your awareness sink deeper and deeper into yourself. This is a new year, a new beginning, a time of great promise and excitement, the seeding time of the year when dreams are spun. How do you want this year to unfold for you in your personal spiritual journey? relax your mind; do not forceably look for answers. Listen to yourself. wait, watch, attune yourself to what is yearning to manifest in your life. resting against the earth, feel yourself floating into a brand new space, entirely open to new dreams and new plans. As you take in another breath, follow it with your awareness as it draws you deeper inside yourself. let yourself travel with your imaginations deeply into your mind. let that imagination loose to dream. release any of your ordinary mind "sets". set aside all of those restrictions you habitually have placed upon yourself, all of the things you usually say and think that limit who you are, what you can do, who you can become. expand out of your past patterns, letting loose all of the old, safe, familiar attitudes. as you float deeper into your mind, feel yourself expanding. experience with your imagination a stretching, daring, soaring feeling exploding within you. stretch into a brand-new concept of yourself. let yourself dream! what far-out things can you imagine yourself doing this year? what adventures can you imagination create? what marvels can your mind, creativity, and will intend to manifest?"
- helen mcmahan
i just love this meditation idea. it's perfect for this time of year and the renewal of your spirit as the year comes to a close and starts anew. i hope you find this meditation technique helpful on your journey to starting a new you as the new year comes our way. remember to practice a relaxing meditation before diving into this intense soul-renewing meditation. its amazingly beautiful and i am going to keep practicing it to really help me. i recommend you do the same.
- Monday, 11/28/11
yesterday at work, i sold something to this woman, and she went to the counter and told my manager "the girl with the star sticker under her eye really helped me out". damn right she remembered me bc of my eye decor. my manager told me that, and i said "see, that's why i should be allowed to wear stuff like this, ppl won't forget me,". and honestly, that's what i love ab my style. my flare screams "you won't forget this bitch".
i was offered a possible promotion at work yesterday. not really sure what i want to do, i'm a bit overwhelmed by the idea and outcome from it. but i'm going to continue meditating of the issue at hand, and think as to what would be best for me and my existence. we shall see.
i was offered a possible promotion at work yesterday. not really sure what i want to do, i'm a bit overwhelmed by the idea and outcome from it. but i'm going to continue meditating of the issue at hand, and think as to what would be best for me and my existence. we shall see.
Courage.
"Remember, you can know much about love, but that cannot help to know love. Love can be known only by loving. It means you have to move into love without knowing anything about it. That’s why it needs courage. You have to move in the dark, with no map, nobody to guide, not even a torch. You have to move in the dark not knowing where you are moving, not knowing whether you are on the right track or not, not knowing whether you will find the path or you will fall in a ditch and be lost forever. This is the courage." - Osho
- Sunday, 11/27/11
today, i'm opening with my manager 2 hours early since it's sunday, and i'm assuming we are going to work on this week's paperwork, so figure out numbers compared to last years. i'm totally a right-brained person (art and english), and soooo far away from being left-brained (math and science), so i'm going to need him to hold my hand during this complicated math process. i've gone through the process before, but i wasn't able to really do it myself. but i think with time, i'll be able to figure it out. i mean hell, i did get all the way to trig/pre-cal in high school. but keep in mind, that was almost 10 years ago. hah (ewww, that's weird to think it's been that long. reminds me of my age, but i've learned you are only as old as you feel... and i'm still in my early 20's when it comes to my spirit, even though i'm creeping up on my 26th bday. and in no way to i think that's an old age. it just sounds weird to me, that high school was so long ago. weird to the max.
- Saturday, 11/26/11
i'm a big girl today, and get to open the retail store alone today. this is awesome and not so awesome at the same time, bc the mall is opening earlier than normal bc of the holiday sales... so i have to get up earlier than i'd like, but then it'll be pretty busy bc of the crowds. and i think i'll be the only one there for about an hour or 2. let's hope its not out of control busy. for serious.
- BLACK Friday, 11/25/11
not looking forward to being the opener at work today, but i'll have a very helpful co-worker with me, so that'll make things go a lot more smoothly. but unfortunately, neither of us has ever opened together, let alone ALONE without the manager, or on the terrible retail day of black friday. i'll be in charge of getting things up and going but THANK GOODNESS, my co-worker will be there as a helpful support system. good thing we don't have any door-opener sales. let alone, any sales for that matter. our prices are the same as they would be on any other day... but that won't keep people out of the store just to "browse". when i got the job as 2nd assistant manager, my manager told me that it is common for us to be slow until around 10 to 11. which means, 6 to 7 hours of bullshitting just getting things done and "in order" for the rest of the day. and thankfully i get off work at 12:30. i'll post after work to vent/rant (hopefully not, though) about how my day unfolds.
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now i'm up and adam. running on black tea, since i got such a small amount of sleep last night. i'm taking some additional caffeine to work with me today, bc i'm afraid as the day goes on, i'll be running on empty. let's hope not. but i sure will be looking forward to a nap after work. it'll be oh so nice, and necessary.
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what a day! everything went great, i was tired as hell, only getting 1 hour of sleep last night, but wow. the day flew by. a select few employees really stepped up and did an amazing job making this crazy shopping day go smoothly. it truly makes me grateful to have a team like that at work. and man oh man, when i got home... i took the best nap i've have in ages. it was the equivalent of a coma. mew mew :)
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now i'm up and adam. running on black tea, since i got such a small amount of sleep last night. i'm taking some additional caffeine to work with me today, bc i'm afraid as the day goes on, i'll be running on empty. let's hope not. but i sure will be looking forward to a nap after work. it'll be oh so nice, and necessary.
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what a day! everything went great, i was tired as hell, only getting 1 hour of sleep last night, but wow. the day flew by. a select few employees really stepped up and did an amazing job making this crazy shopping day go smoothly. it truly makes me grateful to have a team like that at work. and man oh man, when i got home... i took the best nap i've have in ages. it was the equivalent of a coma. mew mew :)
First off, Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.
remember what you are thankful and grateful for. that is truly what the spirit is on this day. yes, we should be thankful for everything we have every day... but today is the day that you undeniably should count your blessings. ok, my rant is complete. have a beautiful day, to all.
- Thursday, 11/24/11
Just an idea i had, thought i'd share a simple/basic meditation technique that i think could enlighten someone who is in need of a relief of stress or just needs time to themselves to sort out their balance. it is truly simple, and honestly, most of us do it on a daily basis anyway, but do this basic technique to truly focus on yourself and nothing else.
sit or lie quietly. begin with your feet and relax your body all the way to the top of your head. this will truly help you relax physically and mentally. use meditation music as a background or focal point. be either in a lying-down or comfortable, sitting position. either way, make sure your back is straight, bc energy travels through the spine and it needs to have free passage. tune in to the music, be "one" with it. let any thoughts or feelings just pass right by. Don't get caught in them or have the feeling you have to push them away. just be and let be. listen to the sounds of the music. how many sounds can you hear? how many can you hear at once? this will help you relax, yet help with your inner alertness. give it a try.
don't have meditation music? youtube or pandora it, and you'll find something that suits your needs. i have quite a collection myself, and just put it on shuffle... and tune in, and drop out.
sit or lie quietly. begin with your feet and relax your body all the way to the top of your head. this will truly help you relax physically and mentally. use meditation music as a background or focal point. be either in a lying-down or comfortable, sitting position. either way, make sure your back is straight, bc energy travels through the spine and it needs to have free passage. tune in to the music, be "one" with it. let any thoughts or feelings just pass right by. Don't get caught in them or have the feeling you have to push them away. just be and let be. listen to the sounds of the music. how many sounds can you hear? how many can you hear at once? this will help you relax, yet help with your inner alertness. give it a try.
don't have meditation music? youtube or pandora it, and you'll find something that suits your needs. i have quite a collection myself, and just put it on shuffle... and tune in, and drop out.
- Wednesday, 11/23/11
today's goal: continue making hemp jewelry for festivals to hand out/sell/barder with. and make a new addition to my flower hat collection for my music festival hopping ways (bc my other's have done their time and bless them all, rest in peace. michael's and hobby lobby, here i come!!!
Quotes of the day."It's not a question of learning much... On the contrary. It's a question of unlearning much."
"This is the Zen approach: nothing is there to be done. There is nothing to do. One has just to be. Have a rest and be ordinary and be natural." "Happiness is a shadow of harmony; it follows harmony. There is no other way to be happy." |
Blast from the past photo. |
[... written tuesday (11/21/11) night. but published today.]
i am really in the mood for meditation. i feel it would really help me out after a day like today. i don't want to call it a "bad" day, but it was just an overall "mushy" day. yes, mushy. i felt fine, but felt disconnected from who i was and the things that were going on around me. not drug induced (of course), hah. i just didn't like the way i felt, and i want to cleanse myself and find the root of the issue. hence, meditation. it helps me focus within. finding peace and contentment within. i really do need it badly. i'm learning so much about it through books, blogs, websites, and others who practice it. i feel it came into my life for a reason, and i want to use the opportunity to invest some quality time within my soul and being.
i am really in the mood for meditation. i feel it would really help me out after a day like today. i don't want to call it a "bad" day, but it was just an overall "mushy" day. yes, mushy. i felt fine, but felt disconnected from who i was and the things that were going on around me. not drug induced (of course), hah. i just didn't like the way i felt, and i want to cleanse myself and find the root of the issue. hence, meditation. it helps me focus within. finding peace and contentment within. i really do need it badly. i'm learning so much about it through books, blogs, websites, and others who practice it. i feel it came into my life for a reason, and i want to use the opportunity to invest some quality time within my soul and being.
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[... wednesday morning, tune in.]
so, as i mentioned in my post from last night, i dove into some meditation last night before bed. i've really been practicing and reading and studying it. i found this new technique that really blew my mind. in the chapter, it discussed a method that could literally make you feel as though you are floating and give you chills. and sure enough, after about 30 minutes of relaxing and tuning into the energy, i got to the most intense moment i've ever experienced while meditating. it was absolutely amazing. such a beautiful moment. its moments like that that keep me in the practice. for so long in the past, i never saw the benefits or the meaning to practicing meditation, but damn... lately, it's been blowing me away and truly making me see my soul and my energy, as well as other benefits. it keeps me balanced, spiritually, mentally, and physically.
just thought i'd share my experience, bc honestly, i'd really like to help my friends and loved ones experience the peace i've found recently. i feel it will continue to mold my being, and i'd love to help get those who are interested on the right path. whether it's me guiding them through it, recommending books to them, sending them meditation exercises via facebook, or sending them to sites of the topic that i've felt most beneficial. if anyone is interested, please let me know :)
Lyrics worth sharing.
"And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round"
- The Flaming Lips, "Do You Realize?"
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round"
- The Flaming Lips, "Do You Realize?"
wonderfully great points.
- Tuesday, 11/22/11
Horoscope.A heightened sense of ambition might have you developing your writing skills today. This could mean learning technical or creative writing. Either way, if you've been thinking about it, this is an excellent time to take a course or jump in and do it. Books on the subject as well as talks with those experienced in these matters could help.
let's see how this goes. writing? not sure. creativity? let's hope. |
Quotes of the day.Great Inspirations. "Real preparation consists in digging something out of yourself, in assembling and arranging your own thoughts, in cherishing and nurturing your own convictions." "Get started-and you've already jumped the highest hurdle in most tasks." "Stop expecting others to read your mind, to know what you want and need, and to satisfy your unspoken expectations. Stop waiting for people to complete you. " "It is never easy to turn back the clock. It is almost impossible to turn back the calendar." |
- Monday, 11/21/11
great pay at my new position at my retail job, but daaaammmmnnn, the learning process of paper work has just begun. its going to be insane learning all that shit over the next week. let us see how that goes.
despite the yucky weather, today was pleasant. i'm continuing working on my inner happiness and working on my creative outlets. it's purely therapeutic. it's funny how i've been longing so long to find happiness and love. which i have found both, but in that long process (or so it seems), i have found SO much more. and this time it really is from within. what a beautiful thing. art, music, meditation, what-have-you... everything has turned out to really shine new light into my life. and though i may still be on medicine for my depression and anxiety, i feel those are solely chemical imbalances i was born with have now have somewhat control over. and with the help of these new outlets in my life, i have truly found a beautiful outlook on life itself. rambling on, i know. but you can't learn to love and appreciate things until you love and appreciate yourself. and slowly i'm doing just that. and yes, i'm bragging. bc i feel i have worked hard enough this life to find it. and damn it, i have it. and SO much more. what a grateful girl i've become.
despite the yucky weather, today was pleasant. i'm continuing working on my inner happiness and working on my creative outlets. it's purely therapeutic. it's funny how i've been longing so long to find happiness and love. which i have found both, but in that long process (or so it seems), i have found SO much more. and this time it really is from within. what a beautiful thing. art, music, meditation, what-have-you... everything has turned out to really shine new light into my life. and though i may still be on medicine for my depression and anxiety, i feel those are solely chemical imbalances i was born with have now have somewhat control over. and with the help of these new outlets in my life, i have truly found a beautiful outlook on life itself. rambling on, i know. but you can't learn to love and appreciate things until you love and appreciate yourself. and slowly i'm doing just that. and yes, i'm bragging. bc i feel i have worked hard enough this life to find it. and damn it, i have it. and SO much more. what a grateful girl i've become.
Jokes of the day."There was an old professor who started every class with a vulgar joke. After one particularly nasty joke, Two of the female students in the class decided to walk out on next the next joke.
The professor got wind of this plot, so the next morning he walked in and said, “Good morning, class. Did you hear the one about the shortage of hookers in Los Vegas?” With that, the two female students stood up and headed for the door. “Wait, ladies,” cried the professor. “The bus doesn’t leave until tomorrow!” - - - - - - - - - - "A total naked woman rushed in a taxi. The taxi driver turned back and stared at her so keenly.The woman asked the taxi driver, “Why are you staring at me that way, haven’t you ever seen a naked woman?” The taxi driver replied, “No, I just wonder where you have my money.” |
- Sunday, 11/20/11
Horoscope of the day."Information received today might make it possible for you to change your job, residence, or at least the way you think or operate. You might feel nervous at the prospect, but you'll pull it off all right. Don't be afraid to go with the flow and make changes. This is only one hurdle in the course of your personal development."
i truly need to go with the flow of things lately. i have a lot on my plate coming up, and i just need to remind myself to go with the flow. no matter what, or who stands in my way. |
Quotes."The two most common elements in the world are hydrogen and stupidity.
Don't drown the man who taught you to swim." "You only live once, but if you work it right, once is enough." "Alter your attitude and you can alter your life." |
Saturday, 11/19/11
Horoscope of the day."You may feel like your battery has run out of juice today. You may ask yourself if what you're doing is worth it. Don't despair. A friend will be along soon who can help give you a jump-start. Once you restart your engine, there will be no stopping you. Don't be afraid to flag someone down. No one will know you need help unless you ask for it."
in short, i'm ready and willing to take on this day, especially with the help of others :) |
Quote(s) of the Day. |
- Friday, 11/18/11
i woke up and couldn't believe it is already friday. its such a beautiful day, i need to get out of those weird funk i'm feeling. i'm sure as i wake up more and more, i'll get there. and by there, i mean, grateful for the day.
learning to close the store at work last night was a bit overwhelming, so tonight i've decided i'm going to take notes on how to do everything. it was just like BAM, all at once. i think ending on an overwhelming note last night might have followed me over to this morning (which makes sense why i'm all "blah").
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now, as the morning has turned to the afternoon, i am truly feeling better and i'm feeling excited for what the day brings. i love feeling this way. live for today, you never know what the future holds. so, live for each moment that you're blessed with. no matter what it may be, everything happens for a reason.
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today may have been stressful at work, but overall, it was a beautiful day. i felt so helpful and productive. i love that feeling. i took really good written notes tonight on how to close the store, and within a week, i'll be able to close the store on my own, boo yeah mother effers.
i truly feel i'm living life to the fullest lately, i just truly love what's unfolding. the present and the future are such wonderous things to appreciate and i feel i'm making that my top priority. why hold on to the past when you can truly live for what's to come. take note of that, and put it in your pocket. live for today, and be thankful for tomorrow.
learning to close the store at work last night was a bit overwhelming, so tonight i've decided i'm going to take notes on how to do everything. it was just like BAM, all at once. i think ending on an overwhelming note last night might have followed me over to this morning (which makes sense why i'm all "blah").
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now, as the morning has turned to the afternoon, i am truly feeling better and i'm feeling excited for what the day brings. i love feeling this way. live for today, you never know what the future holds. so, live for each moment that you're blessed with. no matter what it may be, everything happens for a reason.
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today may have been stressful at work, but overall, it was a beautiful day. i felt so helpful and productive. i love that feeling. i took really good written notes tonight on how to close the store, and within a week, i'll be able to close the store on my own, boo yeah mother effers.
i truly feel i'm living life to the fullest lately, i just truly love what's unfolding. the present and the future are such wonderous things to appreciate and i feel i'm making that my top priority. why hold on to the past when you can truly live for what's to come. take note of that, and put it in your pocket. live for today, and be thankful for tomorrow.
Quote of the Day.
“Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.”
- Thursday, 11/17/11
back to work today, getting trained to be full-time 2nd assistant manager. found my horoscope to be pretty right on, check it out.
Horoscope of the day.
"You may feel out of your league today. The good news is that thanks to your flexible, adaptable nature, any league can always become yours after you take the steps to work the crowd. Have patience and understanding as you learn a new set of rules and a new group of people with their own habits and behaviors"
hmmm. interesting and very true.
but i'm going to go into work today with such a positive spirit and energy that i will be able to take it all in. oh, and take over the world. true that.
hmmm. interesting and very true.
but i'm going to go into work today with such a positive spirit and energy that i will be able to take it all in. oh, and take over the world. true that.
Quotes of the day.
- "We were given: Two hands to hold. Two legs to walk. Two eyes to see. Two ears to listen. But why only one heart? Because the other was given to someone else. For us to find."
- "We were given: Two hands to hold. Two legs to walk. Two eyes to see. Two ears to listen. But why only one heart? Because the other was given to someone else. For us to find."
- "Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever."
- "We were given: Two hands to hold. Two legs to walk. Two eyes to see. Two ears to listen. But why only one heart? Because the other was given to someone else. For us to find."
- "Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever."
Wednesday, 11/16/11
another day off work, wooo hooo. that leaves me time to spend time with my music, my art, my cameras, and my friends. sounds like a great day of fulfillment.
Horoscope of the day.
"Finding the answers you seek is easier when you take a more adamant position about where you stand now and where you want to be later. If you continue to be uncertain and relaxed about which way to proceed, others may take advantage of you. You have the strength and power to fuel your desires. It's time to put these into effect."
this is so true for who i am right now as a person, i must stand strong, and i'm reassuring myself i have great strength and fuel to gain my desires in this life.
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Start a commotion, claire's got a promotion!
this is so true for who i am right now as a person, i must stand strong, and i'm reassuring myself i have great strength and fuel to gain my desires in this life.
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Start a commotion, claire's got a promotion!
i start training to be 2nd assistant manager tomorrow at my retail job. planning on going full time after the holidays (bc i'm in desperate need of health insurance). so, that means busy busy busy, but i'll still be doing my photography with Classic Creations by Claire Burton... just slowing it down during the winter months bc there's not too much business to be had.
i'm just really amazed that only being at the retail job for a week has already booted up to be at a higher status with the company. i'm really doing well not taking things too seriously, and learning to control being overwhelmed. i think i'm doing just fine, and this whole job thing will be fun. i'm going to keep it that way, stress-free and fun spirited. that's all i can do, right? indeed.
i'm just really amazed that only being at the retail job for a week has already booted up to be at a higher status with the company. i'm really doing well not taking things too seriously, and learning to control being overwhelmed. i think i'm doing just fine, and this whole job thing will be fun. i'm going to keep it that way, stress-free and fun spirited. that's all i can do, right? indeed.
- Tuesday, 11/15/11
i have the next two days off work. which is oh so nice. but today i am meeting with the district manager of my store to get the assistant manager position. i'm some what nervous to meet with him... just bc "word of mouth" said he could be really nice, or a total jerk. so, let's hope today he's having a good day. i had to search my closet hard to find something "conservative" to wear for the meeting, hah. quite a task, if you ask me. but i think i pulled off a have-way decent outfit. of course my purse is full of all my accessories that i'm going to attack my attire with as soon as the meeting is over. go figure.
while at the mall, i've decided i'm going to get my ears repierced. my split ears from wearing too having worn too heavy of earring for too long (go figure, me being an accessory whore. but i'm going to pierce both side of the lobes with little studs. lets show the before and after.
while at the mall, i've decided i'm going to get my ears repierced. my split ears from wearing too having worn too heavy of earring for too long (go figure, me being an accessory whore. but i'm going to pierce both side of the lobes with little studs. lets show the before and after.
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So, the meeting went good with the district manager. i'm just going to wait around to find out what he thinks and whatnot and what "title" i'll have at the job. it'll be after the holidays anyway to see what the outcome will be. let's just keep our fingers crossed :)
oh, and by the way... i got my split ears pierced. i'm loving it. bluish purple and pink studs on both sides. i don't care if you don't like it. i do.
So, the meeting went good with the district manager. i'm just going to wait around to find out what he thinks and whatnot and what "title" i'll have at the job. it'll be after the holidays anyway to see what the outcome will be. let's just keep our fingers crossed :)
oh, and by the way... i got my split ears pierced. i'm loving it. bluish purple and pink studs on both sides. i don't care if you don't like it. i do.
Quote of the day.
courtesy of my sweet little ashley. we always have the most amazing, enlightening conversations that truly make us realize how wonderful love, life, and happiness truly are... she sent me this via text.
"When we have achieved self love and accepting our wants and needs, we will be ready to give and receive love. When we've learned to stand on our own two feet, we're ready to stand next to someone."
what a wonderful quote to end the wonderful time we had chatting tonight.
"When we have achieved self love and accepting our wants and needs, we will be ready to give and receive love. When we've learned to stand on our own two feet, we're ready to stand next to someone."
what a wonderful quote to end the wonderful time we had chatting tonight.
- Monday, 11/14/11
oh so joyful i am to have tuesday and wednesday off this week. i'm sure i'll do some photo jobs and photo shop on those days... but to me, that's not work. it's my passion. and boy, i get to wear whatever the fuck i want. worrrrrd. i'm actually going to work a bit on my psychedelic historical buddha painting i've started. it's looking nice and i'll post once i'm done with it. so far, so good. but where shall i put it? only time will tell.
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before i sleep tonight, i plan on reading "Joy: The Happiness That Comes from Within" by Osho. its a perspective on insights for a new way of living. i'm excited to see how it goes. sounds like a great buy. and a much needed book to read while creating love and wholesomeness in my life from within.
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before i sleep tonight, i plan on reading "Joy: The Happiness That Comes from Within" by Osho. its a perspective on insights for a new way of living. i'm excited to see how it goes. sounds like a great buy. and a much needed book to read while creating love and wholesomeness in my life from within.
Quotes of the Day.
"Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."
"You cannot find peace by avoiding life."
"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending."
"You cannot find peace by avoiding life."
"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending."
what great quotes. life is a beautiful thing. i and everyone else should learn to love and live. it's the best advice, no matter what is to come our way.
- Sunday, 11/13/11
i miss my flip SO much. i'm really wanting and anticipating my visit to virginia.
Saturday, 11/12/11
Motivating Quotes for the day.
"Your imagination is your preview of life's coming attractions." - Albert Einstein
"Far away in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead." - Louisa May Alcott
i spent all night working on photoshop. got frustrated bc i couldn't find some very important files from a photoshoot, but HOPEFULLY they will show up. and my stupid dumbas went on and deleted my memory card on my camera, so a friend of mine could barrow it over the weekend. jesus christ, i hope they should up SOMEWHERE on my computer. until then, i will keep looking. gritting my teeth in hope. aaahhhh.
not too thrilled about working retail today. i have so much to be done on my computer with photography and organizing my external hard drive, that working a 7 hour day (i know, not that bad) only makes me get further and further behind on my to-do list. oh retail, how you annoy my soul. and my motivation. but hey, it's money in my pocket. gotta pay car insurance somehow.
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As the day has come to a close, i've decided to stay in, work on organizing my external hard drive, and catching up on "An American Horror Story". i've missed the past couple of episodes. so i'm quite enthused to see what has happened, and what's in store. :)
not too thrilled about working retail today. i have so much to be done on my computer with photography and organizing my external hard drive, that working a 7 hour day (i know, not that bad) only makes me get further and further behind on my to-do list. oh retail, how you annoy my soul. and my motivation. but hey, it's money in my pocket. gotta pay car insurance somehow.
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As the day has come to a close, i've decided to stay in, work on organizing my external hard drive, and catching up on "An American Horror Story". i've missed the past couple of episodes. so i'm quite enthused to see what has happened, and what's in store. :)
- Friday, 11/11/11
Funny Quotes.
"The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory."
"Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film."
Horoscopes.
Saturday, 11/12/11
'Practical, scientific, or spiritual ideas of all kinds are your life's blood. Today you might expand your knowledge. Much of what you learn may be based on technology such as telescopes or particle accelerators. You're only scratching the surface today. Much of what you learn may be confusing, but stay with it. It will make more sense to you later."
I really hope the technology stuff isn't work related. learning all the new shit is confusing as it. bleh.
'Practical, scientific, or spiritual ideas of all kinds are your life's blood. Today you might expand your knowledge. Much of what you learn may be based on technology such as telescopes or particle accelerators. You're only scratching the surface today. Much of what you learn may be confusing, but stay with it. It will make more sense to you later."
I really hope the technology stuff isn't work related. learning all the new shit is confusing as it. bleh.